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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29754021">Soul to Soul</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kermit_Hermit/pseuds/Kermit_Hermit'>Kermit_Hermit</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Comfort Sex, Death in a nightmare, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Falling In Love, Fix-It, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Love Triangles, Male-Female Friendship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Canon Fix-It, Romance, Slow Burn, Soft Johnny Silverhand, Unrequited Love, V is an established merc in NC already, check chapter notes for content warnings, complete re-haul of canon, only happy endings here, past Saul/V</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:00:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>51,677</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29754021</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kermit_Hermit/pseuds/Kermit_Hermit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>V- known as the living legend; the Knight of NC. A top dog of the merc world.<br/>When she joins a rookie team of mercs to steal from Arasaka, she didn't expect to die. She also didn't expect to come back to life with Johnny Silverhand, Night City legendary rockerboy, stuck in her head. With the entire fiasco of a gig blamed on her she is Red Branded: cut off from her vast network and a death sentence to anyone who would try to help her.<br/>Now without support or backup, she follows the threadbare leads she has in order to save herself and the rockerboy living rent-free in her brain. She becomes determined to save them both. They bleed into each other and know one another better than anyone else. They are mind to mind. Two people and one person. Soul to soul. </p><p>--</p><p> ON HIATUS while I finish writing out the rest of the chapters. It's almost done!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Female V/Viktor Vector, Johnny Silverhand/Female V, Johnny Silverhand/V, V/Viktor Vector</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>102</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Act One: Like A Supreme - The Knight Of NC</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenstrange/gifts">ravenstrange</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruruie/gifts">ruruie</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thank you for joining me for this ride. I hope you all enjoy this dynamic and exploration of characters with me.</p><p>I wanted to see how the story would change if Johnny ended up inside the brain of an already established, top dog V who had access to the kind of network Rogue does. Most of this story is told in between canon events so it should be mostly new content. I kept a few key story plot moments like his gravesite because- it hurts so good to see him change.</p><p>Thank you to the following people who inspired me to pick up a story for the long haul: RavenStrange and Ruruie!<br/>Please read these stories that are some of my favorites! (please check the ratings ya'll before you read)<br/>One Last Gig by Ruruie<br/>Satellite Mind by ravenstrange<br/>Interstate Love Song by ravenstrange<br/>Strung Up in My Web by Violet_DeLights<br/>Just like honey by silkspectre<br/>Faith Healer by StuckyandStarWars</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  
</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Art by me!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The gig had gone to hell. DeShawn had heard she was back in town and asked her to join their little heist. He wanted to cash in on her clout. They’d never worked together before but he smoothed talked her, saying it was the team-up of legends. Dangled a chance to hit Arasaka in front of her like a prize. One she didn’t hesitate to go after. </p><p>It was— should have been — a team-up of legends and her pride wanted it. Her pride got her zeroed. It was supposed to be an easy gig. All their bases had been covered. Except for a wild card DeShawn hadn’t figured on: the fucking head of Arasaka himself. Saburo had screwed everything up and the crew paid dearly for it.</p><p>Flatlined. All of them. Every. Last. One. Except for her. T-bug had been fried from the inside out. Jackie bled out in the backseat of that car. Vincent—</p><p>How was she going to face Vik again? She’d gotten his friend, someone he cared about, zeroed. The youngest of them all and she couldn’t save him. Walked him right into that hotel room to their deaths. She should have seen it coming. Should have known DeShawn was going to get flighty.</p><p>Never trust a fixer that’s been out of the game for too long. Should have said no. DeShawn had been out of the game for a few years before he waltz back into Night City like he owned the place. He’d been cagey when she asked him why he left the city in the first place. Dodged the question like a rich person dodges shit on the sidewalk.</p><p>Red flag.</p><p>He didn’t have all the gear they needed straight up. Meaning he hadn’t gotten all his connections back up and running. Or back at all.</p><p>Another Red flag.</p><p>Kept insisting how smooth the job would go. Too self assured. Arrogant. Thinking he could predict what the upper crust of Arasaka would do and all the more pompous and puffed up for it.</p><p>Red fucking flag.</p><p>But the facade of complete calm when the job went to shit and she and Vincent showed up at that door bruised, bleeding and expecting the fixer to do his job? How he told her to go wash off Jackie’s blood— she’d tried to stop him from slipping away but there were too many holes and too little time and her fingers were wet and sticky with his blood — and separated her from Vincent.</p><p>She knew better. She fucking knew better and yet she’d gone off and left Vincent alone. Shutting the door like a gonk. So many red flags. So many of them.</p><p>DeShawn had never been known to fuck people over. A fixers rep was everything and DeShawn was among the best. Up there with the Queen of The Afterlife. His years out of the scene changed him. Made him a coward. A Traitor. He hadn’t returned to Night City to be a fixer.</p><p>He’d come back to be another user who saw people as tools to get the most eddies their blood-soaked hands could grab.</p><p>Blood under his nails. Blood on his skin.</p><p>The gunshot had her throwing the door open, water mixed with Jackie’s blood dripping in her eyes from her wet hair, and rushing into the room, Mantis blades out and optics scanning for enemies. DeShawn’s bodyguard slammed a fist into her face knocking her to the ground in a heap of limbs. Vincent’s body was next to her, crumpled on the floor blood pooling around his head like macabre halo.</p><p>DeShawn raised his gun.</p><p>A gunshot. A jolt of pain.</p><p>Then she was dead.</p><p><br/>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>__</p><p><br/>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>She had left Night City for a vacation.</p><p>After a lifetime of clawing her way up the scum infested and blood rusted ladder of the mercenary world V had finally established herself as the city’s top dog.</p><p>The Knight of NC.</p><p>It wasn’t the handle she had chosen for herself but it fit. She was known as a merc who helped anyone and took all kinds of jobs; and if it was a job that fucked with the corporations that ruled Night City she was always the first one people called.</p><p>She was from the Lost Age- the time between the rockers and the chrome. Born only a handful of years after the infamous bombing of Arasaka Tower into a world still reeling from the fallout. It destroyed the city for a decade, forcing the divide between the corpos and the regular NC citizens wider. Deeper. Full of poverty and sickness.</p><p>Her parents had lost everything and she had been born in the gutter. Raised there. Learned to run with the best and fight with the worst. Her dad had been a rocker and he raised her with a rocker’s soul.</p><p>Don’t give into the corpos. Don’t let them break her spirit or steal the only thing she could call her own— her pride. So she fought for everything she had and was reaping her reward as a living legend of Night City.</p><p>On her vacation she had gone exploring. Set off one day to see the rest of the continent for a few months. Then she caught a plane to Japan and took a car for a joyride around the island. After that she ended up somewhere in the European mountains for a few weeks. By the time she landed in Los Angeles and rented a car to get herself back to Night City, she had been gone almost a year. For the fast pace of the city a year might as well be a lifetime.</p><p>V grinned wide, stepping out of the elevator door and onto her property. Her house was in the middle of the city- a little paradise on top of a roof of an apartment building with a grass yard, heated pool and a blackout privacy screen that she could raise whenever she wanted to close off her little island from the world. she had bought it years ago when she had gotten the eddies and the clout to warrant something like it.</p><p>She threw her bag onto the floor and went about checking to see if everything was still in order. She had hired a crew to look after the place till she got back and it looked like they’d done a good job. Nothing was broken, stolen, or moldy so she was happy.</p><p>After she settled in she went straight to Viktor. She had missed him.</p><p>“Long time no see,” she called out into the shop, sliding the chain fence open grinning like a fool.</p><p>Vik glanced up from his TV, eyes going wide when he saw her. He jumped up from his chair and crossed the room in a few long strides.</p><p>“V!”</p><p>She met him halfway, enjoying the bear hug he wrapped her up in.</p><p>“Vik! I missed you!”</p><p>“Missed you too.” He pulled back to study her face. He must have been satisfied with what he saw cause a soft grin lit up his eyes. “You’re looking great, V.”</p><p>She cupped his face in her hands, eyes taking in the few new wrinkles he had near the corners of his eyes and mouth.</p><p>“You look good as well,” she said. His eyes softened. “The year treat you well?” She asked.</p><p>Vik slid his hands down her sides coming to rest on her hips. The ease they feel into casual contact between them remained the same- years after they broke it off. He cocked his head, opening his mouth to answer when the chain fence rattled loudly with someone opening it quickly.</p><p>“Hey Vik! I wanted to talk to you about— oh! Uh, sorry!”</p><p>The young man looked embarrassed, stopping in his tracks and looking away from them. Vik chuckled and stepped away from V, hands sliding off her hips leaving warm marks behind. She came to stand beside him, looking over the man curiously. He looked like like a typical street punk merc and young. He couldn’t have been more than twenty-three.</p><p>“V, this is Vincent. Vincent, this is V,” Vik introduced them.</p><p>“Nice to meet you,” Vincent greeted and stepped up to hold out a hand.</p><p>“And you.” She shook his hand.</p><p>“What do you need kid?” Vik asked and Vincent launched into an explanation of some gig he’d gotten busted up on and needed some replacements. Vik motioned for her to take a seat and she wandered over to the couch he had in the back room. She grabbed a can of coffee from his mini fridge and settled in. An hour or so later Vincent left and Vik wandered over to her.</p><p>“So,” he sat down next to her pulling her legs into his lap, “tell me about the places you mentioned in your emails. What was London like?”</p><p>“Like NC but worse,” V said and launched into a story of her travels, enjoying the familiarity of being around an old friend.</p><p><br/>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>—</p><p><br/>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>The heist was going smoothly. Her, Vincent and Jackie all sitting around in the fancy hotel, drinking beer and shooting the shit. Both mercs asking her question after question about her gigs. How she had become the top dog. Why she didn’t hang at the Afterlife. V sidestepped that conversation quickly. She didn’t want to get into it about her aversion to working with Rogue.</p><p>“Not really something I like to talk about,” she said as she popped the cap off another bottle. She checked the label. Fancy-ass beer. She chugged it savoring the sweet wheat drink.</p><p>“I get that,” Vincent nodded as if he had secrets he wanted to keep hidden. Jackie shrugged like he didn’t have anything to hide.</p><p>“So Jackie,” he sat up a little straighter at her attention on him, “tell me about Misty.”</p><p>He got this dopey smile on his face. A true look of love. Head over heels for his woman. It made V’s heart warm.</p><p>“She’s the best damn thing to happen to me,” he sighed,  “Took me years to realize it too. Friends for years and we just now started going out.”</p><p>“You guys make a cute couple,” Vincent nodded to himself. “Good for one another too.”</p><p>Jackie grinned at him. “I’m gonna marry that woman. As soon as I make it big.”</p><p>V smiled to herself at his enthusiasm. She knew how hard it was to live in Night City and Jackie did too. Vincent too in spite of being a nomad first. He was adapting well to the city. Picking up on how things ran pretty quick and hitting the ground running. The three of them were kindred souls. She could see herself doing more gigs with both of them in the future. Maybe take them under her wing as their mentor. Raul could help her teach them a few things about being the best solo’s around. The four of them plus PR4NK573R as their netrunner and they made a complete team. A perfect team.</p><p>“Look lively people,” T-Bug’s voice came over the comms. “Time to put our money where our mouths are.”</p><p>V downed the rest of her beer then set it on the table with a clunk and stood up, stretching. “Let’s go boys. Time to fuck over the corpo’s.”</p><p>Jackie and V grinned excitedly and the three of them headed out to get their big score.</p><p><br/>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>—</p><p><br/>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Saburo Arasaka, the emperor of Japan was dead and they were the witnesses. Fucking hell they were as good as dead. How the hell did it go south so fast?</p><p>“What do we do?” Jackie whispered, frantic.</p><p>“You stay quiet,” V hissed. </p><p>“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Vincent muttered. V could feel him trembling, pressed up against his side as she was.</p><p> Trying to stay hidden inside the TV pillar and not be noticed. That borg though….he was looking right at them. Not saying a damn thing as Yorinobu chewed out Saburo’s bodyguard. They finally left, leaving the room empty for a few precious minutes, and the mercs scrambled out of the pillar. </p><p>“Give us an exit T-bug,” V ordered as she herself scanned the room for ways to get out of the hotel. Trauma Team would be on them soon and then it would all be over. Fuck Dex. How had he not known the god-damn emperor of Japan would be there.</p><p>“Shit. Shit!” T-Bug chanted. “Okay. There’s a ladder to the roof. Out the window.”</p><p>“Got it!” Jackie said, grabbing the case with their haul, and heading for the window.</p><p>“Fuck! I’ve been had”! T-Bug yelled then let out a bone-chilling scream and glitched off the holo.</p><p>V’s heart crawled into her throat. “T-bug! Fuck!”</p><p>“What the fuck just happened?” Vincent cried, voice shaking with fear. The hotel alarms went off and red lights lit up the room. “Fuck! Fuck!”</p><p>“They got T-Bug! We gotta delta. Now! Out the window!” V commanded. The men followed her and they made their escape onto the balcony. An AV went racing past them.</p><p>“Shit! It’s Trauma Team!” Jackie yelled. “We gotta jump!”</p><p>“Don’t you fuckin’ dare!” V shouted. They would die if they jumped. Never fucking jump onto glass roof. She could get them out of there. They just needed to get to the ladder and to the roof. They would hijack the AV and ditch it in the badlands. Hail fixer Dakota and lay low for a bit. DeShawn could meet them or lay low himself for a few days.</p><p>Another Trauma Team AV flew by and spooked Jackie. He jumped and Vincent followed him. V swore then jumped after them. They wouldn’t survive without her. The glass roof shattered under their combined weight and V had a moment to wonder who the hell installed such weak-ass glass on a goddamn ceiling before she plummeted down.</p><p>She groaned and slowly sat up. Jackie was holding his side, blood already soaking through his side. Vincent was busted up pretty bad, knocked half-way to hell and back, blood around his temple where he’d hit it. </p><p>“Fuck! Cases’ busted.” Jackie was panicking. </p><p>V crawled over to him. “First, calm the fuck down. You need a clear head. Calm down, Jackie.”</p><p>He looked at her with wild eyes and she could see just how young he was. How young both him and Vincent were. Shit. He took a deep breath, nodding his head.</p><p>“Okay, Okay. Calm. I’m calm.”</p><p>She looked at Vincent. “You okay?”</p><p>He gave her a thumbs up. “Fuckin’ preem.”</p><p>“Case is still busted, V.” Jackie pulled her attention back to him. “What do we do?”</p><p>“Shit. Okay. Alright.” She felt fear pricking her skin. How the fuck was she going to get them out of this mess? “Let me see the case.”</p><p>With effort Jackie handed it over, grunting in pain. The stabilizing coolant was rapidly declining. Her only option was a stupid idea but she had to do something. They had to get something out of this cluster-fuck of a gig. She pulled the chip out of the box and slotted it in her neck port. </p><p>“V! What the hell?” Vincent shouted, grabbing her wrist just a moment too late as the chip clicked into place. “We don’t know what the fuck that’ll do to you!”</p><p>She jerked away from him. “No other choice. C’mon. We gotta delta. They’ll send drones down every tunnel looking for his killers.”</p><p>Vincent and Jackie shared a look, a whole conversations passing between them that she couldn’t hear, before they climbed to their feet and started following her lead. She wanted to sneak out, avoid bullets as much as possible but Vincent wasn’t as skilled a merc as her or Jackie. He’d only been on the streets for a few months. He gave them away halfway to the elevator. They had to shoot their way out of the building. They made it to the car and the AI driver took off. V was never more grateful to have bulletproof cars. They were chased and shot at until the AI was able to loose them.</p><p>“V!” Vincent cried out in alarm. “Jackie!”</p><p>V flipped around to see Vincent trying to stop the bleeding from Jackie’s wounds.</p><p>“No, no, no, no,” she chanted, crawling into the backseat. “Give me your shirt!” Vincent peeled it off and she held it against Jackie’s side. The blood soaked through and made her fingers sticky. “Fuck. Fuck!”</p><p>“It’s okay, chicka,” Jackie gave a pained chuckle. “My times up. Take care of Vincent for me, hey?”</p><p>“Don’t you fuckin’ dare Jackie,” Vincent snarled. “Gotta get back to Misty yeah? You an’ her gonna get married? Have some cute-ass kids an’ shit.”</p><p>Jackie looked at Vincent with a fading smile. V felt his life draining away through her fingers. </p><p>“Take care of Misty for me.” He breathed and then he was gone. He slipped away so fast. </p><p>V sat sit, unable to move. Behind her Vincent let out a strangled sob. The AI pulled up outside the No-Tell Motel and parked.</p><p>“Where should I deliver the body?” The AI asked after  afew moments of their quiet mourning. V looked at Vincent.</p><p>“Take him home,” Vincent said through strangled sobs. “Mama Wells. She’ll want to see him.”</p><p>“Very well. I shall do so.”</p><p>They sat in silence, neither one wanting to break their heavy grieving. She could have done more. Kept them calmer. Gotten them out sooner. Shit. Fuck. V wiped at her own tears then took a breath. Blew it out and got out of the car.</p><p>“C’mon, kid,” she said, pulling him by his shoulder. “Let’s go talk to Dex.”</p><p>Vincent swiped at his eyes, rubbing away the snot and smearing Jackie’s blood over his face. Right. Okay.</p><p>They headed into the No-Tell Motel together and to their deaths.</p><p><br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Act One: Like A Supreme - Silverhand</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  
</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She woke up in the junkyard, buried under haphazardly thrown garbage to cover her corpse. Hers and Vincent’s. Fuck his hand was still warm. She let go of it, swallowing thickly when there was no pulse. She didn’t look at Vincent’s blank eyes staring at her. <i>-“Cool optics, Vincent.” “Thanks! 3rd gen kiroshi’s. Vik extended my credit.”</i> -She focused on getting the metal garbage off her. She clawed her way out of the junkyard barley hanging into life.</p><p>DeShawn showed up. Dragged her in front of Saburo’s bodyguard. Delivered her on a silver platter. The corpo killed him and she didn’t feel a lick of sympathy. She couldn’t care less. Couldn’t care past the pain searing her skull. After that Everything was hazy and filled with pain. The corpo and her fought off Arasaka ninjas. Totaled his car. She called the AI cab service DeShawn had hired and got it to take her and the corpo to Vik’s to get patched up. Then it was just flashes of clarity laced with Constant agony and Vik’s face hovering worriedly over her.</p><p>Then the dreams started. She was another person. Living in someone else’s skin and enjoying the ride.</p><p>The man was wild. Wild and reckless in every way and dangerous with a rage balanced on a knife's edge. A voice like smoke that could dance up a song and rally a crowd. They loved him. Loved her. Screamed her name and she was living for it. Alive like she hadn’t been in years. For the few hours on stage she knew what she was doing and she could sew herself together using the chanting of her name as the stitches.</p><p>The anger at the unfairness of the city and the slow crawl to oblivion of the world had somewhere to go. Out of her chest— finally, finally— and into the air falling on the ears of the people. People who got it. Who knew what the fuck she was screaming into a mic for. She was screaming for all that was beautiful. Fighting a war for the people. Forever a soldier and she had many names and labels to do it.</p><p>Soldier.</p><p>Singer.</p><p>Guitar player.</p><p>Rockerboy.</p><p>Terrorist.</p><p><br/>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>—</p><p><br/>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>V had the engram of a dead rockerboy terrorist in her head. A legend from fifty years back who went out in a blaze of glory by bombing Arasaka Tower off the map with a Militech strike team. Killing thousands of people. Someone Vik had known about in his youth as a boxing champ. The one her dad had talked about like he was a hero.</p><p>Johnny fucking Silverhand. And he was a parasite taking over her brain.</p><p>“And there’s nothing you can do?” Her voice shook.</p><p>Vik rubbed his face with a sigh. “I’m good but this is something I haven’t seen before.” He gestured to her brain scans. Parts lit up in bright red and dark blue. Error codes flashing all over the place. “It’s beyond anything I’ve dealt with.”</p><p>She scrubbed at her eyes. They burned with tears she wouldn’t shed. Not here. Not now in front of one of her oldest friends who was already feeling like shit for not being able to do anything to help her.</p><p>“Do you—“ her voice cracked. She cleared her throat, not able to meet the pained expression on Vik’s face. “Do you know how long I have?”</p><p>“…A few months if you take the omega blockers I gave you. Less if you do too much or use the stuff Misty left for you. But V-” he made a frustrated noise- “I’m not an expert or a brain doc. You need to find someone else who can help you.”</p><p>V stared at the neon sign in the wall, mind floating off into space somewhere. Everything had happened so fast. Her entire life upturned in a few moments. If they’d been faster. Got out of the hotel room a bit sooner they would have made it out. They wouldn’t have been stuck watching Yorinobu kill Saburo- the emperor of Japan for fucks sakes - and they would have been in the clear.</p><p>If she’d seen the red flags. Told T-Bug to work faster maybe—</p><p>“Stop it V.” Vik’s voice pulled her from her spiraling dark thoughts. “I know you. You did everything you could to save the gig. To save—“ his voice broke and V’s chest throbbed sharing his heartache. He took a shaky breath. “To save Jackie and Vincent.”</p><p>She swallowed against her guilt. “Vik... god I’m so sorry I couldn’t....”</p><p>“Stop. Don’t blame yourself.” He put a hand on her shoulder. She hung her head. Vik cupped her chin and titled her head back gently making her look him in the eyes.</p><p>“Don’t do that,” his voice was watery matching the glistening in his eyes. “Not you. The Knight of NC is the best damn merc we’ve seen in fifty years. If there had been another way, you’d have found it. Sometimes there just no happy ending for people in this city. People like us.”</p><p>V choked on her regret. She leaned forward till their foreheads were touching. Vik slid his hand across her cheek and gripped the back of her head, pressing them closer together, holding her tightly as sorrow wracked through both of them. They breathed in each other’s pain. Soothing it and letting their hearts bleed out in the safety of their shared brokenness. Old souls who had known too much loss to be surprised by it when it came to claim the things precious to them. Vik pulled back, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, looking at her sadly.</p><p>“Don’t look at me like that.” V cupped his cheek. He turned his face just enough to place a soft kiss to her palm. “I’m not dead yet.”</p><p>He clasped her hand holding his face and closed his eyes. Steadying himself. </p><p>“You’ll find away,” he said and his voice was firm and commanding. It made her believe she could do this.</p><p>“No way in hell am I letting them take me out. Not like this.” Her voice was watery.</p><p>“I’ll hold you to that, V.”</p><p>Her fingers curled into his shirt and she huddled into him, hiding her face in the crook of his neck. His arms wrapped around her. Shielding her from the world. For just a moment. Then she’d figure out how to get out of the shit she’d fall in into. She just needed a moment to ground herself.</p><p>“When I feel better we’ll go get his body,” she murmured and Vik’s arms tightened around her a little more, “Kid deserves to be buried.”</p><p>“Okay.” Vik let her use him to hide, one hand pressed firmly to the small of her back and the other stroking her hair gently. He whispered comforting nothings into her hair. It was a long time before they moved.</p><p>“C’mon,” he said finally pulling away from her, “Misty will take you home. I would but I’ve got a client I can’t move.”</p><p>She smoothed an imaginary crease on his shirt. “Can’t expect you to put your life on hold for me Vik. I’ll be fine.”</p><p>“You’ll figure this out. If anyone can it’s you.” He placed a chaste kiss on her lips, one of reassurance. Comfort. Letting her know she wasn’t alone and that at least one other person cared for her.</p><p><br/>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>—</p><p><br/>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Johnny fucking Silverhand tried to zero her the moment he had a chance. The fact she was able to see him was a shock to them both. She tried to go to the bathroom. Get some distance between them but he appeared in front of her like he teleported. He threw her to the ground and stood over her, fist up in a threatening stance.</p><p>“Who do you work for? Start talking!” he yelled in her face. Pointing a finger at her.</p><p>Her arm moved on its own, reflecting his action. They both looked at her arms mimicking his movements in silent horror. His dawning understanding buzzing into her brain like angry bees. Johnny pulled back. Slowly moving their hands as he looked at them. Fear and anger assaulted her mind as he got more agitated.</p><p>“Fuck...fucking chip!” he snarled, reaching back to pull out the shard.</p><p>“No wait!”</p><p>Her vision glitched hard like a broken TV and she blacked out.</p><p>She flickered back into consciousness. No idea how long she was out but Johnny was still yelling at her and he tried to take over her body. She dragged herself to her knees, crawling up the wall for support. Johnny was yelling how he take control. He somehow took control of her neck and slammed her head against her wall. He ranted. Talking about how he’d kill her if he had to. He knocked her out on the third slam of her head.</p><p>She woke up still on the floor with a headache and vomit crawling up her throat. She managed to roll to the side in time to puke it on the floor instead of back into her face. Johnny was there muttering to himself. Swearing. His voice was a growl, low and angry and dangerous. Matched the way he prowled across her room like a caged animal.</p><p>“Calm— cough— cam down,” she croaked, wiping her mouth with the back of her shaking hand. Fucking hell this was insane. She could feel his emotions. They dwarfed hers in blinding intensity. He was a beacon, bright as the sun and hot as a bonfire. Both of them were terrified. Of the world. Of each other. Of what their shared body meant for the both of them.</p><p>Johnny’s head snapped towards her then he was in front of her in the blink of an eye.</p><p>“Calm down?” he growled. “How the fuck am I supposed to calm down when I’m stuck here?” He glitched around the room rapidly like light show gone haywire. “Only way to fix this is lead to the brain. You hear me?”</p><p>“Calm down or I’ll make you,” she demanded.</p><p>“Go ahead.” He laughed cruelly. “Do it already.”</p><p>V pulled the omega blockers from her bag by the bed, rushing to twist the cap off and pop a pill. Johnny appeared in front of her.</p><p>“No you don’t. Not like that!”</p><p>He slapped the meds from her hands and stormed around the room while she crawled to the little pills of sanity scattered on the floor. She choked down a pill. The blockers kicked in and he winked out of her vision, going mercifully silent. Shoved back into the far reaches of her mind until the pills wore off.</p><p>She laid there for a while catching her breath. Time ticked by as she tried to process things. He could touch her? Fucking hell. She was stuck with a damn ghost that didn’t have the decency to stay ghostly.</p><p>V peeled herself off the floor and stumbled to shower. The cold water grounded her to reality. She covered her mouth with her hand when she was hit with a coughing fit. When she pulled it away her palm was covered in blood splatters. Blood trickled from her nose. Maybe the blockers caused it. Hopefully it was that. That and not her brain leaking out of her skull. A headache slammed into her and she groaned, sliding down the shower wall until she was kneeling, water cascading down her back.</p><p>“Fuck,” she whispered then louder as panic barreled into her- “fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fucking fuck!”</p><p>Johnny as going to try to zero her as soon as he was able to make himself corporeal or whatever the fuck it was he did to be able to touch her. She’d flatline before she could even start on solving this problem. V slowly finished her shower, calming herself as she sorted through the turmoil of her thoughts. Could he hear her? They shared a brain right? What exactly did the omega blockers do to him? Knock him out? Maybe it was essentially like putting a muzzle on a dog. Just shut him up and kept him from appearing.</p><p>She got dressed in something comfortable, she needed comfort right then, and sat on her couch. She stared at the bottle of pills in her hands. Her head was splitting. From the pills or from the relic or from Johnny slamming her face into the wall she had no idea. But she didn’t want to take them again. Her nose hadn’t stopped bleeding since she swallowed it. The burning sensation of blood trickling down the back of her throat was driving her crazy. The copper in her mouth left her nauseated and there was a sharp pain somewhere by her heart that hadn’t gone away. V took a deep breath and spoke out loud to her empty apartment, hoping the engram - ghost, whatever the fuck he was- could hear her.</p><p>“Look- Johnny Silverhand right?- we’re stuck together. We don't’ have a choice but to work together.”</p><p>She felt really gonked talking out loud but if she didn’t know what else to do. She couldn’t fight him off, that much was obvious, so she’d bargain with him. Her dad had liked Samurai. Gone to see a show or two of theirs. Silverhand had been a rockerboy first before a terrorist. Maybe their hatred for corpos could be their starting point.</p><p>“If you can hear me, I wanna talk. Won’t shut you out again.” She shook the pill bottle to show what she meant. “But don’t try to zero me. Just… I don’t know… this is so fuckin’ fucked.”</p><p>She wanted to lay down but her nose was still bleeding. Drowning in her blood was not the way she wanted to go. She piled up her pillows and a few extra blankets to make a comfy backrest and settled in with a glass of water and a plate of snacks and waited for the omega blocker to wear off.</p><p><br/>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>___</p><p><br/>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>The blocker lasted four hours. By that time she’d eaten all her snacks and started dosing off, still exhausted from the fight with Johnny.</p><p>She heard a noise that sounded like a computer screen glitching. Half asleep, she looked around, jolting wide awake and sitting up when she saw Johnny at the end of her bed, standing with his arms crossed and a frown on his face. They stared. Each watching the other warily. She broke the silence first.</p><p>“Since you’re not trying to zero me, I’m guessing you could hear me?”</p><p>He nodded. “Yeah. Fucking weird though. Like you were talking through a wall even though I could sort of see outta your eyes.”</p><p>She blinked. He could see out of her eyes… Of fucking ‘course he could. Meant he saw everything she’d done since taking the blocker. Like using the bathroom and taking a shower.</p><p>She cringed. “You could see everything?”</p><p>He smirked. “Yeah saw all that.”</p><p>Johnny dropped his arms and glitched over to the window, looking out curiously. She didn’t bother him. Waited patiently because she had no idea what to do with him and thought it better to go at his pace. After a few tense minutes, he turned around and leaned back against the wall, flesh thumb hooked into his pocket.</p><p>“Saw some memories that I’m guessing are yours. 2077?”</p><p>She nodded. “You’ve been dead…a while.”</p><p>He frowned and gazed out the window again, metal fingers tapping a chaotic rhythm onto the wall. They sat in a heavy silence. V could feel his emotions like the last time and it was starting to make her skin itch. Apprehension was crawling up her throat. Fear that he might try and do something. Take over again. She would be powerless to stop him.</p><p>“I can feel our minds touching,” he grumbled, “I’m like mold on fruit…creeping into you…nothing I can do about it.”</p><p>Her hands twisted in the sheets. The tremors hadn’t stopped since she took the blocker. They were getting less now though. He stared at her and she sat stiff as a board as he studied her.</p><p>“You wanna work together to figure this out right?” he asked.</p><p>“Yeah— Ow. Fuck.”</p><p>A stab of pain went through her head. She leaned forward, cupping the blood that started dripping from her nose full force. She scrambled to grab a towel and held it to her face, fighting down the nausea suddenly rolling her stomach.</p><p>“Doesn’t look like you’ll be much of a help,” he commented, glitching in front of her to peer closely at her face over the top of his aviators. She could see the honey color of his eyes. He pulled back, standing up straight. “But don’t want you dead anymore. Processed some shit. Think you’re right- think we can help each other.”</p><p>“Glad you agree,” she said, her voice muffled against the shirt.</p><p>Johnny raised an eyebrow. “Know you don’t have to speak out loud to talk to me?”</p><p>“Good to know,” she grumbled, this time in her head to test it out.</p><p>“Yeah I hear you,” Johnny confirmed, “now, how are we getting out of this mess?”</p><p>She pulled the shirt away to check if she was still bleeding. Yup, still flowing like a facet. She pressed the shirt back to her face.</p><p>“I have a network of contacts,” she began.</p><p>With her extensive network there had to be someone who could help her find a solution. Somewhere in the world there was a way out of this. It was just a matter of time till they found it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Act One: Like A Supreme - Feedback Loop</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
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          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you to everyone reading this and leaving comments!<br/>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Johnny was pacing around the room. Glitching back and forth like a broken braindance. Amusingly enough, he had a cigarette between his lips that he was puffing on as if he could get the nicotine from the zeros and ones. </p><p>
  <i>-Nervous habit. One he picked up from an army choom back in the war. He’d hated the taste back then but got over it because it was the only thing that stopped his hands shaking between the firefights. A few days later he’d picked up the bloody, half empty pack from the still warm fingers of his dead choom and smoked them all before the sunrise.-</i>
</p><p>V blinked away the memory. Johnny’s memory. The first vivid one since she’d relived his last moment alive before she woke up in the junkyard. She rubbed the headache away. </p><p>She was sitting on her couch, flicking through her holo trying to figure out who to reach out to first. A nauseating feeling was settling into her stomach the more she thought about it. No new emails had come in. She hadn’t gotten any calls. No texts had pinged her. Nothing since the day of the heist when she’d shut off her phone for the gig. At first, she thought it might be her phone. Broken from the heist or something. Except when she checked her connection to the net was fine. </p><p>Just…no one had contacted her. </p><p>Two weeks was a long time for her connections to be silent.</p><p>“Gonna call anyone soon?”</p><p>She looked up at Johnny. “What?”</p><p>Johnny grunted, running a hand down his face. “You haven’t tried to reach anyone yet. Wasting time.”</p><p>She bit her lip, the nausea rolling in her stomach making her sick. “I’m going to. Just hold on a minute.”</p><p>Johnny glitched close enough that he was looming over her. “Said that three hours ago,” he growled and she could feel his irritation flooding into her.</p><p>A foreign jolt of panic shot through her. Panic that he would hit her again. </p><p>He bristled suddenly. “Not gonna slap you.”</p><p>Her body was ready to bolt. He didn’t make a move to touch her. Instead, he took a step back and out of her space giving them breathing room. She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She was scared of him. Not the engram killing her— she was scared of <i>Johnny.</i> It left a sour taste in her mouth and a twisting pain in her gut. It had been years since she’d been scared of anyone that wasn’t on the other side of a gun pointed at her. </p><p>Him slapping her around, throwing her against the wall, was an abuse she hadn’t suffered since being caught on a gig a long time ago. When she was young and stupid. Her team had to leave her in the gangs' hands for two days before they could rescue her. Raul had been a frantic mess when they finally got to her. He’d stayed with her the entire time she was in surgery until she was stable and not about to flatline. </p><p>The bruisers had thrown her around as entertainment. She’d been able to fight them well enough. She could take on two at a time and stay standing. At first. That’s why they got rougher. Then they shattered her leg and she couldn’t dance away anymore like Vik taught her.  They had caught her. Slapped her upside the head till her ears bled. Punched her till her eye exploded from the impact of her socket breaking. </p><p>It was the reason she had to get optics so soon despite her dislike of chrome. Now she had more chrome -eyes, arms, ears, liver. Ironic really. Vik had implanted the eyes on credit. Told her he couldn’t bear having to see her blinded and helpless. Took her years to pay him back for everything he’d repaired in her.</p><p>V took a steadying breath, trying to shake off the memory. It had been so vivid. Like she was reliving it. When she finally forced herself to look at him, Johnny had a twisted expression was on his face. He looked sick. He glitched back far enough that he would have to lunge if he wanted to hit her.</p><p>“Fuck,” he spat, looking disgusted, “Saw that memory. ‘M not gonna hit you. Fucking won’t.” Johnny vowed. His fists were clenched by his sides, face a stormy mask half-hidden by his aviators. “Thought you were with ‘Saka. I don’t— ‘M not a—“ He cut himself off with a growl of frustration.</p><p>She could feel his conviction behind his words. Their minds really were touching. Open to one another like two computers in a feedback loop. They’d have to figure out a way to stop that or they’d go insane. </p><p>“Okay.” She replied simply. </p><p>Johnny seemed to except her short answer, nodding once, then dragging a hand down his face like he was steadying himself. He took a deep breath- not that he needed air but she guessed the act of it calmed him- and fixed her with a honey-eyed stare.</p><p>“You gonna try and call someone?” He sounded more grounded this time. Calmer. Less homicidal rockerboy and more rocker with an attitude.</p><p>“Yeah,” she said and then called up her holo before she could lose her nerve.</p><p>They waited with bated breath as the holo rang. </p><p>And rang.</p><p>And rang.</p><p>And rang.</p><p>It picked up. </p><p>Raul’s face appeared on the screen. As soon as their eyes met his blank face contorted into a tortured expression.</p><p>“Raul,” V greeted, stupid relief flooding through her, “ I need hel—“</p><p>“Can’t help you V,” her old friend said. V’s heart climbed into her throat.</p><p>“What? But—“</p><p>He cut her off with a sorrowful shake of his head. “You’re on the blacklist. The <i>official</i> one.”</p><p>V swore. That was worse. Much, much worse than what she thought. Someone pegged her for the one to zero DeShawn. Put out a Red Brand on her. Meant that everyone she trusted was warned to stay away or get blacklisted themselves.</p><p>Raul rubbed his face, hiding his eyes but V could see the wet tears leaking down his cheeks. “I can’t help you.” His voice broke. “My son…I can’t-”</p><p>Her throat closed up and tears sprang to her eyes. His son. The little four-month-old baby named after her. <span>Her godson.</span> She couldn’t put them in danger.</p><p>“Please, mi hermana,” he pleaded and V swallowed her sorrow. “Don’t call again.”</p><p>Her holo clicked and the line went dead. She felt numb. If she tried to contact anyone in her network they would get a target on their back. She would put them at risk of losing everything they had built. Their lives. Their families. It would have been better if she’d gotten a bounty on her head. That she could have fought. This? Risking the necks of people she valued? She couldn’t have that on her conscious.</p><p>“Rogue’ll help.”</p><p>Johnny’s voice startled her. She wiped away her tears harshly. “What?”</p><p>Johnny made a vague gesture with his hand. “Rogue. Saw her in your memories. She can clear your name.”</p><p>V bounced her leg to work out some of her anxiety at the thought of contacting the fixer. “Rogue is literally the last person I want to talk to.”</p><p>Johnny lit up another cigarette, sucking in digital smoke and blowing out a digital cloud. Must be the habit of it that had been so ingrained in him it transferred to his engram. The action calming him and giving him a sense of being. </p><p>“Why?” he asked with a mouth full of smoke that leaked out like he was some kind of fire-breathing dragon.</p><p>“The Rogue you remember is completely different than the Rogue now. She’s damn ruthless—”</p><p>“Always was,” he interrupted, a brow appearing over his aviator as he gave her a ‘so-what’ look. A way to make her feel dumb. It probably worked on most people he had known in his past but V was used to arrogant mercs, fixers, and clients giving her similar looks. She had grown thick skin at a young age. Had to. No fifty-year-dead rockerboy was going to change that.</p><p>“No, Johnny, you don’t get it.” V started pacing in front of the couch. Johnny was sitting on top of it, using the seat like a footrest. He didn’t seem to like sitting conventionally like a normal person and V had to wonder if that had been something he had always done or if it was because he was digital and could probably sit on air if he wanted to. </p><p>“She’s not ruthless like a merc. She’s ruthless like a <i>corpo</i>,” she stressed. She felt something cold in the back of her chest. It matched the hard glint Johnny got in his eyes for a split second. “She’s the Queen of fixers. How you figure she got there? By playing nice?”</p><p>His face went carefully blank as he processed her words. V felt pressure at the base of her skull as he rooted around in her head looking for whatever he was trying to find. Flashes of images danced through her brain- all of them about Rogue. Some from years ago that she’d forgotten about but the one memory that burned the brightest was the one Johnny latched onto. The time that Rogue had fucked her over and almost cost V and Raul their lives.</p><p>Rogue had set up their team to pull off a high-profile heist. It would have gone off without a hitch except Rogue didn’t deign it important to tell V and Raul that one of the solos they were working with had a vendetta against their target. Personal business. The kind professionals didn’t take into the job with them. This woman had. Rogue had been paying back a favor by letting her on the job and kept it a secret. The solo broke from the plan to go after her own crazy revenge plot. Ended up getting half the team zeroed, V’s arm blown off and both of Raul’s legs shattered.</p><p>Rogue never admitted fault. Never accepted responsibility for her fuck up. So V made it so that she would never have to work for Rogue directly again. V worked for years collecting favors and contacts and friendships. She built a network large enough to not need help from Rogue. V found her own gigs. V worked for fixers she trusted. V set up her own teams and heists. Got to be Top Dog of NC on her own and by then her contacts had been building their own networks all around the globe. </p><p>She got jobs all over the world without needing a damn thing from Rogue. She and the Queen of the Afterlife stayed out of each other’s way and that’s how they both preferred it.</p><p>Johnny’s mood darkened. A sourness wafted off him and stuck in the back of her chest. He tossed his cigarette to the ground, it glitched out before it even touched the carpet, and he already had a new one in between his fingers with little wisps of smoke curling from the tip. He smoked like a chimney trying to heat up a house made of fishnet. He took a deep drag and talked with his mouth full of smoke. </p><p>“Rogue’ll listen to me.”</p><p>V rubbed at her forehead, feeling another headache coming on like a slow-building rainstorm. She was tired. Her oldest partner just cut her off, begging her to stay away to save his child, and Johnny 'raging-asshole rockerboy’ Silverhand couldn’t give a shit. He was a piece of work. </p><p>V sat on the ground, needing to stop pacing but not willing to get closer to Johnny than she absolutely needed to. “And I what? Tell her I got the ghost of her dead choom in my head? She’s not gonna believe that”</p><p>“Rogue’s heard dumber things. Believe me.”</p><p>A snort escaped her and she rolled her eyes at his irritated look. “I’m sure. But doesn’t change the fact I don’t fucking like her. Not going to talk to her unless I’m bleeding out my ears.”</p><p>“Already coughing up blood.” He gave her a patronizing smirk that boiled her blood. “What difference does it make where it’s coming from?” </p><p>Could she punch him? Knock his teeth out? He’d knocked her around pretty good. Maybe she could return the favor. </p><p>“Ghost off, Johnny.”</p><p>“Bitch.”</p><p>“Asshole.”</p><p>“Takes one to know one, V.” His grin was all teeth.</p><p>V took a calming breath. She was not going to let him bait her. Not again. “Fine then, Johnny. How you going to talk to her? Write a note?” He gave her an unimpressed look. The gears clicked in place. “You want me to hand over the reins. Use my body to talk to her.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“No fucking way.”</p><p>He shoved off the wall he was leaning on and stalked towards her, glitching halfway across the room. “And why the fuck not?”</p><p>“Cause last time you had any control you tried to flatline me!”</p><p>“Told you, don’t want to do that anymore.”</p><p>“I don’t trust you, Johnny! Not after the only thing you’ve been to me is hostile and degrading.”</p><p>He’d done nothing but insult her since he woke up in her head. An asshole through and through. Acting like she was just a meat suit and not a person. Thinking he was better than her. A stray thought from him hit her, heavy and smug.</p><p>
  <span><i>- He didn’t think he was better than her. He knew it.-</i></span>
</p><p>She reared back from him as if he’d hit her again. The conviction in him was damn alarming. Her revulsion with him in that moment flooded over the weird bond they had and he flinched as it crashed into him. He looked like he’d taken a fist to his gut. She felt his own thoughts pour out through the bond, swept up in the feedback loop they’d created. She braced herself a moment too late. His mind was like a movie playing on blast.</p><p>
  <span><i>-He’d known he made people hate him. He knew he was an asshole. But he’d never felt their disgust with him so biting and raw. Like sandpaper scraping his soul. It burned like salt in his wounds.-</i></span>
</p><p>V pushed through the tidal wave of emotions downing both of them, breaking the surface and falling back into her own mind. Her own thoughts. It was like pulling herself from a pool of slime. His thoughts clung to her skin. </p><p>She was on the ground leaning back against the wall. When had she collapsed like that? Johnny was on the ground too. Sitting in front of her. Bowed over his long legs that were pulled up just enough for his arms to rest on his knees and let them dangle out in front of him. His head hung down between hunched shoulders, long hair hiding his face like a curtain. </p><p>Panting for air he’d never get.</p><p>V swallowed the dryness in her throat. “Your life isn’t worth more than mine,” she croaked, “you’re not better than me. But I’m not letting you die. Not letting myself be flatlined either. Don’t fight me every damn step. You agreed to work together. So <i>work with me here</i> Johnny.”</p><p>“You don’t trust me,” he bit out and his voice was so heavy with bitterness she could taste it in her mouth.</p><p>“And you don’t trust me. We’re strangers trapped with each other. We have a right to not trust just yet. I’m not handing you the keys to my body. Don’t try to steal what’s not yours and maybe we’ll figure out how this whole-” she made a circling gesture with her hand- “sharing a body thing works.”</p><p>“Fuck. This is hell.”</p><p>“For both of us.”</p><p>“Yeah....fuck!” He knocked the back of his head against the wall, itching with nerves. “Need a smoke. Where do you keep yours?”</p><p>“Don’t smoke.”</p><p>“Fuck. Non-smokers are the fuckin’ worst.”</p><p>She didn’t deign to respond to his complaining. </p><p>They lost track of time in the silence. Both unwilling to drag themselves off the floor. Johnny didn’t even glitch anywhere else. He just sat in the same position, rubbing his fingertips together and tapping his toes in an off beat.</p><p>“Rogue would listen to me.”</p><p>“Don’t doubt it, Johnny.” </p><p>“Why not just ask for her help then?”</p><p>“Cause it’ll be a fight and I’m already tired from fighting you.”</p><p>She was too exhausted to muster up more for another argument so soon. Her head was pounding to a war-drum now and her eyes were hot metal marbles.</p><p> He didn’t say anything for a long while. “She that bad?” His voice was soft. </p><p>There was a hint of emotion she couldn’t name. She didn’t bother trying. Instead, she sighed. Heavy and exhausted. </p><p>“Clearing my name could ruin her. Getting help from her might be just as bad.” </p><p>He thought over her words. Thinking pretty hard if the slow-burning spot at the base of her skull was any indication.</p><p>“Alright,” he said finally. “Your body, your call. Just hope it’s not the wrong one.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>---</p><p><br/>
</p><p>A week later and V still couldn’t talk to Evelyn. She regretted that she hadn’t gone with Vincent to meet the client- Evelyn -when he’d gone to meet with her. It had taken a lot longer for her to track her down than she could afford.</p><p>The Mox kept a close on their own and apparently, Evelyn was under the Mox’s protection. They wouldn’t tell V a damn thing and she couldn’t get into the club. The bouncers had been told to block her. Probably by Evelyn who was hoping to lay low while the worst of the storm passed. Soon though, V was going to break into the damn place or stalk the bartender home or something drastic because she was being eaten alive by relic malfunctions. </p><p>She didn’t want to get desperate but without her network, she was trying to shovel sand with a fork. She was stuck waiting for Goro to contact her and she wasn’t fond of that feeling. She hated corpos on principle- had most of her life -and having to rely on one for help was grating at her nerves. </p><p>“Glad we can agree on the corpo,” Johnny said, glitching into her living room as she closed the front door behind her, back from a quick grocery run. Johnny was surprisingly picky about the kind of food he liked. She didn’t really care what he wanted to eat as long as it made her life with him more bearable. It helped that she liked cooking and Johnny was old-fashioned in that he loved home-cooked meals. Made him nostalgic or something.  He looked out her large window, a wall of glass, and over the cityscape. </p><p>“His type can never be trusted.”</p><p>“Only if you have the right leverage,” she countered, heading over to her kitchen and pulling a few ingredients from her fridge to make stir-fry. </p><p>Johnny glitched in front of the kitchen island watching her wash off the impressive variety of Real-veggies. He liked carrots apparently. Liked stir-fry a lot too.</p><p>He shrugged. “Anyone you have to keep on a leash can’t be trusted.”</p><p>She agreed with him on that. That’s why she tried to keep her network free from corpos if she could help it. Still, the ones she had in her network had proven to be trustworthy.</p><p>V frowned, gut twisting. She wished she could still call up someone she knew in Biotechnica. They might know about how to save her ass from the relic. But she didn’t know if they would answer. Being on the blacklist— that was a death sentence. She’d have to beg for someone to call her back. And that— she couldn’t do it. Not after all the fucking shit she’d been through to get to be top dog of Night City. Not after Raul. She wasn’t without options yet. She had a few leads. She had something to work with at least. </p><p>“We could still talk to Rogue,” Johnny quipped.</p><p>“Drop it Johnny. You’re not getting my body,” she snapped and began to furiously chop the vegetables.</p><p>Johnny threw up his arms and stormed off yelling, “You want us to die? What the fucks’ your pride worth when you’re dead?” He glitched out of sight. </p><p>V chopped the vegetables like they were Johnny’s face. Rogue was all business and she didn’t extend friendship to anyone. Not a single merc could say they were close friends with the Queen of Night City. But Johnny could. More than, even. He’d been her output for a good while before she broke it off. He’d even run a few ops with her. Fought by her side. Fucked her. Loved her too; as much as he’d been capable of back then, all mixed up with the rage and pain.</p><p>V hated that her mind had touched his enough to know all this about him. It would be easier to stay angry at him and his prickly attitude if she couldn’t see glimpses of the traumatic memory that made him the way he was. Unhealthy coping mechanisms and all.</p><p>If anyone could get Rogue to chip out of her stone heart it would be Johnny Silverhand. But that meant Johnny needed to be the one doing the driving of her body and V was scared stiff of that. She didn’t know what would happen to her if he took control. He could decide he didn’t feel like going back to being a ghost. Just keep popping those little orange pills that haunted V’s nightmares till V’s brain gave out and threw itself at him like a joytoy. </p><p>She’d never realize he’d done her wrong. She would hold out as long as she could. Follow every fucking lead she could and do the legwork herself until she was out of options. Until it was a choice between crawling on her hands and knees, hacking up blood and brains coming out of her ears, or letting Johnny control her body. </p><p>She would make it work without her network. Without Rogue.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>---</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Johnny and her had dinner on her fancy deck furniture next to her fancy pool. Her empty bowl of stir-fry set next to a full bottle of rum, two cans of Nicola, and a cold glass waiting to be filled. Johnny was leaning back on the lounge chair looking relaxed, his fingers still idly strumming at the digital guitar he’d conjured up. </p><p>She could sometimes hear what he was playing, a tune or a few rifts, but it was faint. Like she was listening to someone play in another room. In a way she was. It was Johnny remembering what the music was supposed to sound like. Not actual sound waves. Just his faded memories.</p><p>Watching him play stirred up an old longing in her. A missing something that she hadn’t felt in decades. She could only play a few cords but wanted to learn how to play her soul on the strings.</p><p>“Can you teach me to play?” </p><p>The question slipped out without thought and V regretted it immediately.</p><p>Johnny looked up at her. “What? Guitar?”</p><p>“Uh, yeah.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Why not?” His quick rejection stung somewhere near her heart. </p><p>Johnny shrugged. “Don’t want to.”</p><p>V supposed that was fair. They didn’t know each other very well but would it really hurt him to teach her a few things? She sighed, disappointed but not willing to press the issue. She poured herself two fingers of rum and filled the rest of the glass with Nicola. </p><p>Johnny grimaced. “You know there're other drinks besides that crap right?”</p><p>“Rum and Nicola is good.”</p><p>He looked disappointed in her. “It’s useless. Basic too.”</p><p>She shrugged, sipping at her top-shelf rum. “I’m basic.”</p><p>He laughed at that. It didn’t sound condescending but she didn’t know him well enough to be sure. He was a bit monotone but his words really said what he meant. Johnny wasn’t one to hold back what he really thought. </p><p>“Favorite drink says a lot about a person,” he said. </p><p>That didn’t sound like an insult but she narrowed her eyes in suspicion because it didn’t sound like a compliment either. </p><p>He sneered at her. “It’s a useless drink that doesn’t do fuck all to get you drunk. Not worth a damn.”</p><p>V flinched at his barb, anger bubbling low in her gut. He was such a fucking asshole. “Harsh.”</p><p>He went back to strumming his guitar, the soft faded sound of the music playing in the back of her mind. “Truth hurts, V.”</p><p>“Fuck off, prick,” V snapped. She had enough of him. </p><p>“Cunt.”</p><p>“Militech pawn.”</p><p>“You don’t know a fucking thing!” he snarled and threw his guitar to the ground. It disappeared as soon as it left his hands.</p><p>V laughed. A bitter sound that came from the depths of her gutter-trash childhood and the fight for survival her entire family lived through because of him.</p><p> “Know enough. Heard it from my parents who lived through it.” She sneered. “You know what they called your grand fight against the corpos? Eh, Johnnyboy?”</p><p>The glare he gave her would have made a lesser merc piss themselves. V didn’t give a fuck. She was stuck with the terrorist in her head who helped break Night City and turn it into a city of shadows and nightmares.</p><p>“They call it the Night City Holocaust. Your stunt killed so many people. For what? What the fuck did you gain? <i>You died.</i>”</p><p>Johnny looked…she wasn’t sure. His face was cycling through expressions so loaded with emotions they all blended together. He glitched halfway across the pool deck and started pacing wildly. There was a sharp something building in the back of her chest. Acid and horrible. Panic. Guilt. Shame. Defeat. </p><p>Sorrow?</p><p>She might have gone too far. He hadn’t known about the aftermath of his failed Arasaka heist. He was zeroed only a few hours after the bomb went off. He hadn’t been around for the death-toll of twelve-thousand Arasaka employees to be tallied or for the reports of all the civilian deaths days and weeks afterward from the radiation poisoning. Kids dying because of him.</p><p>“The bomb was supposed to go off underground,” Johnny said. He sounded on the verge of hysterics. “Wasn’t supposed to— Fuck.” He looked at her and she saw the panic in his eyes. <i>"How many?”</i></p><p>She had gone too far. </p><p>“Almost seven hundred thousand people,” she whispered.</p><p>Johnny froze. Didn’t respond. Just immediately glitched away. The spot at the base of her skull burned like a hot knife was in it. His emotions were everywhere. Ricocheting up and up and dragging her down into them. He was having a panic attack and her body was responding to him. Her breath picked up and her heart pounded a million miles an hour.</p><p>“Johnny! Johnny, you gotta calm down!” He didn’t say anything and her chest started hurting like it was in a vice. “Johnny, <i>please.</i>”</p><p>Nothing. No response. </p><p>She couldn’t do this. His guilt was suffocating her. The ‘relic malfunction’ warning flashed in her eyes and nausea hit her. She started coughing but couldn’t get enough breath to cough from the panic squeezing her throat. His panic was going to kill her. </p><p>V stumbled to her bathroom, using the railing as a lifeline. The omega blockers were sitting on the countertop where they’d been for weeks now. With a shaking hand, she managed to get one of the pills in her mouth. Took her a few tries before she could choke it down. </p><p>Johnny’s emotions slowly faded to a dull roar in the back of her chest. She took a deep breath. It was a shitty thing to do. Leaving him alone like that. V hated that she had done it but she didn’t see another solution. The feedback loops would kill them both if they couldn’t figure it out.</p><p><br/>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Act One: Like A Supreme - Black Dog</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
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  <i>//In concrete canyons squinting neon eyes.<br/>Black dog beside me, like shadow needing light.<br/>Stalk the backstreets, never at ease.<br/>Locked in a chase that'll never cease.<br/>Black dog in my head,<br/>Guiding me to the end.//</i>
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  <b>Black Dog - Samurai</b>
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          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><b>CONTENT WARNING for nightmare death and trauma.</b><br/>Thanks again to all you lovelies who left kudos! Thank you to ravenstrange, silkspectre, StuckyandStarWars, Shanhelsng, ruruie for commenting and telling me your thoughts!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>V knew this was a nightmare. It happened the same every time. An endless loop of horror played over and over and over leaving her hallowed out. She hadn’t figured out how to outrun the terror yet. Doubt she ever would.</p><p>Her father shielded her and her mother from the gangers. Standing tall and proud. A rocker and street fighter. Hardened from growing up in bars and the fighting cages of Watson. She watched in slow motion, like she did every time, as he rushed the ganger trying to buy time for her mom to run with V to safety. He never stopped the gun in time. Never could stop the bullet that drilled in her mom’s brain and snuffed her out. One of the only good things to survive the city that took and took. Zeroed like nothing.</p><p>Always the same thing. Same memory etched into her soul. Nothing different. </p><p>Then suddenly it <i>was</i> different.</p><p>She was strapped to a chair. Wrists bleeding from the metal biting into her skin. A guy in a suit slapped her, her head snapping around hard at the impact. She spit out blood. Opened her eyes and her heart stopped. </p><p>Johnny was beside her, strapped in the chair, straining against the cuffs on his arms and legs. Bound like a dog. The suit slapped him. His head snapped around towards her and for one terrible second his head lolled like his neck broke. Then he spit out blood and his eyes fluttered open. Hot tears pricked her eyes as his honey-eyes connected with hers. </p><p>He was so scared.</p><p>She wanted to say something. Reassure him they would be okay. She knew they wouldn’t be. Saburo was talking to them. Arasaka tower was ablaze in the window behind him. The technicians slid the Soulkiller wreaths over their heads. </p><p>Twin crowns of death. </p><p>Johnny didn’t look away from her and she couldn’t look away from him. She knew what was coming and she couldn’t let him die alone.</p><p>No one deserved to die alone.</p><p>Johnny’s eyes widened like he heard her. She opened her mouth to say something and then her head was splitting and her brain was being torn into zeros and ones.</p><p>She woke up screaming.</p><p>She had stopped waking up screaming at twenty-two when Vik would wrap her in his arms and whisper to her until she stopped crying. She was used to seeing her mom die over and over again but this was too new. A terror that wasn’t her own. Johnny’s nightmare was much worse. Dying like that- ripped apart into bits and feeling every second of it was so much worse. V dropped her head into her hands, sucking in fast breaths to calm her heart. Her sheets were sticking to her with the sweat.</p><p>“Johnny?” She croaked, voice cracking. She took a breath and tried again, using just her mind because her voice felt like it was being dragged out from her toes. Everything was too raw. </p><p>“Johnny? You there?”</p><p>The blockers had worn off hours ago. Probably why she had such a vivid nightmare. She knew he was listening. The spot at the base of her skull was burning. She could feel his mind touching hers. Restless.</p><p>She sighed and curled into herself, taking comfort in the familiar scent of her own home. She had a routine to deal with the nightmares when they came but she was thrown for a loop. There was no way she could deal with his vivid re-living of his death by drinking a cup of ‘ganic decaf coffee and reading a smutty book till she passed out. She glanced at her clock.</p><p>Four twenty-two. Too early.</p><p>V doubted Johnny would talk. He seemed too stubborn to seek such a basic thing like comfort. Didn’t want to look weak even after reliving trauma. Honestly, she understood. Years ago she was the same, rebuffing any kind of comfort when her demons came knocking. Now though? Now she had no problem admitting when she needed a shoulder to cry on and right now she needed someone to tell her her demons weren’t going to swallow her whole. Maybe he needed the same thing.</p><p>“Johnny? You just gonna ignore me?”</p><p>She heard him glitch into the room. She rolled over to see him leaning up against the window, staring out over Night City. His flesh hand was white-knuckled on his metal arm. Holding himself together.</p><p>“The fuck you want me to say?” His voice was tight. “Want me to apologize? For making you see that? Getting zeroed with me?”</p><p>V sat up, crossing her legs and propping herself against the headboard. She rubbed circles into her ankles with her thumbs. “Thought you might want to talk about it.”</p><p>He scoffed. “Nothing to talk about.”</p><p>V relented, too tired to wade through his posturing bullshit. “Not gonna bug you about it if you don’t want me to Johnny.” She could feel how torn up he was but if he wanted to pretend he didn’t have emotions besides confidence and rage, she wouldn’t bother.</p><p>Johnny turned his head to look at her and she was confused by the range of emotions flashing across it. Like he couldn’t make up his mind about what he was thinking. The pain in the back of her chest was lessening the longer he stared at her. He was shutting her out and shoving her away. The storm of feelings got less and less until it was gone.</p><p>Johnny looked away. “Don’t need to talk about a thing, V.”</p><p>
 <i> <span>-shut me away anyways with them fuckin’ pills-</span></i>
</p><p>She blinked at his thought, clear and loud in her head. “Didn’t want to shut you out, Johnny, but I couldn’t breath.”</p><p>His breath hitched. He didn’t mean for her to hear that. </p><p>V rubbed a path up and down her leg. She didn’t know what to. He didn’t want her help but couldn’t walk away from her and it was making them both miserable. His lack of response about using the omega blocker on him was clear enough to her. He was mad. Or hurt. She couldn’t tell.</p><p>“If I promise not to take the blockers again, unless absolutely necessary, will that make you feel better?” She didn’t know what else she could do to make this okay again.</p><p>He shifted his weight foot to foot. At some point, he’d started smoking one of his digital cigarettes that didn’t do anything to help ease his mind.</p><p>“Don’t fucking care what you do, bitch.”</p><p>Anger surged through her, hot and searing. She was tired and raw from the nightmare. </p><p>“Fine then! Fuck you, prick. I’m trying to be understanding and you’re pushing me away. You don’t wanna talk that’s fuckin’ fine.”</p><p>Johnny glitched to stand in front of her, staring down at her with a sneer. “Am I supposed to say thank you?”</p><p>She sneered right back. “Nah, just don’t be a dick when someone tries to care.”</p><p>His laugh was acid. “Didn’t ask you to care.”</p><p>V rolled her eyes with a snort, feeling pretty damn apathetic towards him the more he ran his gonk mouth. </p><p>“Okay then. I don’t care. Ghost off if you don’t wanna talk to me. I don’t gotta deal with your fuckin’ temper tantrum.”</p><p>“Bitch,” he spat and V rolled her eyes again. He was acting like a child. A child who didn’t know how to use his words to explain what was bothering him. Screaming like a baby who either needed his ass wiped or food and couldn’t decide which one it was.</p><p>She got out of bed, moving straight through him. Her skin tingled as it passed through the digital hallucination. He flickered a few feet ahead of her, glaring daggers at her as she walked into her bathroom.</p><p>“That all I am now? A fuckin’ hallucination your dying brain cooked up?”</p><p>She didn’t look at him. Wouldn’t give him a fraction of the attention he was throwing a fit for. </p><p>She pulled her night-shirt over her head, fully aware Johnny was watching. It wasn’t like she could get away from his eyes unless she undressed in the dark. He usually stayed out of the bathroom, giving her a fake sense of privacy but in anger he followed her in, leaning against the door, glaring hate at her back as she stripped.</p><p>He stayed there the entire time. Silently seething. Angry at himself and taking it out on her. Always hurting people that tried to show an ounce of care for him. She saw enough of his memories to know this was his default setting. Like a corrupted computer program that couldn’t be fixed. He was an assault rifle of a man waiting to blow people apart with his bullet-words. V pretended he didn’t exist, standing under the steaming water rinsing away the evidence of Johnny’s nightmare from her clammy skin. </p><p>She didn’t want to be alone with Johnny today. Not after their fight last night and then the nightmare and now whatever this was going on between them. She didn’t want to be alone with the creeping dread that her life was too far out of hand to salvage or Johnny’s constant reminders of how much he didn’t like her. His jabs didn’t help stave off the feeling of a slow descent into despair. </p><p>It was early but Vik would be up and at his clinic. He was always there before five am. A routine he had stuck to for years. She threw on some clothes and grabbed her keys for her ARCH. She wanted to feel the wind while she raced through the streets of NC. Clear her mind with the pointless speed.</p><p>Johnny glitched away but he was still there. Watching through her eyes. Hearing through her ears. Her personal black dog, nipping at her heels. Her constant shadow. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>—</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Johnny had gotten over the nightmare and was back to his same irritating self. He started pestering her again to talk to Rogue. V ignored him each time. He glitched in the doorway of Misty’s shop, taking up the whole space like some kind of security guard, a deep frown on his face.  </p><p>“Let me talk to Rogue. Or just ask her for help for fuck’s sake. Don’t even need me to talk to her. We just gotta do something. Anything besides waiting to die.”</p><p>She passed through him and straight into the back calling “Vik in?” as she walked by Misty.</p><p>“Customer just left!” Misty answered cheerfully. V was grateful for the woman’s understanding nature and that she wasn’t insulted by V’s lack of greeting.</p><p>V jogged down the steps and pulled the chain door open without preamble. Johnny flickered into the room over by Vik’s desk, standing in a defensive pose, arms crossed and legs shoulder length apart. Glaring. Always glaring with him. Didn’t he know how to make any other expression?</p><p>Vik startled out of his chair. “V? What’s wro—” </p><p>She threw herself at him, burrowing her face into his chest, fingers grabbing fistfuls of the back of his shirt. His arms immediately wrapped around her, securing her to him until there was no space for her to tremble by herself. Every tremor was absorbed by his solid frame, keeping her grounded.</p><p>She hadn’t realized she was shaking. Her legs felt weak. Knees locked to keep her upright, she breathed in Vik, finding comfort in the familiar smell of musk, cologne and metal that was all him. Vik held her silently while she tried to get her shaking under control.</p><p>“Tell me what’s wrong?” Vik asked in that soft tone of voice that always calmed her heart and soothed her aching soul.</p><p>She took a breath, opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. Her throat locked up on her, shutting out anything that wasn’t the sob that suddenly burst from her. She shook violently, sobs consuming her in their intensity. Hot tears sprung to her eyes.</p><p>“Oh, V,” Vik breathed, and he started to pet her back in a soothing gesture, his hand dragging up and down her back slowly. His other hand rested on the back of her neck, thumb rubbing small circles right over the spot that always burned. “This about the relic?”</p><p>She managed to shake her head. Johnny was an asshole but he wasn’t the cause for her breakdown. She could handle a temper tantrum from an emotionally repressed arty-boy. But his constant jabs and barbs over the last month, the vivid nightmare, and the lack of leads had gotten to her. Crawled under her skin and hollowed her out. The reality of all she’d lost settling into her soul like rot.</p><p>She felt Vik sigh softly and then he picked her up bridal style, keeping her tucked to his chest, and took them to the backroom. He sat them on the couch, holding her in his lap with his arms wrapped around her like two solid bands of metal. V could feel Johnny. Even drowning in her sorrow she could still feel his mind touching hers, dancing in her brain like an old memory that defined her. With a sob, she realized her life could be separated into two stages: Before Johnny and After Johnny. He was creeping into everything she did. It was like Vik said. Eventually, she wouldn’t know she wasn’t her anymore.</p><p>Vik held her for a long time, whispering sweet nothings into her ear, softly running his hands up and down her arms in a rhythm that gave her something to concentrate on. When her sobs finally stopped and she was only sniffling pathetically, he gently moved her off his lap. He leaned into her space and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. His mouth ticked up into a fond smile.</p><p>“I’ll be right back,” he said quietly, then he got up and went into a small storage closet.</p><p>Johnny appeared across the room, sitting on top of the table Vik took his breaks at, using the chair for a footrest instead of the seat it was meant to be. He was hiding his expression behind his aviators but she could sense his tangled yarn ball of emotions like he wasn’t trying to hide them at all. Maybe he wasn’t. Making her deal with his emotions as well as her own would be like the man she’d seen for far. She turned away from him, shutting him out as much as she could. She shouldn’t be forced to deal with his outbursts just because he couldn’t process emotions without a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of tequila in the other.</p><p>Vik came back carrying something that was big and wrapped in a quilted blanket. The kind used for old instruments. She sat up on her knees, throat gone dry.</p><p>“Is that—?”</p><p>Vik beamed at her. “Your old guitar?” </p><p>He sat next to her, V shuffled over to make room and unwrapped the ancient instrument.  An acoustic guitar. It looked just like she remembered it except the ocean blue paint was a bit more faded. The chip in the lower right of the frame from where she’d dropped it once as a little girl.</p><p>She felt tears prick her eyes all over again. “Vik…”</p><p>“I kept it. Didn’t have the heart to sell it,” he explained and V’s heart surged with the deep love she had for him. They had been friends before they had been lovers. After a few years of them being together, they decided they worked better as friends. They fit well together but whatever made romantic love work just wasn’t there between them. Sometimes she wished it was.</p><p>Vik ran a fond hand up the neck of the guitar. “I sold a few other things of mine instead. Kept this hidden away. Knew it was important to you so it was important to me.”</p><p>He handed it over and she took it, settling it into her lap. And damn it felt like it belonged there. Emotions clashed within her, pulling her in every direction. Her words stuck in her throat. He’d kept this— her dad’s guitar— safe for almost twenty years. Sold his own things to help her. How much did he have to pawn off to match what the guitar was worth?</p><p>“What did—”</p><p>“Not doing that V,” he cut her off and V’s mouth clicked shut. He lit up a cigarette and blew out a long stream of smoke, filling the air with the cloying scent of his brand. He liked the ones heavy with flavors. Never did like the tobacco much so he bought smokes that were laced with some fruity flavor enhancers. A special brand from way back in his day. Rare nowadays but he managed to find them somehow.</p><p>“We aren’t going to hash out twenty-year-old mistakes. Not why I brought this out.” He gestured to the guitar.</p><p>She looked down, ran her fingertips lovingly over the strings. “Yeah. Okay.” </p><p>She’d been a dumb, desperate kid back then. Needed some eddies to pay a loan she’d taken out to try and save her dad. The surgery hadn’t kept him alive and she was crater-deep in debt to the Tyger Claws. It had been either sell herself or sell the guitar. She’d asked Vik to take it to the pawnshop because something irreparable would have broken inside her if she had to. He’d come back with fewer eddies than she knew it was worth but enough to save her and she’d been bitter for years about it.</p><p>She knew Johnny could see her memories- <span>Vik trailing his fingers down her spine, whispering that they would be okay - her sobbing as her dad’s hand went limp in hers - Vik handing her a shard with the eddies on it, her trying to stop the tears from falling in front of him, not wanting him to feel more guilty-</span> and she stole a glance at him. He was staring at his hands, twisting his rings around his fingers. Not looking at her.</p><p>She looked back at the guitar. “I looked for this.” Her voice was shaky. Vik reached over and gripped her knee. The pressure was comforting. “When I finally made it. Looked around at collectors and shops.” She let out a watery laugh. “No wonder I couldn’t find it.”</p><p>“You never told me,” Vik said moving back to take another deep drag from his smoke. “Would have given it to you then. I didn’t want you to be reminded of your dad’s death every time you looked at it. I shouldn’t have decided that for you.”</p><p>“This is better. Means no one else touched this. Only me and my dad.” </p><p>V bit her lip as sadness rolled through her, pulling from a place she hadn’t touched in years. She’d made peace with her dad’s death years ago but this brought closure to the situation that she didn’t know she needed.</p><p>“You used to play when you were upset,” Vik prompted, relaxing into the couch, legs sprawled out comfortably.</p><p>“I haven’t played since I told you to sell this,” she admitted. Her heart twisted at the thought. Over two decades since she last picked up a guitar and played. “Don’t know if I can even remember what it feels like.”</p><p>A memory of her dad teaching her a few cords floated into her mind like a warm cup of coffee on a rainy day. The picture of her dad’s ripped jeans- ripped from crawling under cars -and the sound of her mom's singing, coming from the one-heat-burner-kitchen they had in the little lean-to her dad built them. Her child-hands gripping the guitar’s neck that was way too big for her to get to the strings.</p><p>She wrapped her hands around the guitar and her fingers touched the strings. She plucked at a few of them. It was horribly out of tune and she chuckled. ‘Course it was. She tuned it the best she could, not having the trained ear for it, and strummed a few cords. </p><p>She played for a bit, mindlessly plucking away in a sort of melody that she remembered from long, long ago, Vik smoking next to her, relaxed and listening. It was straight out of her past. Back when she was a young merc with everything to prove.</p><p>After a while, Vik murmured “Wanna talk about it?” and she started talking. Spilling her soul out to him in a way she hadn’t done with anyone in years. </p><p>It was bittersweet. Johnny could see into her soul, slowly knowing her in a way she didn’t want him to and it wasn’t even his fault. He didn’t want to get to know her like that. He didn’t want to try and earn the right to know her inner thoughts.</p><p>She didn’t want to know him like that either. Didn’t have the right to know his pains and hopeless dreams. His regrets. But she was slowly seeing them and he was seeing hers. And neither of them wanted it.</p><p>She told Vik about Raul shutting her out. About the leads not going anywhere. About how deeply she regretted Vincent and Jackie’s deaths. Told him about how she could see and talk to Johnny.</p><p>That got a startled look from him. “You can talk to him? Johnny Silverhand? Actually, hold a conversation with him?”</p><p>She sighed, sliding down into the couch. </p><p>“Ye—es. And he is very mouthy.”</p><p>“Mouthy?”</p><p>V waved a hand flippantly to encompass all of Johnny’s shit. “He’s an asshole that has opinions on every. Fucking. Thing.”</p><p>“I…let me scan you.”</p><p>She looked at Vik from the corner of her eye. “Why?”</p><p>He threw his hands up in the air, ash flicking off the half-burned smoke. “Because you can talk to the parasite—” V frowned at him calling Johnny that— “In your head, that’s killing you! I need to make sure it’s not making things worse. You taking those meds?”</p><p>She pursed her lips.</p><p>“V!”</p><p>“They give me a headache and make my face look like a murder scene! I don’t wanna Vik!”</p><p>She sounded so fucking young. Like she was a petulant teenager again and he was just her ripperdoc. If she had an ounce of shame left when it came to Vik she might have felt mortified but she and Vik had seen each other at their worst and there was almost nothing they didn’t know about one another.</p><p>Vik dragged his hands down his face with a long-suffering sigh. “Fine. You don’t wanna shut it out-”</p><p>“Him.”</p><p>He blinked at her. “What?”</p><p>She glanced away, realizing how gonked she was sounding but she pressed forward anyway. “Him. Not ‘it.’ His names’ Johnny.”</p><p>Vik stared at her for so long she started to fidget. “This some kind of Stockholm thing?”</p><p>Her head snapped around to look at him. “What? No! If anything he’s trapped with me. No one else can hear him but me.” She put her guitar on the couch and stood up to pace. “It’s like I’m his prison.” </p><p>Her gut went heavy. She was Johnny’s jailer and jail cell.</p><p>“Stop it V.” Vik was giving her a stern look. “Don’t know what you’re thinking but it’s more of that self-deprecating shit. Don’t let him do that to you.”</p><p>A bark of laughter. “It’s not Johnny. This is all me. Doing my own head in.” She shrugged. “Thinking too much.”</p><p> He shook his head, not pressing the issue, and stood up. “C’mon. Gonna check out how your brain is holding up.’</p><p>She followed him out, guitar in hand, and slid into the operating chair. Vik pressed a few buttons, moved a few arms of equipment, and V relaxed under his attention. She closed her eyes, just letting herself drift while she waited. He fiddled for a bit and then studied the brain scan for a long time.</p><p>“Well,” Vik said and V opened her eyes to look at the brain scans herself. She had no idea what she was looking at though. “Looks like it’s progressing slower than I first thought. I can see where it’s- he’s- creeping in— the blue lines there— but it’s good for now. Looks like you’ll have a few months to figure things out if it stays at this pace.”</p><p>V nodded then went stiff when Vik pinned her with his ‘don’t bullshit me’ face. It made her feel like a gonk twenty-something again.</p><p>“You need to do something about it.” V opened her mouth to protest but Vik cut her off with a sharp gesture. “Doesn’t matter if it’s going slow. Johnny’s still killing you. He will kill you if the relic takes over too much of your brain. What kind of leads do you have to get this fixed?”</p><p>She dropped her head into her hands. A rush of breath left her lungs, sounding harsh in the quiet of the clinic. Vik let her compose herself, patiently waiting with his arms crossed, ripperdoc hand tapping against his forearm. V could hear the tell-tale sound that meant Johnny had appeared somewhere around her. She held up her first finger and began to tick off the leads, face still hidden from him in her other hand. </p><p>“Evelyn Parker. Hellman. And that corpo, Goro.” </p><p>She raised her head from her hand to look at Vik. He raised his eyebrow and made a ‘keep going’ gesture. Johnny was just behind Vik’s shoulder, leaning against the wall and watching her with an impassive expression. She managed to keep her eyes from focusing on him.</p><p> “Evelyn is with the Moxes. I’m just going to sneak in the back door ‘cause they won’t let me in the front. Waiting on Goro to contact me so that’s on his timetable. And Hellman….” She trailed off, not wanting to get into all the reasons asking Rogue was a bad idea.</p><p>“Hellman what?” Vik knew she was stalling. He always was the first one to call her out on her shit and made her better for it.</p><p>She puffed out a breath and ran a hand through her long hair. Her fingers caught on the curls and she tugged them free. “Hellman is a corpo I gotta track down and abduct.” </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Maybe abduct. Probably. Highly likely abduct.”</p><p>“Fuckin’ hell V.”</p><p>She cracked a wry grin. “I know.”</p><p>Vik shook his head, exasperated with her. He shifted, suddenly looking uncomfortable as he connected some dots she’d left him someplace in their conversations. The man was so smart. Always reading between the lines even when the lines were blurry. </p><p>“And you gotta talk to the Queen of Fixers to get a hold of this Hellman fellow,” he stated, understanding on his face.</p><p>V sighed.</p><p>“I see.” He knew why she wouldn’t want to do it. He frowned and locked eyes with her and the flint in them made her sit up straighter, knowing he wasn’t fucking around. “You gotta talk to her V.”</p><p>She swore, turned away from him.</p><p>Vik put a hand on her shoulder with an encouraging squeeze. “I know it’s the last thing you want to do. You two have danced around each other in the ring for so long I’m not sure you can have a normal conversation with that woman.”</p><p>She could feel Johnny’s curiosity bubbling beneath the surface. The spot at the base of her skull burned as he took a look at whatever he was seeing. Rogue and her were opposite sides of the same coin.  Fixer and merc. Rogue had been where V was now and had become the Queen of the Afterlife so she could leave the dirty work to someone else. V stayed a merc. She could have become a fixer but she wasn’t one to sit on the sidelines. Vik used to joke that she really was like a Knight from some Arthurian tales, helping out the people because of some code of honor and not stepping on Rogue’s toes because she was chivalrous like that. </p><p>V thought it was a bunch of shit. She’d worked with Rogue a few times before she almost got her killed and she knew without a doubt she couldn’t stand the woman. Respect her? Sort of. Like her? Absolutely not. And the respect she had for her was tainted by the stench of the corpo collar around Rogue’s neck. V couldn’t forgive that. Not when Rogue represented everything V had dedicated her life to fighting. Corpos ruined her parents. Made staying healthy a product for the wealthy. V had gone out of her way to take jobs that fucked over the corporations and Rogue stayed away from those kinds of gigs. Gave them a thumbs up for other fixers to set up and run but she herself never got that dirty.</p><p>“V.” </p><p>Vik stooped down so their faces were close and stared into her eyes with such raw emotion she wanted to run. His eyes were spotlights, lighting up her darkest parts. Pinning her in place like he was always able to do. “You’re dying. What’s your pride worth if you’re dead?”</p><p>Fucking hell if that didn’t jolt her to her core. Johnny’s exact words from the day before that he had spit out with venom and frustration, sounded so different coming from Vik. The words hit differently when every syllable was dripping with care and worry. She closed her eyes against the searchlights in Vik’s, laughing tiredly.</p><p>“He said the same thing.”</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“Johnny. That’s what’s got him so pissed. Doesn’t see the reason I don't wanna talk to Rogue.” She opened her eyes to meet Vik’s. “He was friends with her. Way back. Also doesn’t give a shit because my internal struggle isn’t his.”</p><p>Vik’s face softened with sympathy. “Look, V, I’m not encouraging you to roll over for the guy- he had a rep for a reason- but he’s not wrong about that one thing. If Rogue’s the only one who can help you, you’re going to have to talk to her. Pride be damned.”</p><p>She let her head thunk back against the chair headrest, staring up at the exposed ceiling of the clinic. “Yeah. I know, Vik. Just…—sigh— I know. I’ll talk to her.”</p><p>She propped herself up on her elbows just enough to look over at Johnny who hadn’t moved from his perch on the wall. </p><p>“I’ll talk to her,” she told him. He looked at her for a moment then winked out of existence, seeming to accept her bow of the knee.</p><p>She flopped back against the chair. She’d go see Rogue in a few days. After she talked to Evelyn. Maybe after talking to Goro if he contacted her soon. </p><p>But she would talk to Rogue. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Act One: Like A Supreme - Both Sides, Now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
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          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><b>Content warning: dubious consent, suicide, graphic depiction of violence</b><br/>Hope y'all like my interpretation of this Cyperpunk AU. Unlike the game V who was a merc for only 6 months before Johnny, this V has been a merc for almost thirty years. She's seen a lot of crap and knows how to handle herself almost as well as Johnny did. I hope I've made that clear in the narrative and that people enjoy this V!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>V broke into the Moxes club and staked it out, looking for someone who could lead her to Evelyn Parker. She had made her foxhole up in the spacious ceiling rafters, far away from prying eyes, and set up a netblock to keep scans and cameras from spotting her. She pulled out her third protein bar of the night. Johnny glitched next to her, sitting on a support beam, swinging his legs in the air.</p><p>“How long you thinkin’ we’re goin’ to be here?” He asked, peering at her bag which held her large supply of snacks.</p><p>V shrugged, taking a bite of the chalky bar that sort of tasted like chocolate. “All night if I have to. Gotta talk to Evelyn.”</p><p>Johnny gave a dramatic sigh then leaned back and tumbled off the rafter. V’s adrenaline spiked for a horrible second till she remembered he was just a bunch of code and was only in her head. He couldn’t die from falling.</p><p>She took another bite of her bar and settled in.</p><p>Three hours later she found her target. A girl named Judy who worked on the brain dances for the club. V snuck down into the basement and was able to corner the girl and convince her to talk. It helped that Judy was Evelyn’s friend and was worried sick about her.</p><p>Evelyn had gone back to work at a different club. A place called Clouds. A brothel for dolls. V stared up at the Clouds sign, feeling less than thrilled. Johnny glitched next to her looking up at the sign mirroring her.</p><p>“Don’t like dolls very much? He lit up a cigarette. Something for his hands to do.</p><p>V shrugged and walked inside. “Have nothing against dolls. Just think the behavioral chip is fuckin’ gross. Takes their choice away.”</p><p>“Might be for the best,” Johnny muttered. “Takes their memory of it too.”</p><p>V agreed.</p><p>“Welcome to Clouds,” the receptionist greeted, “would you care to jack in?”</p><p>“Sure.” V leaned against the counter, putting her hand in her jacket pockets feeling the bullet necklace Misty gave her sitting there. Her morbid luck charm. She jacked herself into the port.</p><p>Johnny glitched behind the counter, pacing around for a bit before leaning against the wall. “Gonna go in low and quiet? As a customer and break off from there?”</p><p>“Yeah. See if I can talk to Evelyn without a fuss,” she told him as the receptionist rambled on about the dolls and policies and such. </p><p>A list of dolls came up. The computer searched through them, sorting out various traits, and eventually ended up with a list of four different dolls. One looked very close to Johnny. She was not picking that one.</p><p>V frowned. “Is Evelyen not a match?”</p><p>“Evelyn?” The receptionist asked. “Are you a regular customer of hers?”</p><p>“You can say that. I wanted to see her tonight.”</p><p>“Just a moment.” The receptionist tapped at the screen for a few seconds before giving V a placating smile. “I’m sorry but Evelyn is not available at this moment.”</p><p>“She with someone else? I can wait.”</p><p>The receptionists’ smile went tight. She was hiding something. “I’m sorry but she isn’t working today. Only the dolls on your screen are available right now. I’m sure one of them will be perfect for you.”</p><p>“Something smells rotten V,” Johnny said, looking at the computer screen.</p><p>“What’s it say about Evelyn?”</p><p>Johnny’s eyes scanned over the info. “Just says she’s ‘not in stock.’”</p><p>“Fuckin’ hell,” V muttered. “They even make them sound like a damn toy.”</p><p>“They are called dolls for a reason,” Johnny grumbled. </p><p>Someone cleared their throat. V’s eyes snapped up to see the receptionist’s strained smile.</p><p>“Who would you like to see tonight?”</p><p>V decided on a guy named Angel. He looked nice enough.</p><p>“And what is your Safeword?”</p><p>V glanced at Johnny, smirking a bit. “Silverhand.”</p><p>Johnny flicked her off. “Screw you.”</p><p>She went into Clouds and straight to room nine. The doll was sitting in the chair, looking every bit a proper escort in his shiny clothing. His eyes were glowing blue, the behavioral chip already active, and he gave her a sweet smile.</p><p>“You must be Velexis.” His voice was too soft. Too gentle. </p><p>“Just V,” she corrected him. His smile didn’t waver.</p><p>“Very well, V. Please sit.” She did. Angel climbed onto the bed with her, crawling up her and making her lay down, stopping so that he was hovering over her.</p><p>“You look like you need a good, long break,” he whispered. V flinched at the too-soft voice that slid over her like oil.</p><p>“You seriously gonna let this doll get you off?” Johnny appeared in the chair Angel had just been in. He was watching the two of them with interest. “Mean, guess I’m not complaining. Long as I get to watch.”</p><p>“Why am I not surprised,” she sighed. She gasped, startled, as a hand dragged up her side warm and soft. She toyed with the idea of letting the session go all the way but with Johnny watching like a voyeur, she wasn’t feeling it. She gently removed Angel’s hand from her breast and rolled him off her and sat up.</p><p>“Silverhand.”</p><p>The session stopped. Angel went limp then clicked back to life like a toy being turned on. He sat up glancing around bewildered. When he saw her he scrambled off the bed.</p><p>“You ended the session? I don’t understand? Did I do something wrong?” The poor guy sounded panicked and V felt a pang of worry. Did they track that kind of thing? Would he get in trouble because of her?</p><p>“Whoa, calm down, hun.” She stayed sitting, trying to ease his anxiety. “You did nothing wrong. It’s okay.  Are you going to get in trouble for me terminating the session?”</p><p>Angel’s eyes went wide. His hands were shaking when he went to pull a cigarette from his back pocket. Fuck. How bad would this guy get it for her fuck up?</p><p>“Tell me, honey,” she cooed.</p><p>He swallowed, bright purple eyes flicking around the room like little hummingbirds. “It’s…not good when a client terminates the session so soon. It Means the chip isn’t working right. Gotta get fixed.”</p><p>The floor dropped out from beneath her. They probably monitored everything and would know if he didn’t do what the behavioral chip said he needed to do. Tyger Claw wasn’t known for being kind to their sex workers.</p><p>V rubbed her forehead, a headache setting in. “How are you scored?”</p><p>Angel bit his lip.</p><p>“Just tell me, babe,” she encouraged.</p><p>“By completed sessions.”</p><p>She sighed heavily before reaching for the speaker next to the bed that would ring the front desk. Angel followed her with anxious eyes. Johnny stayed quiet, watching her.</p><p>“How may I be of service?” The receptionists’ tinny voice came through the speaker.</p><p>“Hey there, sorry to bother you. I accidentally said my safeword,” V lied through her teeth. “Angel here was doing fine.”</p><p>“No problem. Would you like me to resume the session? We cannot offer refunds.”</p><p>V glanced at Angel who still looked like he was about to break down crying. “Yes. Please restart the session.”</p><p>“My pleasure. Would you like to change your safeword?”</p><p>“Yeah. Make it Arasaka.”</p><p>Johnny snorted.</p><p>“Done,” the receptionist chirped. “Enjoy your session.”</p><p>V looked directly at Johnny. “Leave.”</p><p>“What? Can’t I watch?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“You’re no fun V.”</p><p>“Fuck off or I’ll make you,” she growled.</p><p>Johnny sneered at her. “Thought you’d only take the pills when ‘absolutely necessary. Don’t think this counts.”</p><p>The lights dimmed and Angel’s eyes started glowing blue, slipping back into the behavioral doll.</p><p>“I’m serious, Silverhand. Fuck off.”</p><p>He rolled his eyes with a huff. “I’ll just watch it through your eyes.”</p><p>“Then do that. Just don’t be in the room with your glitchy-ass self.”</p><p>“Fine.” </p><p>He glitched away just as Angel came back over to stand before her. He straddled her waist, hands gripping her shoulders. </p><p>“You look like you need a good, long break,” he whispered. V let him guide her down then he stretched out over her. His weight was solid against her. She wasn’t really in the mood for sex but Angel knew what to do and she was slowly lulled into a loose state of foreplay. Behavioral chip made him know. Like being inside her head. He drew tiny gasps and little moans from her. She had never been a vocal lover. Angel didn’t mind. Didn’t try to make her cry out like some had. He just went at whatever pace the behavioral chip told him to. </p><p>The spot at the base of her skull burned.</p><p>She let herself enjoy as much as her conscience would allow until finally, it was over. Angel cleaned her with a warm towel that he retrieved from a hidden drawer, and he soothed her muscles with a gentle massage. She dressed quickly. Angel gave her a too-soft smile and then the session was over. It wasn’t as abrupt as when she said the safeword but the lights stayed dim. She could see the blue glow in his eyes. She only needed to wait it out for a few minutes before the glow turned off and he was suddenly back to himself.</p><p>“Why haven’t you left?” He asked, shifting foot to foot. “You’re not supposed to stay after the session is over.” </p><p>V locked eyes with him. “Tell me about Evelyn, please.”</p><p>Angel was reluctant, downright hostile almost, but he eventually told her about the VIP room and that one of Evelyn’s friends worked there. V snuck in easily and went straight for the doll, Tom. He told her she’d been missing for weeks now and directed her to the head boss of Clouds. Said that he would know what happened. </p><p>The man was a snake but he caved easily when V bribed him with eddies she didn’t need. Twenty-K later and she knew what had happened. Evelyn’s behavioral chip had been fried and she had been thrown away like a god-damn piece of property. </p><p>V and Judy, who insisted she come along, followed the breadcrumbs from Clouds to the ripperdoc Evelyn had been sold to and then to a BD den. A place where all kinds of horror happened. They’d used the poor girl up and then kept taking and taking.</p><p>V took out the entire building full of scum, firing her twin pistols left and right, zeroing any gonk that so much as looked at her. She was out for blood. These cesspool spots needed to be burned off the map. When she found Evelyn unresponsive, sitting limp by a bed covered in blood hooked up to a BD scroller, she felt sick. Johnny appeared in the room pacing around, smoking a cigarette looking at Evelyn with stormy eyes. His emotions were haywire. He was all over the place from anger to rage to grief to apathy in a constant buzzing cycle. The spot at the base of her skull burned like a hot piece of metal was strapped to it.</p><p>Judy and V got Evelyn out of there quickly. V carried her bridal style, keeping her head cradled in the crook of her neck. They got her to Judy’s place. V helped Judy clean her up and bandaged the cuff-burns and put ointment on the deep bruises. Johnny didn’t say anything the entire time. After a few hours of changing seats from the couch to the balcony, Judy called her into her office room. She had gone through Evelyn’s brain for V, looking for anything that might help her.</p><p>“Thank you,” V choked out. “I know how hard that must have been.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Judy told the ground, “did it for you. Want you to know that.”</p><p>“Thank you Judy. Means a lot.”</p><p>The BD’s Judy managed to scroll from Evelyn’s broken mind showed her their next led. The Voodoo Boys. They were the only group she knew of that would have netrunners interested in a long-dead netrunner named Alt.</p><p>Johnny glitched into the room, pacing around like he had when he first showed up in her head. Moving like a trapped animal. Or a dragon by the amount of smoke he was breathing out from his cigarette. He stormed up to her, pointing a finger inches from her face.</p><p>“How the hell do you know about Alt?” His tone was accusatory. Like she had been hiding from something. V slapped his hand away.</p><p>“The fuck’s it matter?” She snapped.</p><p>“Just tell me, cunt.”</p><p>“God, you’re such a prick sometimes.”</p><p>“V,” he snarled in warning. </p><p>She rolled her eyes, not giving a flying fuck about his temper. “I had a network, remember? I know some of the best netrunners in the world. They know about Alt and so I know about Alt. She’s some kind of AI behind the Blackwall. Not surprising the VDB wanted to get to her.” Her eyes tracked him as he paced back and forth Judy’s living room. “Question is, why they wanted you to get to her.”</p><p>Johnny went to the window, leaning on the windowsill. She could feel his roiling anxiety bubbling deep in her gut. </p><p>“What makes you think I know?”</p><p>She took a step towards him. “What aren’t you telling me, Johnny?”</p><p>He exploded in a flurry of motion, glitching around the room until he finally stopped in front of her, shaking with emotions she couldn’t begin to suss out. “Drop it V. All I know is that one way or another, everything leads back to that netrunner. If she knows as much as I think she does about the chip, she’s our best bet.”</p><p>“Right,” V sighed, not wanting to pull teeth to get the answers from him. “So finding her is our top priority.”</p><p>“Seem’s like,” Johnny agreed. </p><p>He glitched away as she left to room. She walked over to Judy who was standing in the doorway of her room, looking at Evelyn.</p><p>“Don’t leave her alone,” V warned Judy. “She’s fragile. No idea what she could do.” </p><p>V had seen what deep trauma could drive a person to do. Judy nodded, hugging herself tighter, eyes locked on her friend laying unresponsive in her bed.</p><p>V left the apartment and went straight home needing to get off the unforgiving streets of Night City. She locked her front door behind her, ordered all the window tints to their darkest setting, setting her optics just bright enough to see in the dark. She dove into her liquor cabinet, pulling out her bottle of rum. She poured herself a good six ounces, turned down her synth-liver, and downed the entire thing in one go.</p><p>Johnny stayed silent but the liquid poison did nothing to dull his swirling storm of emotions. She couldn’t hear his thoughts but his feelings were overwhelming. The man felt everything so deeply and intense it was like the world was on blast for him all the time. No wonder he had such bad coping mechanisms. Ones that were starting to bleed into her. She never went for a bottle first thing. Not before him. Before Johnny.</p><p>She stumbled to her bed, rum already hitting her blood, and collapsed face down into her bed. The room spun and swayed. V welcomed the numbness in her fingers and toes and lips, letting everything dull to a quiet roar in the back of her mind for a few precious hours. She fell asleep like that, feeling jaded and bitter.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>—</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Judy called her two days later asking her to come to her apartment quickly. V got there too late. Evelyn’s lifeless body was in the bathtub, curled up into herself. Broken. Beyond broken. </p><p>Judy was trying hard not to sob but V rubbed gentle circles into her back and the girl fell apart. V held her while the girl cried; angry, bitter, and heartbroken.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>—</p><p><br/>
</p><p>A few days after Evelyn’s small funeral, Judy called V. She wanted to hit Clouds. Tear it down and give control over to the dolls. V understood Judy’s pain and wanted to help-- even if Johnny didn’t want to. He was a dick about it, not happy helping out ‘some dolls.’</p><p>“Fucks sake, Johnny! Don’t you ever shut up?” she snapped, whirling around to jab a finger at him that poked three inches inside his chest. Her skin tingled where it touched his zeros and ones. “I’m going to help Judy like it or not because otherwise that kids’ gonna get herself zeroed. Not having that on my conscience! Not another one!”</p><p>Johnny’s flesh hand wrapped around her wrist. Her breath caught. He was staring down at her, frowning. They stood inches apart. The closest they had been since they’d woken up with their brains tangled together, both terrified and angry from dying.</p><p>“This ‘bout Vincent?” he asked and his voice was soft, gentle almost. It shocked the anger out of her. She pulled her arm back and he let her, stepping back and hooking his thumbs in his pockets. She looked at the ground.</p><p>“I can’t—” her voice caught in her throat. She swallowed hard. “I can’t let another kid die because they’re too naive. This is my job. This is what I do.”</p><p>He watched her in silence, eyes flickering over her face. His frown softened. “Alright. Let’s do what you have to do.”</p><p>A rush of air left her lungs, leaving her dizzy. When did his approval start mattering to her? Somehow he’d started mattering to her. A tentative friendship.</p><p>She gave him a hint of a smile. “Thanks.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>—</p><p><br/>
</p><p>V tried to talk Judy into going directly to the Moxes. Get them involved to help protect the dolls. Maybe take over Clouds and run it. Judy wouldn’t budge. V knew that it would have been wasted words anyway. The Moxes wouldn’t want a turf war with Tyger Claw. She just hoped Clouds could stand on its own and not be wiped out afterward.</p><p>V scrubbed the blood from her shoes, pissed that she’d let her anger out of control. She had flatlined the boss of Clouds- the frontman boss at least, with her mantis blades instead of her pistols because she was trying to be a little subtle. Except leaving a butchered corpse behind wasn’t subtle in the least.</p><p>She’d zeroed him in the parking garage. Just walked right up to him and drove her blades into his chest. It had been messy. Blood everywhere. Splattered her face and clothes and her eyes. She lost count of how many times she stabbed him. Judy had been behind her, silently watching, letting V deal out vengeance for Evelyn.</p><p>Johnny had been watching too, from somewhere in the back of her mind. His thoughts had come through crystal clear for a few moments. He hadn’t been sure what to make of her rampage. In their weeks together he’d never seen her go off the rails of sanity like that and it had made him question what he’d thought about her.</p><p>V took a sip of coffee from the to-go cup. The late-nite diner was empty except for the staff and a group of teens in the booth across the room sharing a plate of fries.  That spot at the base of her skull was burning. </p><p>V sighed, rubbing her forehead. </p><p>“If you think any harder, you’re going to hurt yourself,” she grumbled.</p><p>Johnny materialized in a booth across from her, kicking his feet up on the table. She wrinkled her nose at his dirty boots. Even though he wasn’t physically real and couldn’t get anything dirty, it was a gross habit. </p><p>Johnny took his aviators off. Twirled the arm between his fingers. “Didn’t think you had it in you.”</p><p>“Have what in me?”</p><p>“That kinda rage.”</p><p>She snorted, looking away into the dark street outside the window. “You don’t have a monopoly on anger issues.”</p><p>“Well yeah,” Johnny clasped his hands behind his head, leaning back in the booth, “But I never gutted someone like that.”</p><p>“No, you just blew up a tower and killed a couple hundred-thousand people,” she snapped. </p><p>She instantly regretted saying the words as his face pinched at their sting. There was a surge in the bond. The start of a feedback loop. The memory grabbed her like a lasso and ripped her under. It was different from the nightmare. His actual thoughts were clear now, speeding through her head like a street race.</p><p>
  <i>-Saburo Arasaka’s frail figure outlined against the still-bright cloud of the bomb that detonated too soon. Killing more people than Johnny ever intended. Millitech used him and used him good. He’d done the corpos dirty work for them, not even realizing it till he was strapped to a chair being interrogated by Arasaka. He’d known how much he’d fucked up when the technician slid that wreath around his head. Then he was being torn apart into zeros and ones by Soulkiller.-</i>
</p><p>V jerked hard as Johnny threw her out of his memory violently. Her coffee slipped out of her hand and dumped all over the table. Hot liquid splashed on her legs. </p><p>“Fuck!” She scrambled out of the booth and away from the coffee dripping into her vacated seat. “The fuck was that for, asshole?”</p><p>He glared at her. “Stop diggin’ in my head.”</p><p>V’s mouth opened and closed, wanting to say a thousand things but everything getting jumbled together so nothing was said. He was the asshole eating her brain alive. She didn’t have a choice what memories she saw when he was thinking them so loud.</p><p>She stormed out of the diner. Needed air. Needed to breathe something that wasn’t the smoke and cologne-tinted air that seemed to follow her around now. It scared her that she could smell it when he lit up. Her brain tricking itself to think it could smell his cigarettes and cologne.</p><p>The diner was close to the ocean channel and she headed there, sliding down a ladder, not bothering with the rungs. She white-knuckled the railing along the channel, taking deep breaths to bring her heartbeat back from its dancing session in her throat. She closed her eyes. Blew out her anger through her teeth. </p><p>They’d been getting along alright- her and Johnny. She got why he was moody. They’d been living together- trapped together- for weeks now. It was like living next to a loud neighbor with thin walls. They’d been catching more and more of the others' thoughts. Being pulled into the others' memories and reliving them more and more often. </p><p>It was scaring them both.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>—</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Later that night, an encrypted message pinged her holo. A single blinking notification, staring at her. She opened it.</p><p>Frm: PR4NK573R</p><p>//V, why are you off the hire board for NC mercs?//</p><p>//Hello?//</p><p>//V?//</p><p>//answer me//</p><p>//I’m worried about you//</p><p>She didn’t respond.</p><p><br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please let me know what you think!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Act One: Like A Supreme - Psycho</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  
  <br/>
  <i>//You keep calling me a psycho.<br/>Got it in my head, careful what you say.<br/>Think you might be right though.<br/>You made me a psycho, a psycho.<br/>You keep calling me a psycho.<br/>Thought that I was scared but I came prepared.<br/>Think you might be right though.<br/>You made me a psycho, a psycho//</i>
  <br/>
  <b>PSYCHO - AViVA (thisisaviva)</b>
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          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><b>Content warning: graphic violence, cannon character death</b><br/>Thank you to everyone who has been reading this story!<br/></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>V sat in her car outside the Afterlife, staring at the bars’ neon sign. Evelyn was dead and Goro was being a cagey corpo. She’d forgotten how much it sucked to do her own leg work. Apprehension filled her lungs like smoke, making her choke on the fumes. She didn’t want to do this. At all.</p><p>“We don’t really gotta choice now do we?” Johnny materialized in the passenger seat, feet up on the dashboard and cigarette in his mouth.</p><p>“There’s still the Voodoo Boys and Goro’s contact,” she grumbled. Flimsy argument. Her fists tightened around the steering wheel.</p><p>“The fuckin’ corpo is going to get us killed. Don’t like it one bit.”</p><p>“Neither do I. But we gotta follow every lead we can. ‘Sides,” she turns to look at him, “you’re finally getting what you wanted.”</p><p>He raised a brow. “And what’s that?” He asked, pretending to be oblivious.</p><p>She rolled her eyes, done with his shit to the moon and back. “You got what you wanted. To see Rogue again.”</p><p>“Just want her to help us,” he lied through his teeth.</p><p>She gave him an unimpressed look. “I feel it, Johnny. You don’t hide your emotions very well.”</p><p>He went quiet at that. She had gotten really good at shielding her emotions from him to the point that he couldn’t pick up on every single thing going through her. Johnny though? He was still a neon sign. Even when he tried to shut her out he slipped up. A lot. He’d never tried to hide his emotions in his life, wearing everything on his sleeves and daring the world to take a shot at him. Now that devil-may-care attitude was biting him in the ass.</p><p>“Still not gonna let me talk to her?” He was pretending to be relaxed but there was tension bristling under his skin.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“For fucks sake V.”</p><p>She glared at him and he snapped his mouth closed, cutting off anything comment he was about to make. “I still don’t trust you and that shit with Evelyn made me like you less. You’re not getting behind the wheel.”</p><p>He frowned, tapping his fingers thoughtfully. “What shit with that doll?”</p><p>V slammed her hands down on the wheel so hard it made Johnny flinch. “She had a name Johnny! Evelyn! That so hard to say?” </p><p>Johnny shifted so he was turned away from her, eyes firmly on the graffitied wall beside them. “That shit happens all the time in Night City. What’s one more doll?”</p><p>She snarled through her teeth. Jabbed a finger at him. “I know it affected you. You can’t hide it from me. I could fuckin’ feel it. Don’t act like it didn’t get to you, you asshole.”</p><p>He kept himself turned from her pretending like he didn’t give a shit but she could feel the heavy blanket of hopelessness that was settling over him. Images of Evelyn’s battered body flickered behind her eyes in the way that happened when it was slices of Johnny’s thoughts. </p><p>The hopelessness swallowed them, completely filling up the car like concrete.</p><p>  <i>-He was in Mexico. Two flesh hands— kid hands— gripped the assault rifle tightly, barely big enough to hold it properly. His dog tags clinked against his chest as he moved. The tension was ramping up, infecting all of the squad as they got closer to the village. They broke the tree line and her throat went dry. She could see the massacre from here.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>She marched forward with the rest of her squad and tried not to look at the battered bodies around her. Torn through with so many holes there was more air than flesh for some of them. Then her squad got to the cages. Nothing moved in them. Clothing for adults and children was piled up next to them, fleeced by their metal buttons. She didn’t want to look at the cages. She didn’t look. Couldn’t look. Too much this time. It was all too fuckin’ much. Why the hell was she here? She forced her eyes to the cages. Bile rose in her throat and—</i>
</p><p>V threw the car door open and vomited. She retched and gagged until only liquid came up. She panted, trying to calm her heart and pull herself out of Johnny. Untangle her emotions from his.</p><p>It took a long while to do both. When she finally looked at the passenger seat, Johnny was gone. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>—</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Emmerick, the Afterlife bouncer, her let pass without resistance. She honestly didn’t think she would get that far, thinking Rogue would have blocked her from the bar. The walk of shame to get to the booth was like walking through acid. Made worse by her brain still reeling from the most intense memory she had shared with Johnny since the relic started making them bleed into each other. Or the nightmare. They hadn’t talked about the recurring nightmares.</p><p>V kept her eyes straight ahead, seeing from the corner of her eye how the mercs of the city were sizing her up now that she was a pariah. Big players she knew by name were watching her with a knowing look, some with pity, others with grim understanding. A few solos she wasn’t on the best of terms with were looking on with smug faces and vulture eyes. Waiting for the Queen to toss her out so they could descend on the remains and pick the meat from her bones. </p><p>Rogue raised a brow when she saw V. “Fallen Knight of NC,” she greeted. The horrible butchering of her handle grated V’s skin in long curling peels. </p><p>V made a show of bowing, not like the Japanese as that would have been appropriate but fluttering her hands outward and a slight bend at her waist.</p><p>“Your majesty,” she mocked. </p><p>Johnny appeared, sitting on the top of the couch instead of the seat cushion like a normal person, and let out a long whistle. “I’m impressed. Didn’t think you'd be such a sarcastic bitch.”</p><p>“Haven’t seen a fraction of me yet, Johnny,” she threw back. He flipped her off.</p><p>Rogue raised an unimpressed eyebrow but didn’t retaliate which was slightly surprising. V had thought Rogue would jump at the chance to drag her. Kick her while she was down and bleeding out. Instead, Rogue waved their audience out of the booth and told the bouncer to keep everyone away. She gestured for V to sit and V did, seeing it for the olive branch it was.</p><p>“That what they’re calling me now?” V asked nonchalantly, taking the drink Rogue offered. Another olive branch to keep the peace.</p><p>“That’s the word on the street,” Rogue replied before she took a sip of her own dark-colored drink.</p><p>“They aren’t exactly wrong,” V admitted. Rogue’s eyes cut to her, reading the admission for what it was. Not a bow of the knee but an acknowledgment that V knew where she stood and how things worked now. Telling Rogue she wasn’t there for a fight.</p><p>Rogue hummed in agreement- on more levels than one- and settled back into the couch. “You wouldn’t have come here unless you didn’t have a choice. So what do you need?”</p><p>V breathed out a sigh before she downed the rest of her drink. She set it down on the table with a CLINK. “Need to get to a corpo named Hellman.”</p><p>As she explained the details Rogue’s eyebrows rose higher and higher till they could have floated off her head. After a long silence, she agreed to help. For an absurd amount of eddies of course. V’s accounts now thirty thousand eddies lighter, they waited for Rouge’s netrunner to get the information she needed. </p><p>Johnny had been watching Rogue like a hawk. Taking in all her changes and how the years had changed her. By the heat pooling in his core that V could feel her body mimicking, he liked what he saw. His arousal made it hard for V to concentrate. Her senses kept picking up his thoughts and translating them to her as if she was in the middle of it.</p><p>
  <i>-Organic fingertips tracing warm skin. Wet open mouth kisses placed on his neck. Biting and nipping at his sensitive skin.-</i>
</p><p>She scoffed. Of course he liked biting. Never anything sweet. If anyone touched him with real tenderness he would probably pass out from the sensation.</p><p>“Can you please stop mind-fucking her?” She finally snapped after one particularly dirty thought about how this new Rogue would taste on his tongue like fine wine. He was fucking poetic if nothing else.</p><p>His face turned to her and she could feel the heat of his eyes behind his aviators. “Why,” he asked, voice rough with want, “it bothering you?”</p><p>She picked up on the smugness that rolled out of him and she took a swig on her drink to stop her need to scoff. “You think I’m jealous over you? Holy shit are you narcissistic.”</p><p>“Am I wrong?”</p><p>“Yeah. I’m stuck feeling you fuck her in your brain you gonk,” she shifted in her seat, her core uncomfortably warm. “I’m feeling what you’re feeling.”</p><p>He stilled. “You telling me,” he asked slowly, “that you can feel what I’m thinking?”</p><p>It was the first time the bleed had gone that far. Only the nightmares had been like that before.</p><p>“It’s a bleed effect. I don’t need to know how pre-Night City Queen pussy tasted like.”</p><p>His smirk was filthy. “You sure?”</p><p>“God Johnny, you are such—“</p><p>The netrunner arrived and she was able to shove him to the back of her mind and focus on the thirty-thousand eddies intel she’d shelled out for. It was solid. Rogue was really was one of the best.</p><p>“Told you,” Johnny quipped, “Bet she could snap her fingers and your network would be back up and running in no time.”</p><p>“She’s not going to do that.” Her sigh was bone-deep. She was so tired of this conversation.</p><p>“You’re right. Not without talking to me she won't,” Johnny challenged.</p><p>“Drop it Johnny.”</p><p>“Fuck you, V.”</p><p>V called for another drink, one finger raised towards the bar. </p><p>“Ugh. Can you at least get something with tequila?” Johnny complained, wrinkling his nose. “Y’know I got my own drink here, right? Get us a Johnny Silverhand. Hell, maybe three!”</p><p>V pointedly ignored him as he continued to rant about her horrible taste in alcohol. Rogue explained her plan on how V would get the resources she needed to pull off the heist. A nomad named Panam. V gave Rogue a questioning look over the rim of her glass.</p><p>“She’ll work with you,” Rogue assured her, “Girls desperate to get her cargo back.”</p><p>V finished off her drink, working her throat like a piston. She licked her lips. </p><p>“What clan?” She was not working with Raffen. Not even on her deathbed. </p><p>“The Aldecados.”</p><p>Not the best thing in the world. That meant whoever this Panam was most likely knew Saul, the Aldecado leader. Even though she had been the go-between for his people and the fixers of NC when he’d first brought his clan back to California after they’d left years ago, Saul wouldn’t want her around. Red Brand would put his people in harm’s way and his family always came before anyone else. She wasn’t family. But if Panam didn’t know Saul directly then she could get away with it. She just had to stay out of their camp.</p><p>Johnny perked up. “The Aldecados? Shit, V. That might be a good thing.”</p><p>Her eyes flicked to him. “You know them?”</p><p>“I ran with Santiago for two years before heading out on my own.”</p><p>V focused back on Rogue when she realized she was still waiting on her answer. “I don’t like working with desperate people. They get stupid. Reckless.”</p><p>Rogue gave her a look. “Aren’t you desperate yourself? Practically useless without your network?” V forced herself to control the impulse to punch Rogue in the face. “Besides,” Rogue drawled and V didn’t like her tone one bit, “I’m sure the Fallen Knight of NC can handle a hotheaded nomad.”</p><p>V pressed her lips together in irritation. A bitter feeling sat in her stomach at the handle. It was a title she’d worked her ass off to build. V leaned back into the couch and gave Rogue a candy-sweet smile. </p><p>“I’m sure I can manage.”</p><p>Rogue smirked. “I’m sure you can. Good luck Fallen Knight.”</p><p>“Thanks,” V said then headed out. She didn’t want to stay in the Afterlife longer than absolutely necessary. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>__</p><p><br/>
</p><p>When she got to the stairs she felt that spot at the base of her skull heat up and Johnny glitched into view, leaning up against the stairwell with his arms crossed.</p><p>He jerked his chin to indicate something behind her. “Don’t look now but you got a tail.”</p><p>“Great.”</p><p>She kept walking, determined to make it out of the Afterlife before anything went down. Last thing she needed was Emmerick banning her for brawling.</p><p>“What's the gonk look like?” she asked Johnny.</p><p>He glitched beside her, walking backward to keep an eye on whoever was tailing them. “Some guy with a lot of neck chrome. Long black trench coat. Purple hair. Eye implants that look like a braindance visor.”</p><p>V swore. Johnny glanced at her and a slight tremor of concern echoed through the bond on both their ends.</p><p>“Trouble?” He asked with a raised brow.</p><p>V grunted. “If it’s the guy I’m thinking of, yeah. Gonna probably try and zero me.”</p><p>“The fuck you do to him?”</p><p>“Was better than him.”</p><p>Johnny snorted. “He a Wannabe merc?”</p><p>V grimaced. “Second top dog in NC.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>They had almost gotten to the main street where she had parked her car when it happened.</p><p>“Velexis. Velexis. Velexis,” the guy taunted. </p><p>V stopped walking. She didn’t turn around. She closed her eyes against the dread welling in the pit of her stomach at the sound of his voice. She gritted her teeth, fists clenching tight. Johnny stood next to her, side-by-side, looking ready for a fight. Like he could throw a punch in the brawl that was about to go down. It made her a little happy to know he was at least inclined to instinctively have her back.</p><p>“C’mon,” Rhino whined in a mocking tone, “don’t be like that to your old choom.”</p><p>She glared at him over her shoulder. He grinned back, all sharp teeth and gums. He raised his arms in sarcastic surrender.</p><p>“Fine, fine. Just wanna chat V,” he said.</p><p>V snorted but she turned around. Didn’t want to have her back to him now that he was gearing up for a fight. She knew him well enough to know that’s what he was wanting. Rhino didn’t do small talk. She crossed her arms, mirroring Johnny’s stance.</p><p>“Then let’s chat,” she challenged.</p><p>Rhino took a few steps forward and V held her ground. He stopped close enough to lunge at her. She sent a priming signal to her mantis blades. Quicker than her twin pistols. Johnny shifted his weight forward like he was reading to lunge at Rhino himself.</p><p>“Don’t like this V. Guys fuckin’ huge.”</p><p>“Just stay out of the way Johnny,” she told him. “You can't hit anything anyway.”</p><p>“Fuckin’ fuck,” Johnny spat but he didn’t move from standing beside her like they were a tag-team. Or partners.</p><p>“Heard you’re down on your luck,” Rhino said. V tried to glare a hole right between his eyes. </p><p>“Heard wrong. Maybe find new informants,” she said.</p><p>Rhino laughed. It was a cruel barking noise. He took a step forward and V flicked out her mantis blades, adrenaline spiking.</p><p>“Hey! No brawling here!”</p><p>Rhino and V turned to see Emmerick standing at the top of the steps of Afterlife. His hand was on his pistol. Rhino snarled but back up, holding his hands up. V held her hands up, feeling relief flood her as she was able to put distance between them. Her blades slipped back beneath their casing.</p><p>“Get the fuck outta here,” Emmerick told Rhino and the merc growled.</p><p>“I’m leaving. I’m leaving,” he shouted back then he was storming out of the parking lot and towards the main road.</p><p>“Better watch your back Fallen Knight,” he warned as he passed her. She didn’t turn around.</p><p>“Better get outta here too, Knight.” Emmerick said. “Don’t need the trouble.”</p><p>She waved at him and he disappeared back into the stairwell. </p><p>“Fuck V,” Johnny grunted. He peered into her eyes with a worried frown. “Why does it feel like you’re on the edge of cardiac? Gonna flatline if you don't calm down.”</p><p>V shoved her hands in her pockets, searching for Evelyn's cig-case with trembling fingers. She’d started carrying them around to honor the woman with a dream of a better life than as a doll in Night City. She moved toward her car, fumbling with the handle before getting a solid grip on it and then slipping inside. She lit up the cigarette the second she could pull out her lighter. Johnny appeared in the passenger seat, watching her closely as she took a long drag like it was oxygen. The high hit her and rushed through her veins, dulling the panic for a few precious seconds.</p><p>She showed him the memory, too worked up to talk about it. Johnny’s eyes went unfocused as it played out.</p><p>
  <i>-She was a young twenty-something merc. It was Rhino, her, and Raul on a gig, taking out an entire warehouse of gangers, stealing some cargo. Rhino knocked Raul out to take the score for himself. Tried to knock her out too. But she knew how to dance around a ring. Went toe-to-toe with the best boxer in Night City. She mirrored Vik, dodging as Rhino swung. Weaved right and danced back. Getting him away from her unconscious partner. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Then he cracked her hard upside the head with his gun. The metal bit into her skin. She went down hard. He crawled on top of her and hammered her into the ground. His hand covering her entire face as he beat her brains out against the concrete. His knee twisting and pressing until her leg snapped at the knee. Him snarling all kinds of slurs as he slowly killed her. She blacked out. When she woke up, Raul dragged her half-dead body to Vik’s. The second time she’d turned up in his chair a bloody, broken mess two shakes from the reaper. Took Vik longer to patch her up this time.-</i>
</p><p>V took another long drag willing her screaming nerves to calm down. Johnny sat in silence sucking in his zeros and ones like the smoke was real. Gathering his thoughts. He tossed the half-finished cigarette out the window.</p><p>“See why you got so jumpy.” He glanced over at her, eyes flickering over her face hummingbird quick. “You seem okay now though.”</p><p>She held up the smoke. “Just cause of this. Usually, I just ride them out by doing some breathing exercises.”</p><p>“Why not this time?”</p><p>She shrugged but they both knew the real answer. He was bleeding into her. “Maybe you’re rubbing off on me.”</p><p>“Good,” Johnny chuckled. “Means I get to smoke more now.”</p><p>She gave a tiny smile. “Ass.”</p><p>“Bitch,” he said but his tone almost sounded fond.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>__</p><p><br/>
</p><p>That night Vik asked her to go to visit Vincent’s grave with him. They arrived in silence and she stood by quietly as Vik placed a single bullet shell inside the little nook she had purchased for him. Vincent didn’t have any family that they could call and she felt it was her responsibility to make sure he was remembered. Someone should.</p><p>Johnny glitched into the hallway, browsing through the nooks, reading names of the deceased like book spines in an old library. He was quiet. Keeping himself occupied while she talked to Vik in the somber silence of the memorial. They were there for him mainly. He was feeling the young man’s absence keenly. He had lost two friends in one fell swoop and was left lesser for it. </p><p>He told her funny stories of Vincent. How he had been climbing his way up the fighting pools around the city, one match at a time.</p><p>“He even fought a guy who had been twins. Believe that?” He shook his head. “Crazy stuff these people get up to nowadays.”</p><p>“Twins?” V asked.</p><p>Vik shrugged. Tapped his temple. “Guess they combined their brains somehow. Made it so they were one person with two bodies.”</p><p>V grimaced. “Sounds awful.”</p><p>He chuckled, crossing his arms with a grin. “You’re telling me.”</p><p>While they were there she visited Evelyn’s nook. A little one way in the back that Judy picked out. When she had texted V the location she told her that Evelyn always wanted a little place to call her own that was quiet and away from the bustle of the city. V thought it was bitter-sweet that in death she had finally gotten what she wanted.</p><p>Vik left her alone, heading outside to give her privacy. Except Johnny was listening. Her constant black dog trotting next to her.</p><p>The sad gray drawer opened up and V placed the last cigarette from Evelyn’s pretty little smoke case into the metal drawer.</p><p>“Sorry,” she told Evelyn’s ghost. “I hope you don’t mind if I keep the case.” She rubbed her thumb over the raised pink heart on the cover, feeling the metal warm under her skin. “To remind me what I’m fighting for. The people like you who wanted something better from NC and died trying to make it happen. This is the last cig that you had in it. I…I smoked the others.”</p><p>She let out a watery laugh. “I didn’t even smoke before you, yet I went through half a pack since. Fuck.”</p><p>She leaned her back against the plain wall of same-looking nooks for people’s loved ones and sank down to the floor and started to lightly tap her head against the wall. She fiddled with the bullet necklace Misty had given her. The one she kept around her neck like a noose. Reminding her that she was on borrowed time. On Johnny’s borrowed time.</p><p>V’s fingers twitched, searching for a cigarette that she didn’t have. When Evelyn had killed herself Johnny had asked for a smoke. First time he’d actually asked her to light up for him since that first night in her head. He’d been content with his digital memories of what it had felt like to drag the smoke into his lungs. A nasty habit to dull the pain for a moment. Like she had done after seeing Rhino. Bad coping skills. </p><p>V had brushed him off at first just to be petty but then she caught a memory; hazy and tinted heavily with more emotion than his recollection of events but she got the gist of it. When she lit up without another word he’d perked up, his rush of excitement had made her smile. </p><p>Now the need for a smoke was slowly becoming a regular itch. Every few hours her hands would ache to pull one from Evelyn’s cigarette case and light up. Ride the nicotine high. Whenever she did, Johnny would appear every time, right after the tip caught red tossing his head back and letting out this relieved sigh.</p><p>“How’d you get it?”Johnny’s soft voice, softest she’d ever heard from him, pulled her out of her spiraling thoughts.</p><p>“Get what?”</p><p>“Your handle. ‘Knight of NC.’ Pretty lofty for a merc.”</p><p>She hummed, thinking back to the gig that got earned her a top spot in the city’s mercenary world. “By accident. Raul and I took a gig from a fixer that should have been a simple job. Turned out to be a death-ring gang that went around getting people and throwing them into a fighting pit. Making them fight each other or robot dogs.”</p><p>Johnny swore.</p><p>“Yeah,” V whispered. “Pretty fuckin’ terrible shit to walk into. We took out the entire gang, freed the people. Made sure no one else could get hurt by them.</p><p>So,” Johnny wondered, “you’re a Knight. Did Raul get anything out of it?”</p><p>She chuckled. “He’s the Night City Rook.”</p><p>Johnny raised a brow. “Aren’t rooks worth more than a knight?”</p><p>That got a startled laugh from her. “You play chess?”</p><p>He shrugged. “Learned it when I road with the nomads.”</p><p>“Wow...I can’t see you as a nomad.”</p><p>“Hiding in a Nomad camp was the safest place for deserters.”</p><p>Right, because he had deserted the Mexican Conflict and then turned around and wrote a whole album of the atrocities done during his time of service. Landed him on the map and made him the first rockerboy. Changed how people viewed deserters and it made veterans hero’s for refusing to fight for the corpos.</p><p>“Didn’t answer my question, V. Why’s he the Rook and you’re the Knight? From what I gathered, your the bigger deal out of the two of you.” </p><p>She shrugged. “Most people don’t play chess. Knight sounds more impressive, I guess. And I just stayed a merc longer. Raul stopped climbing the ladder when he met Akiko. She didn’t like him risking his neck all the time.”</p><p>“And you like being a merc?”</p><p>She sighed and looked up at the dark ceiling. “It’s what I’ve been good at. Fighting a war for the people. For everything beautiful in the world. Or how it used to be.”</p><p>She thumbed the heart on Evelyn’s case. She felt Johnny’s emotions go weird but she couldn’t make sense of what he was feeling so she let it roll over her. Johnny glitched out without another word leaving V alone in her heavy, unfocused grief. </p><p>Her holo pinged. She checked the message and her heart dropped into her stomach.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Frm: Bebop</p><p>//V, bloody hell what’s going on? I went to send you a gig and you’re off every board on the net.//</p><p>//heard through the grapevine you might be in trouble//</p><p>//contact me, twat//</p><p>//V?//</p><p>//please love//</p><p>//I’m worried//</p><p><br/>
</p><p>She deleted the message.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>__</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Vik brought her to Mama Wells to visit Jackie’s memorial in her bar. It was beautiful. There were flowers all over it and candles burning. People had left memento on the yellow table lot. She wished she could have done the same for Vincent but she knew he didn’t have anyone to come to see him. Only her and Vik, Misty and maybe Mama Wells. </p><p>His little nook would have to do.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>__</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Good news was Panam was currently skirting the fringes of nomad society and so wasn’t on the best of terms with her clan. Slightly less good news was that Rogue wasn’t kidding about Panam being a hothead. Panam was a firecracker of a girl who was young enough to be afforded recklessness. Though she had anger issues and the need to prove herself to people was tattooed on her skin. </p><p>After V helped her get her cargo back, she wanted to hit her ex-partner, the one that had fucked her over; The one Rogue had set her up with and conveniently forgot to mention that he was from a rival nomad clan- the Raffen. It was Rogue’s fault Panam’s cargo had gotten nabbed. She had trusted Rogue to be a good fixer and had gotten burned for it. V agreed to help her get revenge on Nash. It felt right. </p><p>At the end of the fight, the hidey-hole littered with Raffen bodies and the smell of gun-smoke was thick in the air. V holstered her twin pistols and made her way over to where Panam was on the holo with Rogue, telling her that she might be willing to finish the gig if Rogue asked nicely. V felt sympathy for the girl. She was naive to think Rogue hadn’t taken her cut upfront. Rogue set the standard with how fixers did business and they always got paid before the mercs did.</p><p>“Help me?” Rogue’s voice was amused. “I took my cut upfront, honey. But, I guess I’m touched. Was actually wondering if you wouldn’t forget about biz while you were out there chasing down a vendetta.”</p><p>Panam swore, hanging up the holo.</p><p>V holstered her pistol. “C’mon. Let’s get going.”</p><p>“Yeah. No reason to stick around here,” Panam grumbled, following V back to the car.</p><p>Johnny glitched into view, leaning up against a stack of rusted iron beams. “One bitter cold bitch that Rogue. Think she might have lost the plot.”</p><p>“Told you she changed,” she reminded him.</p><p>Johnny nodded his head slowly. “Startin’ to see that. Didn’t think she’d become someone like that. She’s no stranger to the other side of the stick. Think she might need a nice, strong shock.”</p><p>“Well, I’m not the one who’s gonna give it to her.” She climbed into Panam’s car leaving Johnny to glitch away as they drove out of the cave.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>—</p><p><br/>
</p><p>They delivered the goods and headed up into a bar that was in the seedy little motel they’d done the exchange at. As she was climbing the stairs, a text from Rogue came in.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Frm: Rogue</p><p>//Nash is dead- congrats. Wonder what you were hoping to get out of that.//</p><p><br/>
</p><p>To: Rogue</p><p>//Maybe I felt sorry for her. She told me you forgot to mention he was Raffen. Forgot something important like that with me a long time ago. Felt I should do right by her. Someone needed to.//</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Rogue didn’t respond to her text.</p><p>—</p><p>"I hate this plan." V crossed her arms and leaned against Panam’s beast of a car. </p><p>Panam made an irritated noise. “You got a better idea?’</p><p>V shifted, fingers thoughtlessly fishing out a smoke and lighting up. The plan was gonked and relied on precise timing to set off an EMP blast that would short circuit the AV Hellman was traveling in and cause it to crash. V blew out smoke, internally grimacing at Panama’s disgusted expression at the smoke wafted her way. </p><p>“Hun, anything that requires all the dominoes to fall at the right time usually goes tits up.”</p><p>“It’ll be fine,” Panam reassured her.</p><p>V shared an unimpressed look with Johnny who was sitting on the hood of Panama’s car. Johnny wasn’t happy with the plan either.</p><p>“You really the Knight of NC?” Panam asked.</p><p>V curled her lips in annoyance. “Yes. Why? Don’t look like it?”</p><p>Panam shrugged. “Just don’t see why a legend would need to do legwork like this. Could just have a fixer put together a crew.”</p><p>“She’s got a point,” Johnny said to annoy her.</p><p>“Drop it, Johnny.”</p><p>He rolled his eyes. “That all you know how to say? Sound like a fuckin’ broken record.”</p><p>Ignoring him, V side-eyed Panam. “Maybe I just wanted to stretch my legs.”</p><p>Panam scoffed. “Sure. If you say so.”</p><p>“I say so.” V’s tone was final. </p><p><br/>
</p><p>—</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Finally, finally, after the shit show getting to Hellman had been, she had him unconscious and on the back of her newly acquired bike. Paid for by the blood of Panam’s friend Scorpion. He and a few other Aldecaldos hadn’t known it was a military AV that had been shot out of the sky and they had tried to offer aid to it. Panam’s friends had gotten killed because V was trying to save her own skin.</p><p>She’d carry that weight like she’d carried all the others. </p><p>As it turned out, Panam knew Saul personally and he had come with Mitch’s group that had been coming to get revenge for their dead people. His eyes had gone wide when he saw her and then got a hard glint in them. V gave him a small nod. Just the tilt of her chin. He had a few choice words for Panam, scolding her for her recklessness, and then looked directly at V. He jerked his head to indicate her to follow him. She did. </p><p>He took them a few feet away from the gathered band of Aldecaldos, enough that people knew their conversation was to be private.</p><p>“Don’t know what kind of shit you got yourself into, V,” he said in a low voice, “but stay away from the clan until you get it cleared up.”</p><p>V crossed her arms. “Didn’t have a choice Saul. I’m backed into a corner. And I’m not asking for your help. I worked with Panam who, as far as I can tell, left the clan. So I’m not working with the Aldecaldos. I’m with a lone nomad.”</p><p>He gave her a hard look. “Semantics, V, and you know it.”</p><p>“It’s the best I got Saul. Gotta run on the edge if I’m going to fix this.”</p><p>He ran his hands through his long dark hair and blew out a breath. “Fine. Fine. Just…ugh.” He glanced over to Panam who was talking to Mitch. “Just try and keep her out of it from now on.”</p><p>She shrugged. “Sure. I got no more business out here anyways.” She turned to walk away, assuming they were done talking, but Saul put a hand on her shoulder stopping her.</p><p>“V?”</p><p>She turned back around to fully face him. His eyes softened with a small private smile he gave her. One full of fondness. Like he looked at her the couple times they’d hooked up when he first got the NC. </p><p>“Be careful V.” He squeezed her shoulder. “And good luck.”</p><p>She smiled softly at him. “Thanks.”</p><p>When she got back over to the bike where Hellman was, Panam and Mitch were looking at her curiously.</p><p>“You know Saul?” Mitch asked.</p><p>V pulled out a cigarette and lit it, talking around the stick. “Yeah.”</p><p>“And you didn’t think this was important to mention because…?” Panam accused, crossing her arms. She looked genuinely hurt. V didn’t like that look on her.</p><p>“Wasn’t important, not really.” She shrugged. “And most of my reasons are tied to this guy.” She kicked Hellman’s shoe. “Didn’t mean to mislead you Panam. Promise.”</p><p>Panam stared at her long and hard, Mitch looking between the two of them curiously and V puffing out smoke like a dragon. Panam huffed.</p><p>“Fine. I’ll choose to believe you. You proved your word means something.”</p><p>“‘Preciate it,” V said and she was genuinely happy about it. She liked Panam. Liked Mitch. Liked the Aldecaldos in general and wanted to be able to go around them again after she got the stuff with the relic figured out.</p><p>Someone sounded a warning and the Aldecaldos started to bug out, jumping on their motorbikes and in their cars and peeling away. Panam headed for her car.</p><p>“I’m heading out too. Good luck V,”  Panam said, climbing into her monster of a truck. “Hope you get whatever you need out of that guy.”</p><p>“Me too,” V muttered to herself and Johnny, then louder- “Good working with you Panam. Call if you need anything.”</p><p>Panam laughed brightly. “Will do.”</p><p><br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Act One: Like A Supreme - Like A Supreme</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  
  <br/>
  <i>//So-so savage the new machine<br/>Geared to hunt down your privacy.<br/>So-so savage the new machine.<br/>Kill it all for a like supreme.<br/>Huntdown your dignity. -<br/>Huntdown like supreme.-<br/>Huntdown self-esteem.-<br/>Huntdown, hunt it down now.//</i>
  <br/>
  <b>A Like Supreme - Samurai </b>
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          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><b>CONTENT WARNING: vomit, blood, violence, drinking </b><br/>Hello all! Thank you for sticking with me on this! I'm struggling a bit to finish up the last act but I'm determined to see this through. I've never written anything this large before and I'm kind of worried I won't do it justice. But that's how it goes being a writer huh? Just gotta take the leap. Enjoy!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>V laid in her bed staring up at the ceiling. All that work and effort and they got nothing out of it except for the confirmation that her death was imminent and Johnny would eventually take over her body. Hellman had gotten to her. Shook her up bad to the point she was seeing all the ways she could flatline instead of how she could solve the problem. She hadn’t realized how much hope she’d pinned on the corpo till it was dashed at her feet like a shattered vase.</p><p>She didn’t know how long she’d been laying on her bed, Johnny softly playing on his guitar on the couch in the background, but she had ordered take out an hour ago and was waiting on the delivery person to show up. She hadn’t showered in three days. Not since the first one to wash off the desert dust and mud after she’d gotten to Hellman.</p><p>“You fuckin’ reek,” Johnny complained.</p><p>V flicked him off. “Fuck off johnny.”</p><p>He glitched next to her bed, leaning over her to frown down at her. “Only if you take a shower. Can’t stand this. You smell like a fish market.”</p><p>“Don’t insult fish markets,” she quipped and that got a chuckle from him.</p><p>They had formed a spider-silk delicate friendship. When the EMF bomb had gone off and the relic had been affected, cutting Johnny off from her- causing him pain- and he’d gone silent for minutes she’d been genuinely scared for him. Worried he was dead. That was the moment she realized she had actually come to care about him. Not just tentatively like she thought. She really cared and didn’t want him to get hurt. Or die. </p><p>Johnny glitched to the top of the bedroom stairs and jabbed his thumb over his shoulder. “Grubs here.”</p><p>Her intercom buzzed, signaling someone at her door.</p><p>“How the did you hear that? Why couldn’t I hear her before you did?” V asked as she crawled off the bed and went to retrieve the food. </p><p>Johnny shrugged, glitching to lean against the wall next to the front door as she opened it. “Think I’m tapping into the full scope of your implants.” </p><p>V took the four bags of food and tipped the girl fifty percent. The girl's eyes went wide and she stammered out a thank you. The girl turned back towards the elevator and V closed the door behind her with her foot. </p><p>Johnny glitched to the kitchen table sitting in the chair that was pulled out for him as it had been for weeks now. “If you didn’t have the implants I probably couldn’t see or hear shit.”</p><p>“Can you see through walls?” V pulled out the individual sliced pizza boxes and stacked them on the table. She’d gotten way too much food.</p><p>“To an extent, yeah.” Johnny eyed the pepperoni boxes and the memory of greasy pizza and tequila and Ker’s voice laughing along with him slid over her. “Think it operates like your scanner but it’s crisper. Cleaner.”</p><p>“And food? Never told me if you can taste what I eat.”</p><p>Johnny balanced his chair on two legs looking at the ceiling. Her brain made him look so real sometimes. It was hard to remember it was inducing vivid hallucinations and she wasn’t seeing him interact with real furniture.</p><p>“It’s delayed. Takes forever for me to know that you burned the roof of your mouth. Or the taste of your drink,” he said.</p><p>She grinned. “You’re lucky I have top of the line implants then. Your scope of the world would be a lot smaller with anything else.”</p><p>Johnny wrinkled his nose at that thought. “How much smaller?”</p><p>V took a bite of her pepperoni pizza, chewing while calculating the difference. “These ramp up to almost 3 miles in 5k HD. Gets fuzzy after that. The zoom is crazy though.”</p><p>“So basically the same as ‘ganic eyes.”</p><p>V scoffed. “Organic eyes only see clearly for a mile. I can see the full range of organic eyes and in HD. Your world would be scaled back to fifty feet and no seeing through walls.”</p><p>“Huh. Glad you got that top of the line chrome then.”</p><p>His appreciation for something she had done out of necessity for her job shouldn’t have made her feel as pleased with herself as she was but it was like someone complimenting her clothing. She’d spent good hard earned eddies on her chrome and was damn proud of it. </p><p>“How “bout we go out later?” Johnny suggested, going for casual but she could feel his eagerness through the bond.</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>“Really?” Johnny perked up, hands drumming on the table excitedly.</p><p>“Yeah. Have a bar you want to go to? Besides the Afterlife— no Johnny not going there pick a different one.”</p><p>“Damn fine. Doubt anything I know of is still open,” he whined, sinking down in his chair in a full on sulk. </p><p>“Want me to choose?” She asked.</p><p>Johnny was silent for a bit, pouting about how he couldn’t think of a place to go for a night out. He shrugged moodily. “Sure. Where the fuck you wanna go?”</p><p>She almost laughed at him. He was a pretty dynamic person under the angry rockerboy persona. He had also started feeling an odd friendship towards her. It bled through their bond at times and he was popping up more often just to chat about nothing in particular. Just to hang out together. Made her warm and fuzzy inside to know he’d started returning that tentative friendship.</p><p>She thought about their choices in venues. “So, you want a dance club or bar?”</p><p>Johnny’s mouth turned up at the corners. “Club.”</p><p>V grinned. “Then I know just where to go.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>—</p><p><br/>
</p><p>V downed her second drink of the night, closing her eyes as the burn of the rum slid down her throat. Johnny was beside her, leaning back on the bar propped up by his elbows, watching the writhing dancers on the floor.</p><p>“Not bad V,” he praised, head tilting to indicate the club. “Not my usual kind of place but I don’t mind it here.”</p><p>“You wouldn’t have been able to afford the cover-fee back then,” she laughed, holding a finger up to signal for another drink.</p><p>Johnny snorted. “Not wrong about that. This place is higher class than I ever stepped foot in alive.”</p><p>The bartender slid over her glass and she picked it up and turned to lean back against the bar, mirroring Johnny. They sat in companionable silence, enjoying the thrum of the bass and pulse of the music.</p><p>“Never was one for clubs,” Johnny mused. </p><p>V raised her brow at him. “I’ve seen some of your memories, Johnny. You loved the clubs.”</p><p>Johnny shook his head. “Nah. Clubs were Ker’s thing. I tagged along. Enjoyed the lap dances at the strip clubs. Never got what was so great about dancing with random people.”</p><p>She blinked at him, seeing a different side of him. She prodded at his mind, asking permission without words and Johnny knew what she wanted. Suddenly her mind was pulled into his like diving into a pool and she was in a memory, seeing through his eyes. </p><p>
  <i>-Him at a dingy club in some booth watching Kerry grind on some people on the fringe of the dance floor. Kerry waved him over and Johnny went, sliding up alongside him letting one of the girls backed up into him, grinding her ass into his dick. Someone wrapped their arms around his waist and started grinding into his ass. Kerry laughed, enjoying his own pile of writhing groupies. It was good. Fun even. For a little bit. Then Johnny lost interest. He untangled himself and went straight to the bar, knocking back shots of the rest of the time until Kerry decided it was time to go.-</i>
</p><p>The memory faded and V blinked her brain clear. She looked at Johnny incredulously. “You don’t like dancing because you can’t get your dick wet?”</p><p>He huffed, crossing his arms, tapping his foot in irritation. Or embarrassment because he would definitely be able to feel V’s judging him.</p><p>“Just don’t see the point ‘s all,” he pouted.</p><p>V snorted in amusement. She watched the dancers for a few more moments, then knocked back her drink, making up her mind and pushed off the bar and headed towards the dance floor.</p><p>“I’m gonna show you what's fun about dancing,” she promised.</p><p>“Oh yeah?”</p><p>“Yup. I know the feeling is delayed but it’ll catch up to you eventually.”</p><p>“Booze seems to speed it up.”</p><p>“Good thing those three tequila shots are about to hit me then.” She had turned her synth-liver as low as it could go without dying.</p><p>V weaved her way onto the dance floor, looking for a prime spot close enough to the music and in a group of people who didn’t seem to care who they danced with. She let her eyes fall shut as the music boomed through her body and raised her arms up to start twisting and rolling with the rhythm. Soon enough she caught the eye of some girl with pigtails and V flashed her an inviting smirk. The girl grinned and danced her way over to V. She let the girl wrap her arms around her neck and pull her close so that they were touching.</p><p>“Pick this one out just for me?” Johnny glitched right next to her, eyeing the girl up and down, appraising her like a car. “Don’t usually go for pigtails but she’s pulling them off.”</p><p>V chuckled and stumbled a bit as the tequila hit her full force. The girl giggled and held her up, rolling them together on the floor, and V grinned happy to let the girl lead for a few songs. Johnny glitched away but she could feel him watching through her eyes. When someone slid up behind her V decided to take the lead, steering both her partners into a coiling rhythm. The song playing was downright raunchy, all innuendo and bass. Perfect for letting go and having a little fun.</p><p>“Still don't see the appeal,” Johnny said glitching into the corner of her vision.</p><p>“You drunk yet? Gotta be nice and relaxed, Johnny.”</p><p>“Don’t think it’s hitting me the same as it is with you.”</p><p>That was disappointing. He had to be in the moment if she wanted to show him what the whole point was of dancing with random people and cutting loose in a way he hadn’t before. It should probably concern her a little that she wanted to show him a good time as badly as she did. She couldn’t blame it on the bleed either. He was the one that was reluctant about the whole thing. </p><p>“Ohhhhh, there’s the tequila,”Johnny moaned.</p><p>He swayed in place, eyes glossing over as he was swept under the alcohol wave. When his eyes fluttered back open V could tell he was starting to get the idea of the fun she was trying to show him. He glitched next to her shoulder, standing close so he could look down the shirt of the girl who was swiveling in V’s arms like a pole dancer.</p><p>That gave V an idea. She glanced around and saw what she was looking for. A pole, open to whoever wanted to dance on it.</p><p>“Thanks hun,” she whispered into the girls ear and the girl giggled, going beet read. She extracted herself from her dance partners gently, laughing at the little pout the girl gave her.</p><p>“Where’re you going? It was just getting good,” Johnny whined. An actual whine.</p><p>“You ever swing on a pole Johnny?”</p><p>His eyes followed hers and saw the pole up on a little stage lit up by flashing colored lights. “Can’t say I have.”</p><p>She grinned at him. “Then you’re in for a treat.”</p><p>V danced her way through the sweaty bodies, pulling her jacket off her, tying it around her waist and pulling herself up onto the pole. She wrapped her leg around the pole and spun. A group near the stage saw her and started going wild, calling and whistling. She could feel the dozens of eyes on her. She grinned and twisted herself around to grip the pole behind her and she slid down, holding herself up with her spread legs, going far to the floor that her hair brushed the ground and snapped back up to swing around the pole in a single smooth movement.</p><p>“Fuck V,” Johnny breathed in her mind.</p><p>“Having fun yet Silverhand?” She teased.</p><p>Hands were touching her from the group that was going nuts over her performance, and V let them drag their palms down her stomach and her legs.</p><p>Johnny was enjoying himself. It flitted through their bond more prominent now because her tequila-soaked-brain made their walls thin. Johnny had glitched away and was watching the world through her eyes again taking in the almost-instant physical sensations her body was relaying to him. The hands dragging down her body as she put on a show, the whoops and screams of delight as she paraded her skin for them. It was like one of his shows. Almost like he was alive again. V let her and him blend into each other, feelings and sensations overlapping in a weird pseudo-braindance.  </p><p>Then someone was up on the stage with her. The girl with the pigtails wrapped her arms around V’s waist and pulled them together and V allowed it. She felt Johnny’s mind start working overtime, the spot at the base of her skull tingling hot. Snippets of his thoughts danced through her mind. Memories of girls he’d fucked. Places he’d fucked them in. How he fucked them.</p><p>She blinked them away and untangled her mind from his. She’d been getting better at doing that. Being able to separate them when they bled into each other too far. But it was happening more frequently. </p><p>His thoughts of sex that would flash through her brain at a moments notice. Usually someone caught his eye and he was appreciating the view. Sometimes it was something that triggered an old memory and he would replay it, remembering the brief distraction from his anger and growing sense of helplessness. He used the memories like that now. As a distraction. </p><p>V did the same thing with certain memories and knew they would bleed over to him sometimes. It had become part of sharing a brain and body with someone else. Neither called the other out when the bleed happened. An unspoken rule. A boundary drawn in sand. A pretend sense of privacy.</p><p>When the song changed V hopped off the stage, the girl stayed behind to keep twirling and dancing with a guy that took V’s place.</p><p>“Damn V,” Johnny glitched in to walk next to her as she headed for the exit. “Think I see what you mean.”</p><p>She grinned at him. “Thought a rockerboy like you would have liked dancing. Kinda nice I got to show you something new.”</p><p>Johnny scoffed but he had a little pep-in-his-step and his good mood was still echoing in the bond. They made it outside, having to take the alley to get to her car. She picked up on a few homeless huddling around but nothing dangerous. Then someone stepped out in front of her, blocking her exit at the end of the alleyway. V felt the blood drain from her face.</p><p>Rhino. He stood there in front and it looked like there were others with him. Someone came up behind her, blocking her retreat. She recognized a few of the others as lower-level mercs she’d seen around the Afterlife, riding the coattails of their partners. They had a symbol on their jackets.</p><p>A gang emblem she didn’t know. Looked like a skull with an L and an X through it. </p><p>“Don’t like this V,” Johnny muttered, “We need to delta.”</p><p>“Hey there Velexis,” Rhino smirked. “Looks like my informants were pretty good after all. Fallen Knight alone and drunk.”</p><p>“Nice chrome choom,” one of the mercs jeered, “gonna look good implanted in my skin.”</p><p>V was too drunk. She dialed up the filter on her synth-liver but it wouldn’t do much. Not quick enough to pump the alcohol from her body to make a difference. Her hands wouldn’t be fast enough to pull her mantis blades. Even slower to pull her pistols. Her eyes darted to the fire-escape. It was close enough she could get up there in a few steps. She tensed to sprint towards her freedom when one of the mercs jolted forward, too quick with his cybernetic legs.</p><p>“Watch out!” Johnny yelled and V jerked back just as mantis blades stabbed the air where she had been standing and she stumbled drunkenly into the wall as mercs surrounded her.</p><p>“Gotta delta V,” Johnny glitched next to her, hopping like he could make her run with him. “Get us out of here!”</p><p>V managed to be coordinated for the split second it took to vault over a merc but she stumbled bad when she hit the ground. Falling forward. She screamed when someone grabbed her by the arm and dragged her down. She twisted as she fell, landing on her back. </p><p>Rhino laughed in her face, his spit landing in her mouth. V tried to kangaroo-kick him but he didn’t budge. He was a tank and his full weight was on her. The kicks barely did anything and he grabbed V by the head, entire hand engulfing her face, and slammed her head into the ground. Her world rattled, brain shaking up like a smoothie.</p><p>“V! V, kick him now!” Johnny yelled but she couldn’t get her brain to work right. Nothing was responding. She was going to get zeroed in a fucking piss-stained alley. </p><p>Her legs kicked out, bunny kicking the ganger in rapid hits until he let her go just enough for her body to roll out from underneath. Her legs started pumping, carrying them away from Rhino. V wasn’t piloting her limbs- Johnny was. Her brain’s connection was too loose to send proper signals so Johnny had taken control without resistance. Huh. So all it took as a little more brain damage for him to unseat her. Great.</p><p>“Can’t hold this for long V.” Johnny’s voice was strained but clear in her head. He ducked them into an alley hidden by a dumpster, getting them behind a vending machine.  “No! Fuck!” </p><p>Her body went limp as Johnny lost control and she didn’t have any hold over herself. She crashed into the pavement, cracking her head against the ground. More brain damage. She laid for a minute trying to will her legs to work. Her brain was still smoothie paste. Grey-matter flavor. She rolled over and the world spun like a tilt-a-whirl. She heaved her guts, bile and tequila and blood, and gagged as her body rebelled against the adrenaline. </p><p>“Ugh. Fuck.”</p><p>Johnny was squatting beside her looking at her with concern. “Should get Vik to check you out.” He tapped his temple. “Feels like something got knocked loose.”</p><p>She squinted at him as he went fuzzy. Pixelated like a picture blown up too big. What’s wrong with you. Her words slurred and fear twinged at her because she didn’t think it was the alcohol.</p><p>Johnny held his hand up to look at it. It went solid- almost like flesh and blood- and then pixelated again. Not in the way he usually did with the blue and white lines. This just looked….bad. It looked really bad.</p><p>“Think the relic might’a gotten rattled,” he grunted, flinching when he pixeled out.</p><p>“Okay. Okay.” She fought against the rising panic. She called Delamaine and asked him to come get her. Within a few minutes he pulled up next to her and she climbed in. Johnny sat next to her in the backseat, bouncing his leg. Looking over at her, no aviators on, and his eyes flickered around her face. They pulled up to the alley of the clinic and she stumbled out of the car, having to lean heavily on the wall to keep her balance. Johnny stayed by her side the entire slow walk to the clinic’s entrance.</p><p>As soon as Vik saw her he was out of his seat and halfway across the room.</p><p>“V! What the hell happened to you?”</p><p>“Relic…” she gasped out then collapsed on the floor.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>—</p><p><br/>
</p><p>When she woke up was Vik’s face appearing over hers and his warm hand cupping her face. She blinked the pixels away and gripped his hand back, seeking a flesh and blood connection.</p><p>“Wha’ happen’ Vik?” Her tongue was like a block of lead in her mouth.</p><p>Vik sighed deeply and pressed their foreheads together. “Scared the shit outta me V.” Vik pressed a kiss to her forehead and pulled away. </p><p>“Sorry,” she croaked out.</p><p>“Yeah you better be. What happened?”</p><p>“Rhino came after me.”</p><p>“Shit. He gonna try again?”</p><p>V shifted, trying to get some feeling back into her ass. “Maybe? It was a pretty prime opportunity for him. So maybe not. Was drunk. Alone. Wasn’t watching my back.”</p><p>Vik crossed his arms, fingers digging into his skin in the way he did when he was trying to not fall apart. She’d seen him do that after a close friend of his died and she’d stayed with him through the night, holding him while he shook apart.</p><p>“You don’t have people backing you up anymore V. Gotta be more careful.”</p><p>“Johnny is.” </p><p>Vik’s eyebrow disappeared into his hairline. “How?”</p><p>V rubbed the back of her neck, knowing she was about to get her ass handed to her by Vik. “He was the one to get us away. Took control of my arms and legs and took off. Woulda died without him.”</p><p>Vik didn’t say a word. Just stared at her and that made it worse. He was trying not to lay into her and she appreciated it. He could tell how fragile she was. She sighed and sat up slowly, feeling the world stutter a bit as her optics calibrated a little too slow to match real-time. </p><p>“Ugh, fuck.” She took a deep breath to stop from puking. “Johnny-ugh-Johnny said he thought something might be rattled.”</p><p>“He’d be right,” Vik grumbled and showed her the scan of her brain. He pointed to an angry red spot that was near the port where the relic was jacked-in. “Guessing you got your head banged around because the force of it caused damage to the bone around the port.”</p><p>V’s heart stopped. “What? Is he okay?”</p><p>Vik frowned at her, disappointed at her for whatever reason. “You’re worried about—? Y’know what, Never mind. I don’t wanna know.” </p><p>He sighed, dropping his head in his hand, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. “The skulls’ been cracked at the place where it attaches to the port. It’s wiggling around in your brain. Could cause damage to your brain and to the shard.”</p><p>Johnny appeared next to her, arms crossed and a deep frown pulling at his mouth, hiding behind his aviators like usual. V stole a glance at him, judging his mood and unable to get a read on him except for the slight worry that was trickling through the bond. Worry for her or for himself, she couldn’t tell.</p><p>“You can’t fix it,” she surmised and Vik’s grip on his arms turned white-knuckle. </p><p>“…I can…”</p><p>“How bad is the fixing solution?”</p><p>“One to ten? About a six.”</p><p>“Oh…that’s not as bad as I was thinking.”</p><p>Vik and Johnny snorted at the same time, echoes of exasperation.</p><p>“‘Course you wouldn’t think so,” Vik grumbled. “Anyway, you gotta take it easy. And I can do small surgery on it to tack it in place to fortify the weak parts. Put some metal on the bone. I gotta stabilize the port because it’s wiggling around in your skull right now.”</p><p>“Alright,” V agreed without hesitation. Whatever Vik suggested medically for her chrome was what she always went with. He knew better than her and had brought her back from the brink of death too many times to count.</p><p>Vik nodded. “Won’t take long. Barely hurt too.” He squeezed her shoulder reassuringly and then went to go prep for the operation. </p><p>Johnny was a ball of nerves practically vibrating apart into single ones and zeros.</p><p>“Wanna talk about it?” She asked, not sure what he was like when he was this anxious and suppressing it instead of lashing out in anger.</p><p>Johnny shifted his weight and glanced at her but didn’t say anything. He was thinking loudly though. The spot at the base of her skull was burning. She decided to leave him to his thoughts because it was too much effort to pry answers from him. If he wanted to say something he could show it to her or talk.</p><p>Vik came back and injected some local anesthetic for her skull and got to work opening up that part of her brain to stabilize her and Johnny’s lifeline. V thought Johnny would leave, glitch out and leave her, but he stayed through the whole thing. Didn’t say a word, just stood by her silently while Vik worked on her. She appreciated it more than she could explain. His presence was comforting.</p><p>At the end of it Vik ordered her bed rest for a few days.</p><p>“For the love of god V, try not to get tossed around again. Don’t take any gigs or at least wear a damn helmet,” Vik muttered the last part. She grinned at him and slid off the chair.</p><p>“Thanks Vik.” She hugged him and he returned it, wrapping her up in the kind of soft comforting hug that made her entire being sag with relief. “You’re too good to me.”</p><p>“Not possible V,” he chuckled softly, “you deserve the world.” </p><p>He hugged her tightly then released her back into the city with strict orders to not pull ‘any gonk stunts again.’</p><p>By the time she got home, she had her car auto-drive to Viks place, and inside her house, she realized Johnny still hadn’t said anything. He also hadn’t glitched away, opting to stay beside her during the wait for the car, the drive home and the elevator ride and was still walking beside her as she unlocked the door and went inside their house.</p><p>“Wanna talk about it?” She gently prompted him again, not wanting to push or frighten him off.</p><p>Johnny stared at her silently, looking her over like he was expecting her to pass out again. After another long silence he took his aviators off to tap them against his hand. </p><p>He took a deep breath. “Getting jumped in an alley and not being able to do a damn thing reminded me of something. Not happy about having to relive that.”</p><p>V bit her lip. She could feel the underlying fear he was fighting against. Had been fighting since Vik started opening her head up for that surgery. There wasn’t much she could do to reassure him and she had no context for what situation he was referring to. Whatever it was he was keeping the memory locked up tight.</p><p>V looked at him and he instinctively met her eyes, feeling her intent through their bond that was getting stronger by the day. </p><p>“Sorry you had to go through that,” she whispered.</p><p>Johnny got a wrecked look on his face. He swallowed hard, clenched his eyes shut then glitched away, leaving V alone.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>—</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Hours later, late late into the night, Johnny glitched back into the room with her. V looked up from her book to watch him lean against the wall in his usual spot by the window. She set her book down wanting to give him her full attention.</p><p>“Johnny, I know we don’t know each other very well—”</p><p>“We’re in each other's brains, V. Think we know each other pretty damn well.”</p><p>“Look, I just-” she sighed. “I’m just worried about you. No one deserves to be alone. Not when they feel how you feel.”</p><p>He shifted, wrapping his flesh around himself to grip his metal shoulder in as close to a hug as she’d ever seen. </p><p>“And how do I feel V?”</p><p>“…Sad.”</p><p>He didn’t move or acknowledge that he heard her even though they both know he did. When he glitched away, V had to swallow back her disappointment.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>—</p><p><br/>
</p><p>She woke up shaking. Again. Her mom’s lifeless body falling to the ground was imprinted on the back of her eyelids every time she blinked. Seeing it over and over again like a movie on repeat. The burning of the Soulkiller wreath digging into her temples was there like a phantom pain that always followed her into the waking world when she had Johnny’s nightmare. </p><p>She smelled his cologne before she saw him. He was already sitting on the edge of the bed, guitar in his hands, she wondered how long he had been there.</p><p>“Couldn’t sleep,” he responded and V blinked. Her mental walls must be really thin if he could hear her that well. She knew he could sleep when he wanted to and that it didn’t depend on her body. They were still separate enough for that. He plucked at the strings of his guitar. Playing a little tune she didn’t know.</p><p>“Was from a song I never released. Something I wrote back in ‘22.” He played for a few moments before stopping. Silence fell over the room. It felt heavy and intimate. Full of unasked questions and unsaid truths.</p><p>“Sorry about your mom.” His voice was so quiet in the darkness. She curled in on herself, hugging her pillow to her chest. </p><p>“Thank you,” she whispered just as quietly. “I’m sorry for what you went through. No one should die alone.”</p><p>“You said that before,” he murmured. </p><p>She rolled over to look at him, still buried under her covers up to her chin. He was watching her, aviators gone, honey-eyes soft and full of pain. “My dad used to say it. Told me to never let someone I cared about die alone.”</p><p>Johnny’s breath hitched and he glanced away. She realized belatedly what her words truly conveyed. That she cared about him. At the end of all this, she didn’t want him to die. He didn’t glitch away. He stayed with her, playing softly on his guitar till she fell asleep singing his songs in her head.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>----</p><p>This is the song he's playing:<br/>
<iframe></iframe></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><br/>Incase the gif doesn't work:<br/></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Act Two: Chippin' In - Into the Night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  
  <br/>
  <i>//Like a gift from the heavens, it was easy to tell,<br/>It was love from above that could save me from hell.<br/>She had fire in her soul it was easy to see,<br/>How the devil himself could be pulled out of me.//</i>
  <br/>
  <b>Into the Night - Santana, Nickelback</b>
</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Welcome to Act Two. Enjoy the ride chooms.</p><p>This is the chapter that inspired my story 'Not Willing To Pay That Price.' If you know, you know.</p><p>Shoutout to Casuallyarobot! Thanks!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>A few days after the brain-rattle incident, Goro finally contacted her and asked her to meet him under some bridge next to the canal to meet his Arasaka contact. It was Hanako Arasaka’s bodyguard, someone Goro had trained himself, and the guy told them in no uncertain terms that he would kill them if he saw them again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was just fine with V. She had no desire to talk to Hanako. Just seeing her father in Johnny’s memories and that brief encounter during the heist was enough Arasaka royal family to last her a lifetime. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Goro though? He was determined that the princess was their best choice though her and Johnny had both agreed that the ex-bodyguard’s priority was himself and she was just the tool he needed to get him back on top. V wasn’t keen on that idea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We obtained something useful,” Goro mused. “The parade. That is our chance. If somehow we can get to Hanako-sama…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny glitched into view. “No way, V. Tell this corpo-rat we aren’t risking our necks so he can get back into the good graces of his princess.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>V leaned back against the canal railing, lit cigarette dangling from her fingers. Johnny mirrored her, taking a drag of his cigarette in tandem with her. She puffed out her smoke in large rings getting progressively smaller making it into a target. Goro cleared his throat, drawing her attention back to him. She watched him from the corner of this eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you actually want Goro?” she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He blinked standing up straighter under her interrogation. “I do not understand?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want your job back? You want revenge? What are you doing all this for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For Arasaka-dono,” he answered. No hesitation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>V rolled her eyes dramatically, flicking the ash off the end of her cigarette. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure sure. Good corpo-lap dog like you are,” she said sarcastically and Johnny laughed under his breath. Goro bristled, opening his mouth to refute her but she continued before he could get a word out. “I know about how Arasaka chooses their people. You’ve been with them since you were a kid. I get that. Loyal and all that. But I’m not keen on being your step-stool for you to get back in their service.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blew her next plume of smoke in his face. He made a disgusted noise and waved it out of his air. “I don’t trust you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His glare was incredulous. “You are in a worse position than me. Dying, if your ripperdoc is to believed. Do you have the luxury of needing to <i>trust</i> me to work with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The understanding of why Goro was sticking with her settled in her mind. He didn’t know she was Red Brand. He was banking on her being able to call in a few favors to get them the leverage they needed for this parade-stunt he wanted to pull. She thought about it for a moment, thinking over her options. She was not helping him see Hanako, no way in hell, but she could help him in another way and still pay off her debt for him saving her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if I get your chrome back online?” she asked. Goro tilted his head. Considering. V went on. “If I can get your implants unlocked, get you back to one-hundred percent, that’ll make us even.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Goro frowned. “I would…not be opposed to that but I would still need you to speak to Hanako-sama to clear my name and prove that Yorinobu is the traitor. Only then will I consider us ‘even.’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This Arasaka wackjob is too much,” Johnny grumbled. He was standing to the side now, arms crossed and glaring a whole furnace of heat at the back of Goro’s head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>V waved off Goro’s concern, lighting up another cigarette. When had she started chain-smoking? “I’ll give you a recording of the whole thing. Got it somewhere in my head.” She turned to him fully. “I’ve fought against Arasaka most my life- I got the guy who blew up their tower in my damn head. You really think they’re gonna wanna help me? The parade you wanna crash is a memorial to the whole thing. You’re too far gone to even realize how much of a tool you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At least I have principles,” Goro bit out, hands fisting by his sides, “you dirty your hand for money. Nothing else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>V was moving before it was a conscious thought, chrome -chrome?- fist connecting with Goro’s jaw and sending him stumbling back. Rage rippled under her skin. In her gut. In that spot at the base of her skull.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny’s satisfaction trickled through the bond. “Nice punch. Solid. Vik taught you a good right hook that’s for sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Goro glared at her from his hunched position, cradling his face. He spit out some blood. “You proved my point,” he mumbled out, voice muffled by his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>V laughed bitterly, working her hand open and closed in a fist, itching for another shot. “Fuck you, choom. Look around-” she spread her arms wide to indicate the whole of Night City- “you’ve been on the streets for long enough to see the shithole this place is. Wanna know who made it that way?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stepped up to him, forcing him to pull himself up to his full height adn towering over her, but that didn’t stop her from getting inches from his face. Something Johnny did to people he wanted to intimidate but V was shorter than Johnny and had to tilt her head back to meet Goro’s eyes. She put as much rage into her eyes as she could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your masters did this to us. Did this to you. Even put you on the street like trash. I’m not helping you put me back into the junkyard. Not gonna help you talk to Hanako. My only help from here on out is what I already offered. I get your chrome online and give you a recording of Saburo’s death. You’re on your own after that or your on your own now when I walk away. Up to you, yojimbo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span><i>Bodyguard.</i></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Goro flinched at the title. She waited for a few moments, letting him burn holes into her with his furious eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon V,” Johnny groaned loudly, making her glance over at him. He was leaning back against the railing, head tossed back in a dramatic fashion. He cracked an eye open to peer at her. “No use in trying to convince him. Corpo is in his blood. Bone deep. He’s not gonna change his mind cause you’re nice to him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What makes you think I’m being nice?” She shot back. Johnny gave her a look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Telling me you’re not gonna call in that favor I can hear you thinking about? For this guy?” Johnny’s disgusted gaze scanned Goro. “What a waste.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tension snapped and Goro snarled, turning on his heel storming away. V watched him go feeling slight remorse at his departure. The guy would die if he tried to go through with his plan. At least if his chrome was working he would stand a chance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go V,” Johnny urged. “No use staying around here. Standing in the rain. Can feel you getting cold.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>V sighed heavily and tossed her burnt-out cigarette butt to the ground, grinding it out with her heel. “Yeah. Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>__</p><p><br/>
</p><p>V wanted to get drunk. Not willing to risk going out again and being jumped like last time, she opted for getting some take-out and drinking herself under the table. Four shots in, she decided that getting black-out drunk wasn’t what she wanted but that one more drink was in order. Something to end the night on a high note and that she could just sip on. </p><p>She stumbled into her kitchen, heading straight for the bar. She rooted around for her bottle of rum and a can of Nicola, fingers numb from the alcohol in her veins. She’d specifically dimmed her synth-liver’s filter down so she could get drunk. </p><p>Everything was starting to catch up with her. The massive shit storm her life had become. She’d gone from being the Knight of NC to a blacklisted has-been in two fucking weeks and now, even more weeks on, a pathetic washed-up merc feeling sorry for herself. The moment Saburo Arasaka had walked into that hotel room her life had been over. She was just too stubborn to roll over and die. Too damn prideful to let a fucking corpo dickwipe be the one to take her out like they had Johnny.</p><p>Johnny materialized in front of her, bracing himself on the bar with his arms spread so far apart that he was taking up half the small bar. He always seemed to be like that. Like his default was to make himself look bigger than he was. Take up more space than he should. Demanding people notice that he was there and he wasn’t going to move.</p><p>Johnny smirked at her. “Thought we built this little truce between us on the shared understanding of how much we both hate the fuckin’ corpos.”</p><p>She shrugged as she poured herself three fingers of rum and added a splash of Nicola for taste. “Nothing personal against most corpos. I used them enough to like what they can get me. But Arasaka?” She downed it in one go, enjoying the warm burn down her throat and pointed a finger at him. “I have a personal grudge with them now.”</p><p>“Why’d you think you could steal from ‘Saka without getting fucked over?”</p><p>“Stealing from the son who hates his dad wasn’t stealing from Arasaka. The guy had tried to leave the corpos behind. It wasn’t as big of a risk.”</p><p>“But you still got fucked.”</p><p>“Yup.” </p><p>She pushed off the bar, waving at him to follow her. “C’mon. Wanna show you somethin’.”</p><p>He trailed behind her, glitching to lean against a wall when she stopped. She opened a concealed pinpad, typed in the code and a door slid open. She wandered in, stumbling a bit under the sweet relaxation of the alcohol burning through her, and plopped down on the couch inside.</p><p>Johnny flickered around the room taking a look at the various treasures she stored inside. It was her secret vault. She kept everything she loved in there, locked away from harm. Art pieces and books lined shelves. Antique guns were displayed lovingly in glass cases. </p><p>She knew the moment Johnny saw the electric guitars.</p><p>Excitement blasted into her like a hot gust of wind. It mixed with the alcohol and made her lightheaded and dizzy in an addicting combination. If that’s what his excitement felt like she wanted to do it for him again and again. Anything to have him feel that way and let her ride on its aftershocks. She could see why the people in his past had followed him.</p><p>Johnny was a drug in the worst kind of way.</p><p>He let out a slow whistle. “I’m impressed. These are actually not bad.”</p><p>She scoffed. By ‘not bad’ he had to mean ‘pretty impressive’ because they were originals from back when he was around. Not Samurai guitars but they belonged to a rockstar who had been the frontman in a band her dad had loved. </p><p>The songs were a little shallow, written to appeal to the masses, but her dad had her jamming with their lyrics since she was born. When she was older he’d played her some of the band’s oldest songs— the stuff they wrote before getting chained to a label— and it had resonated with her. She’d understood then why her dad still followed them even though they changed their sound and message a little. He was a true fan.</p><p>As soon as she got enough eddies to burn she had tried to find his old guitar and, settling for the next best thing, guitars from that band, and put them on display next to a picture of her dad. A private memorial for him instead of one of those little niches at the Night City cemetery. </p><p>“Wanna play?” She asked Johnny, feeling soft towards the rockerboy. She was pleased with his appreciation for what she’d done for her dad's memory. She could feel his approval.</p><p>Johnny looked at her for a few moments then glitched in front of her with the biggest grin when he realized she was being serious. “You’re gonna let me drive?”</p><p>“No way.” </p><p>“The fuck? Thought you just asked if I wanted to play?”</p><p>“I don’t need to pop a pill for what I’m thinking.” She set her drink down and walked over to the glass case. “You can overshadow my arms. You’ve done it before.”</p><p>Johnny glitched next to her. “Suppose I have.”</p><p>She grinned at him. “Won’t be too different I think. ‘Sides, I want to hear thee Johnny Silverhand play for me.”</p><p>He raised an amused brow. “For you huh? Could just be playing for myself.”</p><p>“Sure,” she shrugged, “but I’ll get to hear you play. So in a way it’s a private show for me.”</p><p>His lips quirked up in a self-satisfied smirk. “You want a private show?”</p><p>She rolled her eyes. “In spite of your personal flaws, you’re one hell of a musician. A real rocker. Of course, I want to hear you play.”</p><p>He blinked at her, caught by surprise. A thought of his drifted through her mind. A fragment of a memory. Of someone telling him his love of music was not real. That he didn’t have a rocker’s soul and his lyrics were lies. </p><p>She blinked back at him, wondering who would have said that to his face. He’d died for his ideals. So convicted by them that he laid siege to the castle of one of the biggest enemies of the common people and tried to take it out at its roots. It hadn’t been the best strategy, not by a long shot, and doomed to only make Arasaka look like the victim in the end. But he’d fought for his ideals. </p><p>
  <i>-Fought for what he thought was right. Ended up hurting and killing a lot more people than he’d ever wanted to. But his love of music wasn’t a lie. He’d taught himself how to play. How to sing. Got a band together. He had molded himself into a warrior that used music as his weapon and built a crew around him he could trust. Only his desperation, in the end, made him turn violent.-</i>
</p><p>V took a shuddering breath. She grabbed at the edge of the display case to steady herself under the weight of his memories. Memories fragmented and tangled up with his raw emotions and furnace-like anger.  He was so intense all the time. If she didn’t prepare herself if she didn’t keep some kind of barrier between them she’d lose herself in him faster than the relic could take her.</p><p>“You okay?” Johnny asked her. He had a soft look on him, eyes flickering around her face like he was worried.</p><p>She swallowed down her emotions and nodded. “Yeah. I’m fine.” She straightened up and gave him a shaky smile then gestured to the case. “Which one?”</p><p>Johnny studied her for a moment, looking at her thoughtfully before he spun around to look at the guitars.</p><p>She had three of them now- two of the bands and her dad’s acoustic guitar sitting right in the middle of them. All lined up nicely and lit up with lights to show off their gleaming surfaces, her dad's photo framed and sitting on a little table underneath them next to her mother’s necklace. The only thing she had from her. She was proud of the memorial. How she had chosen to remember her parents who had tried so hard to give her as good of a life as the lower class of Night City were able to afford. </p><p>They’d lost everything in the fallout after the bombing of Arasaka. Johnny never could have guessed how much that would change Night City. And not for the better. So many people died. So many more ended up in poverty as the corporations moved in like hyenas to snap up more territory and to control more and more of the people’s lives. </p><p>Her dad had gotten shuffled around and ended up in the gutter, carving out a living fixing cars and wiring under buildings. He’d met her mother and then she’d come along not too long after. She’d carved out her life, determined to make it to the top and make them proud.</p><p>“This one,” Johnny nodded to the blue and gold one. He’d taken his aviators off to study them. She grinned as she opened the glass case. Johnny’s excitement was the only thing she could feel from him through the bond. His thoughts were scattered but clear enough </p><p>
  <i>-He wanted to feel the cool surface of the guitar. The press of the strings on his fingertips. Hear the music he made instead of just remember what it was supposed to sound like.-</i>
</p><p>She led them out into the living room, Johnny glitching ahead of her like he was skipping through a field of flowers. His thoughts were becoming louder, his emotions brighter. V let herself ride his memories and feelings. Flashes of his gigs. Playing for screaming crowds and the chanting of his name on their lips like a battle call. The women throwing themselves at him like he was the last man in the fucking world. The parties. The band. His friends- Kerry yelling at him after he took a gimmick a little too far but being too angry and coming off his high to really give a shit.</p><p>V took a breath. His mind was a whirlwind and it took all her concentration to separate his memories from hers. </p><p>“Johnny,” she called gently, looking up at him from her seat. He had spaced-out, reliving the memories alongside her. He blinked a few times then his eyes focused on her.</p><p>“Come here.” She jerked her chin in a beckoning gesture. Johnny glitched over to her, close enough that their knees were touching. She craned her neck back to look at him. He still had his aviators off. She gave him a half-smile. “Sit down you gonk.”</p><p>He smirked at some passing through she couldn't hear then glitched so he was sitting next to her and turned to her expectantly.</p><p>“Now just do what you’ve done before when you’ve made me move.”</p><p>“Alright,” he said, and then her arms were moving on their own. </p><p>Johnny was still sitting next to her but her limbs and fingers were pantomiming his movements. His guitar materialized in his hands and he strummed its digital strings. Her hands copied the motion in real-time and her guitar’s beautiful sound rang out in the real world. Actual music to her ears. Johnny’s joy seared through her and she found herself grinning along with him.</p><p>“Have at it, rockerboy,” she laughed giving up control of her limbs. She’d figured that he could take control of her body— full control —anytime he wanted. He just hadn’t yet. </p><p>She felt Johnny’s thoughts mingle with her own to answer her. Explain himself. </p><p>
  <i>-He didn’t want to anymore. He was disgusted at what Arasaka had turned him into. His literal worst nightmare. The thing he had been so angry at them for doing— taking everything that made a person a person— and that he’d been fighting against and screaming into the mic about. They turned him into it.-</i>
</p><p>“Johnny, get out of your head and enjoy the moment,” V chastised him. She was tired of him going off on a side trail and taking her along with him. </p><p>He stopped strumming, strangling the guitar neck, looking at her with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>“Tired of hearing what I’m thinking?” he asked. </p><p>She rolled her eyes. “I’m with you, twenty-four-seven Johnny. If you’re not talking to me, you’re thinking and I can hear some of it. Know you hear me too sometimes. Just want to hear something else for a change.” She took control of her arms and played a rift from Like A Supreme. </p><p>Johnny gaped. “When did you learn that?”</p><p>“My dad,” she said, still playing through a few more rifts, “Like it?”</p><p>“Best damn thing I’ve heard in years.”</p><p>She laughed. “Thanks. Now,” she gave him a coy smile, “Play for me rockerboy.”</p><p>His lips twitched into a smirk. “Alright.” Then her hands started moving on their own, pulling out the notes of Like A Supreme from her father’s memorial guitar in the way only Johnny Silverhand could.</p><p>He gave her a private show. Playing all his songs and then some. They sang along with the lyrics together, voices harmonizing with no effort. Like they’d been singing together for years.</p><p>They played for hours. At some point, they got up and got snacks and another drink. Tequila this time. Something for Johnny’s tastes.</p><p>They played until her body was too tired to keep up with his skills. Her fingers were numb but she felt good. Happy in a way she hadn’t been since the heist. And she could feel that Johnny was happy too.</p><p>She fell asleep to his voice humming softly and her mind whispering the lyrics along.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>__</p><p><br/>
</p><p>A few nights later, hanging with Johnny listening to him play guitar with her hands, her holo rung. Johnny paused their hands as she answered the holo, curious to hear what Goro had to say. The man’s face appeared on the screen and he looked…defeated. Exhausted.</p><p>“Goro?”</p><p>He didn’t greet her or look her in the eyes. His pearl optics were focused somewhere off-screen. “V, I do not know anyone in this city who can help me.” Every word seemed to pain him. “I will accept your offer.”</p><p>V pulled up the contact info, scrolling through until she found the person she was looking for. "I know this ripperdoc. She’s back-alley. No paperwork, no questions. She’ll get your chrome running.”</p><p>“Very well.”</p><p>She sent him the recording of Saburao’s death that she had qued up after their previous conversation, hoping he’d take up her offer. “This’ll make us even? I don’t owe you anything after this?”</p><p>Goro nodded his head solemnly. “We are even.”</p><p>She sent him the deets to his holo. </p><p>“Thank you, V. I was wrong about you. You have honor. I would not be opposed to calling you a friend.”</p><p>V felt her stomach flip a little, a smile pulled at her lips. “Same here, Goro. You’re a decent guy. Try not to get yourself killed, ‘kay?”</p><p>He smirked, pearl eyes twinkling. “I shall try my best. Good luck V. You too should try to not die early.”</p><p>V hung up and leaned back into her couch, Johnny had given back control, finding her hands automatically reaching for Evelyn’s cigarette case. She reached for her glass of rum instead. </p><p>Johnny tsked. “Waste for a good favor if you ask me.”</p><p>“Didn’t ask you though,” she told him in her head as she took a drink.</p><p>“Still, coulda saved that for something you need. She’s high-tier right? Only legends know of this chick?” He made some vague gesture with his hands, resting his elbows on his knees. “Maybe she coulda taken a look at the chip.”</p><p>V picked up her other glass filled with tequila, started to get in the habit of drinking for both her and Johnny now. “If Vik couldn’t figure it out a back-alley ex-corpo-ripper wouldn’t be able to. They just know how to hack implants. Not this kind of brain stuff we got going on. ‘Least Goro can get practical use out of it.”</p><p>“Sure,” Johnny shrugged, pretending he wasn't bothered. As if she didn’t have a direct line into his deep well of chaotic emotions and that he wasn’t starting to freak out a bit at the thought of a cyberninja Goro at one-hundred percent. “And now he can come after us and <i>actually</i> beat the shit out of us. Make you talk to Hanako."</p><p>“He’s not going to do that Johnny.”</p><p>“Yeah?” He squinted at her with a sneer. “How do you know? What’s a corpo’s word worth?”</p><p>“It’s worth something,” she snapped. He wouldn’t make her doubt her decisions. He didn’t have years of merc work behind him, having to suss out who he could trust not to shoot him in the back. He had a truckload of charisma and little else to back him up. No skills in shooting a gun but pretending he could aim that hand cannon of his and actually hit something. Pretending he was a badass fighter when he wasn’t. “Goro’s one of the few that I believe who will honor his word. Let’s just…drop it.”</p><p>“Sure, V. Sure.” </p><p>Johnny abruptly took control of her arms and started back up strumming a tune. V didn’t bother calling him on being an asshole by not asking to use her arms again because he could feel her annoyance through the bond and he was projecting his own annoyance with her just as loudly. So instead of keeping their little spat going, she let herself float in her mind listening to Johnny write out a new song on a guitar almost as old as he was. </p><p><br/>
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  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Act Two: Chippin' In - Kingslayer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  
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  <i>//hi are you looking for the other side?<br/>feel like nothing ever seems quite right?<br/>are you circling the drain pipe,<br/>getting off on pain like you’re corrupted?<br/>i need to know where your loyalties lie<br/>tell me are you gonna bark or bite?<br/>do you really want to twist the knife<br/>in the belly of the monster? //<br/></i>
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  <b> Kingslayer- Bring Me the Horizon and BABYMETAL </b>
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          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello, yes, I am still here. Shoutout to my server choom’s who are keeping me sane. You know who you are. Thank you.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>V drove to Pacifica to talk to the Voodoo Boys. Really to talk to Maman Brigitte. V couldn’t put it off much longer and the VDB was starting to look like her and Johnny’s best bet after Goro’s lead fell through and Hellman was a bust.</p><p>V knew where the VDB home base was located- in a creepy little church next to the water since she had done a few gigs for Brigitte a couple of years back. A rare thing for the VDB to reach out to anyone in the city but V had been qualified for the job. </p><p>She’d completed it without a hitch and gained a breadcrumb of respect from Brigitte. The VDB owed her a favor for one of those gigs because she had done it off the books. She was counting on the fact that the VBD didn’t operate by normal Night City rules and wouldn’t give a shit about the Red Brand. It was her only gamble.</p><p>Johnny materialized in the passenger seat. “If that’s the case why didn’t you go to them first? Cash in your favor?”</p><p>V took a quick glance at him, he was smoking, one knee up on the dash looking relaxed, and put her eyes back on the road.</p><p>“The VBD weren’t around in your day where they?” She asked sarcastically. She knew they hadn’t been but Johnny was being a deliberate asshole about it. Giving her grief over their lack of progress. </p><p>He tilted his head. “Never heard of ‘em before now.”</p><p>V gripped the steering wheel, eyes focused and burning a hole into the road before her as she carfeully navigated her way through the streets of Pacifica. “They are ruthless, pitiless and the best netrunners around. They rarely work with anyone from the city. They play by their own rules and damn anyone who gets caught in the crossfire.”</p><p>“Right. Like Evelyn. They’re the ones that fried her chip for betraying them.”</p><p>V swallowed as the twin image of Evelyn’s drained corpse flashed through her mind from two different perspectives. Hers and Johnny’s. “Yeah. Like her.”</p><p>V parked the car across the street from the church, avoiding being right in the line of sight. There was some kind of funeral going on that had drawn a nice-sized crowd and probably many VDB’s.</p><p>“C’mon V,” Johnny whined, “don’t got time to wait for the dead.”</p><p>She rolled her eyes but did as he said, getting out of the car and heading straight inside. She skirted the wall and made her way around the mourners to the door to the side of the alter. A bodyguard gave her the side eye but she reqonized him and gave him a nod and he returned it, letting her pass with no fuss.</p><p>“I’m starting to see how useful you are. Know practically everyone in the city don’t you?” Johnny talked in her head, not bothering to glitch into real space</p><p>“I know enough of them,” she responded, carefully avoiding the cracked staircase. “Not doing me much good right now though.” She took a sharp left and entered the catacombs, following her memory of the couple of times Brigitte had led her down there before.</p><p>“Maybe this will be our big break,” he mused and he actually sounded hopeful. Hesitantly hopeful but V would take what she could get from him. Anything besides snark and bravado was like a ray of sunshine as far as she was concerned.</p><p>She went down the dug out tunnel and emerged into the VDB’s netrunner hub. The place was humming with electricity and computers beeping away in the background. Johnny let out an impressed whistle.</p><p>“Looks like they have a whole city’s worth of computer shit here.”</p><p>V hummed, stepping slowly into the room, scanning for any traps or cameras. “They’re completely independent of Night City. This place could probably power NC on its own with how much they have packed in here.”</p><p>She could feel his sudden concern sour the bond.</p><p>“You sure you wanna cut a deal with them?” he asked, frowing at her over the tops of his aviators.</p><p>“Don’t really got a choice do we?” she shot back.</p><p>“Suppose not...”</p><p>V looked around the room that was complete devoid of net runners. “Now where the hell is everyone?”</p><p>After rooting around the systems V found the cause of everyone being gone. Netwatch had trapped the leaders and half their net runners in the net, locking them out of their bodies. She’d had to get them out first if she wanted to talk to Brigitte. Everything was always so much more complicated than it needed to be when the clock was ticking.</p><p>V hacked into their communication system and sent a ping with her holo number to Placide, the only non-netrunner leader they had, knowing he would be her best bet. Sure enough her holo rang a minute after she sent it.</p><p>Placide glared daggers at her when his face popped up on her screen.</p><p>“Why are you in our systems?”</p><p>“Nice to see you too Placide,” she greeted with a smirk. “I’m in the hub.”</p><p>His eyes went wide before they narrowed into slits. “Who do you think you are to do whatever you please?”</p><p>“The one who can rescue Brigitte,” she answered. A self satisfied smirk pulled on her lips at his sudden silence. He looked murderous but he nodded his head stiffly.</p><p>“You know then?”</p><p>“About netwatch? Yeah. I need to talk to Brigitte.”</p><p>“Then you know she is trapped by them.”</p><p>“I’m calling to make a deal Placide. You want my help or not?”</p><p>“That depends,” he said and his tone made every warning bell V had ring like a French Cathedral at noon. She raised her brow at him in a silent que to continue his sentence. He couldn’t bait her into asking questions he should just provide the information for. An annoyed expression flashed across his face before he gave in and got to the heart of the matter.</p><p>“You are Red Brand. You need us or you’d not have sought us out but I don’t think I want to be helping you.” He sneered. “You are not well liked right now.”</p><p>“Shit, V.” Johnny muttered, “this guys a real cranky son-of-a-bitch ain’t he?”</p><p>“He’s always like this. Don’t take it personal,” she told him in the privacy of their shared brain. Out loud she laid into Placide.</p><p>“Cut the shit. I know netwatch just nabbed your last netrunner. You don’t have anyone you can send in to get close enough or you would have done it already, -Placides expression darkened - and you’re grasping at straws to cobble a plan together. Right now, you need me.”</p><p>Her words hung in the air, heavy with implication and veiled threats. Seconds ticked by like hours. Cards on the table. Her only gamble. Johnny was just as tense as she was. Then Placide nodded grimly and the relief from both of them was so strong it almost sent them into a feedback loop.</p><p>“Name your terms,” Placide sounded like he was dying with every word. V tried not to smirk too obviously.</p><p>“Brigitte helps me with my first problem and then gives me access to her netrunners for the next three months. Anything I need from them they do. In exchange I save Brigitte, your netrunners, and zero netwatch and all their agents.”</p><p>Placide’s expression was carefully controlled as he nodded to accept her terms. “Very well. I agree.”</p><p>He must have been desperate if he didn’t try to haggle. The VDB were notorious for getting more out of their deals than they gave. Alarms went off in her head again.</p><p>“Don’t like that he’s just rolling over,” she directed her thought at Johnny.</p><p>He hummed in agreement. “Mhm. Intuition tells me he’s hiding something.”</p><p>“Think you’re right.”</p><p>The bond tinged with smugness. His. “Usually am V.”</p><p>V turned her attention back on Placide who was looking at her as if she was inconveniencing him by having a silent conversation with her brain-buddy.</p><p>“Anything else?” he asked.</p><p>“Yeah.” She paused, baiting him to prompt her. He raised a brow. She raised hers back. He growled and she smirked.</p><p>“What is it?” he relented.</p><p>“Simple. Don’t fucking cross me.”</p><p>His face went blank so quick it as like a switch had been flipped. She knew it. He had been planning something and she called him on it.</p><p>“I mean it Placide,” she warned. “You try anything- try to fuck me over in anyway. Do me any harm or even attempt it, I’ll shoot out your kneecaps.”</p><p>He glowered at her. “Understood. Now come to the main building. I will fill you in there.”</p><p>“Why can’t you do it over the holo?”</p><p>“I need to upload the information and would rather not send it over an unsecured channel.”</p><p>“Oh hell no, V.” Johnny glitched into view, already puffing on a cigarette and pacing around like he would die if he stood still for a second. “Don’t like this shit at all. Sounds fuckin fishy.”</p><p>She shook her head at Placide. “Don’t think so choom. Not letting you upload anything into me. I may be Red Brand but my hardware still works. I can take out netwatch without any extra help from you. Just tell me where I’m headed.”</p><p>He shook his head like he was exasperated with her but the next moment a map with a highlighted location pinged on her holo. A few pictures of members of the Animals gang popped up as well, showing them hanging around the old amusement park. “We have been watching them for a while now. We think they are guarding the netwatch agent.”</p><p>V nodded absentmindedly, already compiling a plan to get inside, past the hangers and track down the agent.</p><p>Placide continued. “There is a truck that they brought in a few days ago that looked to be the mobile hub for netwatch. You could start there.”</p><p>“Sounds good.” She headed back out to her car. “I’ll call you when it’s done.”</p><p>“I would prefer to watch in real time.”</p><p>V glared at him. She knew what he was getting at and there was no way she was letting him watch through her eyes. One was already too many. "You’re not hooking a spy-eye into me.”</p><p>“Spy-eye?” Johnny asked, curious.</p><p>“It’s a subroutine program that allows someone to watch through your optics in real-time and have access to your neural network. Invasive as hell,” V explained.</p><p>“Fuck, yeah don’t like that at all,” he agreed.</p><p>Placide glowered at her again and at this point she was positive his face would stick that way. “Fine. Call me when you’re inside.”</p><p>He hung up.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>She barely needed to do anything because if there was one thing she had learned in her years as a merc it was that the gonks in the Animals took steroids that shriveled their brains and made them talk too much. Johnny had scoffed at her when she squated behind a heavy concrete piller hidden from optics and scanners alike, but she was the one smirking at the end when they overheard what they needed. The exact location of the netwatch agent.</p><p>He rolled his eyes at her smugness. “Smug don’t look good on you, V.”</p><p>“Oh? But it does on you?”</p><p>His smirk turned wicked. “It’s not smug its confidence. I’ve been told it’s sexy.”</p><p>She let out a laugh and quickly smothered it into silence. Thankfully, Johnny stayed silent while she snuck her way past the gangers and into the theatre. Some old movie was playing in the screen. It made her think of the old drive in she had gone to as a kid a few times when they could afford it. Maybe sometime she’d see if it was still operational.</p><p>She crept up in the Netwatch agent and he was not surprised to see her. Apparently he had been tracking her movements. Through the mall.</p><p>He tried to bargain with her then tried to shoot her when she refused it. She shot him first.</p><p>Standing over the cooling body, she called Placide. He answered the holo before the first ring finished.</p><p>“You found him?” he asked with a blank expression. V gave him a lazy smirk.</p><p>“Yeah. Zeroed him. I got the laptop that has all the access to their Pacific network. You guys are in a really bad spot huh?”</p><p>His expression soured and V knew she had him by the hairs. It looked like Netwatch had been hunting the VDB for months and finally trapped Brigette in cyberspace.</p><p>“Let me access the laptop.” placide demanded and red flag went up all over the place.</p><p>“How about I bring it back to you?” V was not willing to let the VDB access to her systems. Not without running every backup protocol and firewall she had.</p><p>Placide growled. “Just give me access to it. We do not have time to argue.”</p><p>“No?” V asked raising a brow, “maybe you don’t but I do.”</p><p>“Netwatch will know their agent is dead. We do not have time.”</p><p>V swore. If Netwatch fried Brigitte they were back to square one. Reluctantly she jacked into the laptop, running as many subroutines, deamons and firewalls that Bebop, her other netrunner friend and longtime working partner, had given her and the. opened up the channel for Placide.</p><p>“Bad fuckin’ idea, V,” Johnny warned but it was too late.</p><p>Almost immediately Placide’s face went fuzzy on her holo and the laptop screen filled with red zeros and ones. V’s head started spinning and then she was screaming and then she blacked out.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>V stormed up to Placide’s office like vengeance incarnate. The fucker’ had used her as a malware conductor to fry Netwatch and fried her with it. Without Johnny she would be dead. A second time. How he’d manged to get past Bebop’s Firewalls, she had no clue but she knew what she was going to do to him.</p><p>Johnny was walking next to her, practically giddy with the thought of getting back at the guy. She saw exactly what he wanted to do to the VDB but she was going to stick to her word and not bash his face in until his brains were spilling out like Johnny wanted.</p><p>Johnny t’sked. “Missed opportunity, V.”</p><p>As soon as Placide saw her, he jumped up from his chair, hand going for his gun.</p><p>V was faster.</p><p>She shot out both his kneecaps, one pistol for each leg, the mountain of a man tumbled to the ground in a grunting heap. She stood over him, snarling, finger off the trigger.</p><p>“Told you, you absolute shitbag. Cross me and you’d loose your knees.” She snarled as Johnny laughed wickedly.</p><p>“Get him,V!”</p><p>Another voice was louder than Johnny’s. “V!”</p><p>She looked over to the glass window at Brigette who was standing in the now-open doorway. Brigitte’s eyes flicked down to Placide then back up to V. It didn’t seem like seeing her second-in-command missing a few kneecaps bothered her.</p><p>“Why you have pulled your gun here?” Brigitte asked, crossing her arms and giving her the most unimpressed look V had ever seen.</p><p>V seethed, holstering her gun— “Bad idea V,” Johnny warned —and crossed her arms. “Your guy here tried to flatline me after I saved your life. Great way to repay me.”</p><p>Brigitte frowned at Placide who had pulled himself into a sitting position and was leaning back against his desk. She motioned V to follow her inside the room. Brigitte told someone to go take care of Placide then she was turning to look at V.</p><p>“I would not have allowed him to do that if I had known.”</p><p>“Sure,” V said with a shrug knowing that was a blatant lie, “Don’t really care Brigitte. Just want you to honor the deal and I wanna know how the hell did you, of all people, get caught by Netwatch?”</p><p>“Dexter DeShawn,” Brigitte spat his name like she’d just taken a bite out a candy bar made of shit.</p><p>“He sold the VDB out to Netwatch?” V couldn’t believe it. No way he was that gonked to sell out the Voodoo Boys out of everyone in NC.</p><p>Brigitte crossed her arms shifting side to side. “He hired a merc to steal from us. Computers. Hardware that granted them access. We managed to fend them off for a few years but they found a hole and crept into it like mice. You saw the end result.”</p><p>That information was a hell of a bomb to grapple with. So that was why DeShawn had been laying low all this time. And Netwatch had started to weaken the VDB enough that he felt it was safe to return to NC. How the hell had Rogue not known about that? It was a pretty big deal to sell out a wildcard gang as notorious and powerful as the Voodoo Boys.</p><p>V didn’t dare get any further involved in whatever the fuck the VDB and Netwatch and probably Arasaka were cooking up. She just needed to talk to Alt.</p><p>“Glad I could help you out.” Her tone was carefully neutral. Brigitte picked up on what V was really saying, it looked like she was agreeing to her own execution as she nodded her head.</p><p>“Placide told me of your agreement.” She gave V a look that was on the side of being too smug for V’s liking. Like Brigitte thought she had the upper hand because V was backed into a proverbial corner. Brigitte knew she was Red Brand and was going to try and fleece her.</p><p>V thrust her fist into her jacket pockets to hide their white knuckled fists. Rage was sitting just below the surface of her thin film of calm. It would be easy to tip over and loose control. But V knew this game. Knew how the Voodoo Boys worked and knew how unmovable Brigitte could be and how ruthless she was. V would have to match her step for step. Threat for threat.</p><p>“C’mon Brigitte,” V growled, “you sure you wan go back on your word? Saw what I did to Placide. I’m not green. We both know I can zero you and your entire group and still walk out of here. Don’t. Fuck. With. Me.”</p><p>Brigitte and her squared offf, staring at each other not willing to give ground. Then after several tense moments Brigitte nodded her head sharply.</p><p>“I will honor it. Our shared history makes me inclined to like you.”</p><p>Another lie but V would take what she could get. “And I got deshawn zeroed,” V said cheerily.</p><p>Brigitte smirked. “Yes. That as well. Now tell me, you have the relic?”</p><p>V tapped her port with her finger in answer.</p><p>“I must have access to it to see if it is still working,” Brigitte said.</p><p>V tilted her head to let the VDB leader jack into her head. She jerked back just before she could connect end flared at Brigitte.</p><p>“Don’t make me regret trusting you,” she warned. Brigitte’s lip curled but she titled her chin in acknowledgement.</p><p>It didn’t take long for Brigitte to find what she was looking for and then they packed up and headed to back to the church and down into the the VDB home base. The other netrunners were already there waiting. V followed Brigitte’s instructions, climbing into the ice bath and next thing she was falling into the net.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>—</p><p><br/>
V had to access a strong memory of Johnny’s. One that was tied to Alt Cunningham- his ex and a woman he loved and stormed Arasaka for. Twice. There was a heavy twisting in her gut when she realized that she had been desperately trying to get in contact with his old output.</p><p>V knew Johnny had been an emotionally stunted asshole but seeing him interact with Alt was hard to watch. He was an awful input and a mess of a man who was self medicating for some terrible PTSD. It made every emotion too much or too little. Burning like a bonfire or simmering like dying ashes.</p><p>She had to relive his memories of his last moments with her as if it was her own past and V knew she wouldn’t be the same after it. How could she when she felt all his emotions as if they were her own? The rage, hurt, desperation, loss, and even his muted love for Alt were all balled up together in a writhing mass that sat deep within his chest, fueling him. It was what had kept him going for ten years after her death.</p><p>V wouldn’t have been able to imagine how someone could survive living with that kind of bitter rage that but now- living with Johnny in her head -she knew first hand how someone could.</p><p>They didn’t.</p><p>They died slowly everyday until they found a way to end it either quietly or in a blaze a glory. Johnny, relentless rockerboy he was, burned the city down around him when he ended his rage.</p><p>After she emerged from reliving hours and hours of Johnny’s life, Brigitte took her deep into the net and had her cross over the Blackwall to summon Alt. The- thing- that showed up wasn’t Alt. It was an AI wearing her skin, using her voice. An imitation. There was a sharp pain in her heart that wasn’t her own.</p><p>Johnny was hurting. When he talked to Alt, he was all sarcasm and anger to hide it but there was a throbbing in the back of her chest that made her stomach ache.</p><p>V let him do the talking like he asked her to just watching him try to convince the AI that V was worth saving. Alt looked at her and V could feel the scan it did on her digitized form.</p><p>“You are the Knight of NC,” it said and V stood a bit straighter.</p><p>“How do you know who she is?” Johnny asked, hooking his thumbs in his pockets. A deliberate attempt to not fidget.</p><p>Alt ignored him. “I am familiar with your netrunner partners Bebop and Prankster.” V felt a chill run through her. “I am surprised you have come to me instead of going to them.”</p><p>“It’s complicated.” V did not want to have this conversation with whatever the hell Alt was. It was bad enough Johnny could poke around in her head all the time and gave her shit. She didn’t need to be talked down to by an AI.</p><p>“The Red Brand doesn’t prevent you from calling them. That is your own choice.” The AI’s words stabbed her like hot knives.</p><p>“Like I said,” V grunted, anger starting to deep into her veins, “it’s complicated. Drop it. Ain’t here to talk about people I haven’t called. We’re here to talk to you cause you’re our best option. Do you gonna help or what?”</p><p>Johnny came to stand net to her shoulder like he had done when Rhino jumped them at the club. “Alt, can you help us or not?”</p><p>The longer they talked to Alt the more a sour feeling settled in V’s gut. It ended up being another dead-end. Or close to one. The only thing Alt could do was kill her. Turn her into an engram like Johnny and stuff her back into her body like she was piloting a meat-suit and she needed access to Mikoshi to do it.</p><p>V had no desire to enter Mikoshi. She’d seen it and felt it’s cold dark space through Johnny’s memeories. Lived being torn to shreds and stuffed in it through his nightmare’s every few nights.</p><p>“That is what I can do for you,” Alt said, “Take me to Mikoshi and I will separate you and Johnny.” She sent V a secure data stream address. “This will let me contact you when the time comes.”</p><p>“Right…” V looked at Johnny who was pacing around. One step to the left then one step to the right. Never able to keep still. V peered up at Alt.</p><p>“Fair warning, the VDB are probably planning on crossing you. Don’t trust them.”</p><p>Alt flashed a brighter red for a split second. “I trust no one but your warning is appreciated. I will make sure they do not get what they want.”</p><p>“Hey Alt,” Johnny called, craning his neck up to look at her, “Just do us a favor and wait till we get out of dodge before you go at them, hey?”</p><p>“Very well, Johnny. But make sure you leave quickly once you return to realspace.”</p><p>“Sure thing.” He looked back at V. “Let’s delta.”</p><p>Panic crawled up V’s throat. “Uh wait a minute! I made a deal with them. They are supossed to netrun for me for a few months. Get me some info.”</p><p>Alt flashed a bright red again pulsing like a wave. “I suggest you contact your friend Bebop. I think you will find she is not scared of the Red Brand like you think she is.”</p><p>“Hold on—” V started but they were suddenly thrust out of cyberspace like being shoved through a tube of stupidly bright lights. V woke up, freezing cold and shuddering. She unhooked herself from the net and stumbled out of the tub. Brigitte was coming towards her, looking like she wanted to hold a conversation.</p><p>Johnny gllitched into view. “Gotta get out of here V. No idea what Alt’s got planned but I know we don’t wanna be here when it happens.”</p><p>V pushed past Brigitte, eyes on the exit. “Thanks for the help. Good luck!”</p><p>She dashed for the door and out into the tunnel not a moment too soon. The entire VDB mainframe started making a horrible noise like all the computers were screaming bloody murder and being tortured. V booked it out of the church, practically diving into her car and sped away leaving tire tracks behind her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Act Two: Chippin' In - Soul to Rely On</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  
  <br/>
  <i>//We all need that someone<br/>Who gets you like no one else<br/>Right when you need it the most<br/>We all need a soul to rely on<br/>A shoulder to cry on<br/>A friend through the highs and the lows//</i>
  <br/>
  <b>Alone, Pt. II- Alan Walker, Ava Max</b>
</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“It’s almost been a week, V.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny was sitting beside her, hands resting on his knees, anxiety trickling through the bond like an IV drip. “When you going to leave the bed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grumbled something- even she didn’t know what she said- and rolled onto her back, staring up at the clean ceiling. There was a churning feeling in the back of her chest. Johnny. He was really worried for her. V was kind of worried for herself too. Ever since they had gone into cyberspace and talked to Alt she’d felt off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was tired. So, so tired. The relic was eating through her and she couldn’t go a full forty-eight hours without a relic malfunction knocking her backwards. Her nose bled daily now. Vik had given her iron supplements to keep her from going anemic and a few other things she swallowed all together in a pill cocktail. Maybe it could keep her alive a bit longer. Long enough to figure out how to save them. Or to make funeral arrangements. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t just rot away in here V.” His voice was soft with concern. The smell of the ocean hit her nose, mixed with the sour of booze and musk of mildew. </span>
</p><p>
  <span><i>-The ceiling was suddenly covered in mold, the fan circling lazily above her, moving hot, searing air around her. Dirty sheets stuck to her sweat soaked skin, shirt tossed somewhere on the floor days ago. Her stomach burned from being filled with only booze for so long she couldn’t remember what she ate last. 
</i></span></p><p>
  <span><i>Her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth tasting foul in that combination of booze, vomit and not seeing the bristle side of a toothbrush in weeks. Her fingers were too heavy. Missing arm ached with phantom pain.</i></span>
</p><p><i>
  <span>Deserted and ran to a new city she didn’t know. She’d either fade away or become something. Someone. She just wasn’t sure how she was going to do that yet.-</span></i>
</p><p>
  <span>V blinked, her clean apartment ceiling fading into view. Her limbs were heavy. So damn heavy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His memories bleeding into hers had become so frequent she’d given up fighting them when they rolled over her. Johnny had gotten better at shielding her from his thoughts and emotions which helped them stay two separate people but sometimes a strong memory of his would trigger and they both were swept up into it, reliving every second of it to its end. It was why she hadn’t left her bed for days. Digging for that memory of Alt unlocked something. Made their minds twist around and braid into each other more than anything else. Finding Alt was superposed to help them but it looked like it had sped up their end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Being turned digital had recorded all his memories in perfect quality. Everything that he remembered was saved how he remembered it, regardless of if it was the truth or not. His memories were his truth and that’s how she relieved them. His memory of Alt had been crystal clear and intense. She had to watch everything. It felt like hours when in reality it had only been a few seconds. Stuck in one of the strongest memories yet. A passenger on a ride she desperately wished she could get off of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny had loved Alt. Twenty-four years young and loved Alt with a fire that was so similar to his passion for music and his hatred for corpo’s that he didn’t realize it was love until she died. He had loved Rogue too but it was different. Alt pulled on a part of his heart that Rouge wasn’t able to reach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>V had watched them fuck in the bands’ dressing room. Johnny loved the way he looked at her. Liked watching them together in the mirrors and seeing how she moved for him. Only him. Then Alt had told him they were over. That she’d only come by for one last round before she ghosted him. She wanted to say her piece.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When V heard Alt tell him he wasn’t a real rockerboy, she knew where some of his deepest wounds came from and what he’d been thinking about the first time she let him take control of her limbs to play guitar. It had been horrible to watch. The feedback of his emotions was raw and unfiltered. She felt what he felt in that moment. Knew how bad it hurt him. He may have deserved it, terrible input he was, but she couldn’t wave off the sting that he carried in him since then. The one she still felt when the bleed got strong and he couldn’t hide from her. Then Alt died and her death unhinged him. He’d lost one more thing to the corpo’s and then he had an actual target to take out and years later he would storm Arasaka Tower and blow it up in a desperate bid to get her back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meeting Alt— the A.I. Alt —was decidedly not fun. V hated the cold way she talked and how callous she was. There was nothing human left in her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After she got to her house, she locked the front door and went straight to her room and didn’t leave the house again. She ordered take-out, too tired to cook anything. She moved from the bed to the couch and back to the bed. Didn’t watch or listen to anything. Just slept or stared off into space.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was tired. Why was she so tired? She hated herself so much. Couldn’t do a damn thing without her network. A useless merc who thought she was better than she was. Johnny had been right all that time ago. She was useless. Useless like rum and Nicola.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whoa V, where’s this coming from?” Johnny asked, putting a hand on her arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Said it yourself,” she muttered, tears welling up behind her squeezed eyelids. “Useless.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her holo pinged. The message displayed before she could dismiss it. Probably Johnny messing with it so he could read it. He’d started to be able to control some of her implants so it wasn’t a stretch that he got access to her holo now. She heard him grumbling about Goro.</span>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Frm: Goro</span>
</p><p>
  <span>// V. Your ripperdoc was very helpful. I am back to full capacity once again. I still plan on attempting to speak with Hanako-sama. I hope you reconsider your decision. I could use your help. //</span>
</p><p>
  <span>// I understand if you are unable to. You have done a great deal for me. //</span>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <span>She was glad he was okay now but it was…disappointing Goro was still going to try and talk to Hanako. He would probably die trying. She wished he’d just walk away. Save himself. </span>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <span>To: Goro</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//can’t help anymore. I don’t trust arasaka and you shouldn’t either //</span>
</p><p>
  <span>// if you survive your plan, hit me up //</span>
</p><p>
  <span>// good luck//</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Frm: Goro</span>
</p><p>
  <span>// I appreciate your concern. Good luck to you as well. May fortune smile on both of us. //</span>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <span>She went back to staring at the ceiling still feeling so, so tired. Maybe she should risk it. Contact Bebop like Alt said. She needed more leads. Needed something else. Someone to help her because she was useless and couldn’t do it without someone. She sent the message before she could reconsider.</span>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <span>To: Bebop</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//I’m sorry. I’m putting you in danger.//</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//But I need help.//</span>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <span>From: service</span>
</p><p>
  <span>//Message could not be delivered. ERROR CODE: 505//</span>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Ice pooled in her veins, creeping along and freezing her. Dread. Icy dread consumed her. Fear. She hadn’t felt fear since the war. War? No. She hadn’t been a solider. Memories flashed through her brain. Johnny. He had been the soldier. She had been the street kid who was afraid of gangers and turned that into anger and determination. Hadn’t let it consume her like Johnny had let his. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>V curled into herself and sobbed. Error 505- a death sentence. Meant her number was blocked to anyone in the official merc network. Anyone who could actually help her. The Red Brand was erasing her. Blocking her number, email- everything. Isolating her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was out of options. Back against the wall watching her entire world crumble around her. Everything she’d worked for. She’d been so confident she could fix this without anyone else’s help.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t. Maybe she never could. Maybe she didn’t deserve to be the Knight. Everything she built, her legacy- her legend- was built on her ability to need no one else but the people she wanted to work with. She didn’t have to crawl to anyone. Beg anyone for the time of day. Never. Never. Worked too hard and now she couldn’t even send a text.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She cried herself hoarse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a long time, Johnny put his hand on her back, a solid weight. “C’mon, V,” He said gently, “You need a shower.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I?” she muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll feel better,” he prodded. The thought of hot water on her skin sounded heavenly. But she was still too tired. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything had been too much. That whole fiasco with the Voodoo Boys and then cyberspace and Alt. It affected her deeper than anything else had in a long time. Reliving Johnny’s memory had done something to her just like she knew it would. She was loosing the line between where she stopped and Johnny began. Fading away in her own brain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t Johnny. I’m so tired.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny was quiet. Then her skin started to buzz as Johnny took control of her limbs. She didn’t protest and he didn’t comment. He just helped her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hobbled them on shaky legs to her bathroom. He peeled her disgusting pajamas off her and turned on the hot shower. She floated, letting him do whatever he needed to do to get them feeling human again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He washed their hair and body with a gentle, professional touch, using every product they always used and going through their nightly routine. He even decided to take a little extra time and use the body lotion she had bought the other day and on their legs and arms, leaving them smelling like milk and honey. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He dried them off with one of the fluffiest towels she had and wrapped them up in their robe. He picked out a set of pajamas- her favorite ones - and dressed them with the same gentleness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She knew he had been this gentle with Alt when things had been at its best between them. Saw that he used to hold her hand, laying side by side in the afterglow. Flesh hand twined with hers and the other holding a cigarette. He could be gentle. He wanted to be when the person was worth it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny's control retreated from her limbs when they were safely back in bed and under the warm covers. She huddled under her nest of blankets, a relaxed tiredness settling into her bones. Johnny glitched into the bed next to her, leaning against the headboard with his guitar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>V fell asleep to him playing songs she knew he hadn’t played for anyone else, his soft humming her personal lullaby.</span>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <span>First thing she did when she woke up was send for a take-out order of pancakes and eggs for breakfast. Johnny materialized on the bed, leaning against her headboard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have a craving?” he asked with a smirk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She eyes him suspiciously. “Yeah. Why? Is it your craving?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Been wanting pancakes for weeks now. You’re just finally able to tell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She giggled, her chest feeling lighter than it had in way too long. “Lucky you then. Food should be here in an hour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Preem. Think they have blueberry syrup? Wonder if it’s still made. Last time I had pancakes was with Kerry after a show in—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her brain seized, sending knives through her skull. “Agh! Shit!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rolled to her side and coughed, hacking up blood into her hands. Johnny hovered over her, his hands tingling her skin where he was touching her. He got more torn up over her attacks every time. His guilt had started slow and was barely there at first then with each passing attack, watching himself slowly kill her, the guilt was becoming louder. Tangible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gulped her breaths like a fish out of water till the pain faded into a scratchy burn in her throat. Numb, she wiped the blood off on her sheets, rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. She tilted her head to look at Johnny. His aviators were gone. His face was pinched in worry. She gave a small smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not planning on rotting in here for much longer,” she reassured him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You feel better after that shower and sleeping?” he asked the floor, flesh thumb rubbing his metal arm. Hugging himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hummed. “Need some food then we’ll figure out the next step.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny looked like he was going to say something but her holo buzzed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Panam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>V picked it up after the first ring.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Panam. What can I do for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once she pulled her ass out of bed and pulled on some pants, V ended up helping Panam rescue Saul. He’d gotten himself captured by some Raffen’s and was half dead by the time she’d crept into their fortified base and snuck him back out. They’d gotten caught up in a sandstorm and had to take refuge for the night in some abandoned farmhouse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Panam and Saul had taken the rooms and she slept on the couch. Or tried to. Her mind kept going around in a circle. Reminding her that all her leads turned to water in her hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She heard movement from the rooms and sat up, hand on her pistol, alert. Saul came out from the hallway, halting when he saw her awake. His deep chuckle rumbled through the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re still just as paranoid huh?” he teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>V blushed, sticking her pistol back into its holster on her side. “It’s a good habit to have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very true.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Saul came over to sit on the couch and V shuffled to make room for him to sit on the couch and he pulled her legs into his lap. She didn’t mind. His warm hand in her thigh was comforting. Solid. Real. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The spot at the base of her skull burned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Saul said, rubbing circles into her skin. “You didn’t have to help Panam.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Told her to call if she needed anything. Didn’t expect that you’d get yourself in such a bad spot though.” She side-eyed him. “How did you end up like that anyways?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Saul sighed. “Made a bad call. Got ambushed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thought you were too cautious for that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Used to be reckless. Had to make a choice and made the less-wise one. Paid for it too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhm. Used to be more like Panam?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gave her a sour look. “Meaning?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A hothead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He barked out a surprised laugh. “Ha! Yeah, that’s Panam all right. Damn smart woman though. Didn’t think she’d be the one mounting the rescue.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t expect her to come for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He went quiet, staring off into the room not seeing anything, rubbing her leg mindlessly. “Didn’t think she cared that much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>V hummed. “Girl seems to think the world of you. Was pretty frantic when she called me. And you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at her, hand stilling on the spot just above her knee. His fingers rubbed a line into her skin. “And I, what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just seem to have a soft-spot for her. Like a daughter you never had.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “Guess that’s as close to the truth as it can be.” Saul glanced at her from beneath half-hooded eyes, deep brown eyes warm with his smile. “Thanks for watching out for her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled. The spot at the base of her skull got tingly. “‘Course, Saul. She seems like good people. And she’s one of yours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That the criteria to have the personal protection of the Knight? One of my people?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She grinned. “Just gotta be my friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm,” he huffed, amused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Saul tapped her leg, waiting till she looked back at him. “Want to explain how you got a Red Brand on you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed softly but explained the situation, leaving out Johnny, the relic and dying the first time, but going over everything else that happened. When she finished they lapsed back into silence while Saul mulled over her story.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you’re family now V. If you need anything, call,” he said. V’s face must have been comical because he laughed and squeezed her leg again. “You risked your neck to save me. Helped Panam. Mitch told me what you did for her with the Raffen. Think you earned a spot in the family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…thank you,” she whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re good people, V. Red Brand be damned. You can count on the Aldecado’s. Count on me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was quiet for a little while. Long enough that they settled into a silent companionship. Long enough that Johnny appeared in the room laying full length on the couch across from them, arms behind his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m going to head back to bed,” Saul said and V moved her legs so he could stand. He looked down at her, warm brown eyes inviting. “Want to join me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>V swallowed. Snippets of memories with Saul flashed through her mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><i> -calloused hands gripping her sensitive nipples - his course beard rasping against her inner thigh - bruises in the form of hands on her hips - deep purple spots marking her all over in places she only saw naked- out of breath in the best ways- loving the way her name sounded in his voice-</i></span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was sour feeling from the bond. Her eyes flicked to Johnny who stiffened as if he could feel her looking at him. Probably could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled sadly up at Saul. “Actually feeling pretty tired, tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Disappointment bloomed in his warm eyes but he nodded his head with an understanding smile. “Then I’ll see you in the morning, V. Night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat on the couch for a while after she heard the door click shut, staring down at her hands. She flexed them a few times. Studied the metal joints marking where her mantis blades lay hidden underneath her realskinn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t have to do that V. You can fuck who you wanna fuck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t like knowing you’re watching,” she muttered. “I share damn near everything else with you. Maybe I just want to keep that for myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He snorted. “Sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Sides,” she said as she laid down on the ratty couch, “it’s not fair to Saul. Not sure he’d appreciate having someone join without him knowing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What makes you think he wouldn’t be interested in it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wasn’t about to ask him, Johnny. Goodnight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Could still ask him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. Night. Johnny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t tell him she was afraid Saul’s name wasn’t going to be the one she was crying out. Wasn’t Saul she wanted touching her. Marking her. When had there been such a shift in her feelings towards Johnny? After Alt? Feeling everything he felt emotionally and physically? Living in his skin?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After seeing him at rock-bottom and recognizing herself in the young him? Someone so lost and unable to face his demons that he drown himself in other kinds of pain to distract from the bleeding wound that never healed? When her parents were no longer there she had turned to Vik and Raul. They helped her heal. Taught her how to not loose herself to the chaos in her brain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seeing Johnny like that…chaos incarnate and driving himself straight into hell, was horrible. She had got sucked into him like everyone else in his life but unlike all the times before, he couldn’t get away from her. Stuck with her twenty-four-seven and unable to loose himself in his shit coping mechanisms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>V wondered how much of her feelings towards Johnny was her own. She had to believe it was hers and hers alone. Anything else…liking him because she was turning into him, becoming an echo chamber for him, was too terrifying.</span>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The next day Johnny wanted to take her somewhere so after they said their seeya’s to Saul and Panam, they drove from the nomad camp to Pacifica. He road shotgun like he’d taken a habit to doing whenever she drove her car and not the bike. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pull in here,” Johnny indicated to a dilapidated hotel. She pulled into the parking lot and leaned out the window to get a better view of the building. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’re we doing here?” she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glitched out of the passenger seat and next to her door. Jabbing a thumb over his shoulder he said, “Show you when you get out of the damn car.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She huffed and rolled her eyes but got out of the car. “Got anything you want to get off your chest grumpy?” she teased, following him as he glitched to the stand on the first set of stairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her vision went white and her brain caught fire.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Agh! Shit!” She screamed, collapsing to her knees. She convulsed in pain, rolling onto her back as she jerked like a wounded animal. Johnny glitched in front of her kneeling down to grab her wrists.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh! Johnny!” she begged not to clear what she was begging for him to do. She was dying. She could feel her brain seizing up. Collapsing on itself, giving up to Johnny’s engram.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not dying yet V,” he said as her vision went dark, “I got you.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It was night when she woke up back in the backseat of her car. The doors were locked and the car was hidden inside an empty car garage. Away from anyone who might have wanted to jump her. Johnny was sitting in the passenger seat looking over her with naked eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Scared me there,” he said. She groaned as she sat up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel like shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “You’ve been out a few hours. Not surprised you're feeling like crap.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She steadied herself leaning on the front seats till the dizziness passed. When she could, she glanced back up at him. “What did you want to show me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure you’re feeling okay? That one was-” he cut himself off with a harsh breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, V,” he breathed out, running a hand through his long hair. She could feel his fear trembling the bond. Making her own heart waver with the heaviness of it. “Thought that was it. That you’d stay out cold and I’d end up being the one left in the meat-suite. Alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She inhaled and glanced away. There was a soft grip on her chin then Johnny tilted her head back so she could look him in the eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Got a sharp something by your heart, V. I’m worried for ya’.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gripped his hand, giving it a squeeze. Trying to reassure him. “Not sure that’s ever going away.” She smiled at him, looking into his worried honey-eyes. No aviators. He never had them on when he was worried. He frowned softly, his thumb rubbing her cheek gently, soft like he’d been with Alt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She closed her eyes, basking in the feeling for a selfish moment before she opened her eyes and broke the spell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Show me what you wanted me to see?” she asked. He nodded, still frowning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had her follow him to a little room way in the back of the fourth floor.  She had to crawl through the window over glass and filth to get inside. He pointed out a hidey -hole. Told her to empty it. Inside was an old pair of dog tags.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“These yours?” She asked looking at the worn down imprint. She couldn’t read it very well but she saw the information on them through Johnny’s memory. “Huh. The Mexican conflict?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhm. Belonged to the guy that saved my life. Stayed here after the Aldecado’s dropped me off in NC. Stared at the ceiling fan for weeks before I got myself moving again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The image of the dirty hotel room she had seen in his memory came back to her and she looked around the room. It looked almost exactly the same as back then, over sixty years ago. Night City really never changed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never does,” Johnny said as he pulled a chair over and straddled it, crossing his arms over the backrest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were really lost back then,” she murmured. Her thumb rubbed against the smooth metal of the faded name. Someone else had decided Johnny was worth giving their life for. Jumped on him during a firefight after the rest of the squad had been gunned down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span><i>-Blood splattered on his face and got in his eyes and mouth. Copper tasting and sweet. Why was blood sweet? The gunfire stopped as quickly as it started and he could hear the enemy heading away from him. She shoved her dead friend off her, almost not able to do it with only one arm. Her left arm was scattered across the field. She managed to tie her friends belt around her bleeding arm. There was just enough of a stump left to keep the belt on but it was a struggle to do it with only her non-dominant hand and teeth. </i></span></p><p>
  <span><i>And the blood. So much blood. Hers and not hers. She used her rifle as a crutch and pushed to her feet. Then knelt back down next to her friend. Dug around his pockets. Found the half empty pack of cigarettes and stumbled back up onto her feet. Stuffed the pack into her pocket and started walking towards the medic she could hear calling out to survivors.  She knew she’d finish that pack before the morning.--</i></span>
</p><p>
  <span>V breathed deep, shaking off the remaining fringes of the memory. Johnny was silent, face looking away from her, eyes hidden behind his red shields. His sorrow and fear and anger bled through the bond. Each time he relieved a memory every old wound ripped open and bled for days afterwards. The relic was taking a toll on both of them. Demanding so much of them and killing them both in different ways.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cleared his throat. A harsh sound in the silence. “The tags. They’re yours now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She slid the chain over her head. The metal was heavy against her skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny finally looked at her. “Imagine we’re deployed together in a war. Fighting side by side. Would you take a bullet for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would.” No hesitation. Didn’t even need to think about it. When Rhino showed up Johnny had been ready to back her up and they hadn’t been on the best of terms. Weeks on they were closer and she’d back him up. Even to the death. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He licked his lips. Rolled his shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wanna be clear that I will do you no wrong.” His conviction was so strong it knocked the air out of her lungs. “If it comes down to it, it’s my life for yours. I’ll agree to get wiped. Tags are proof of my promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked down at the tags resting against her skin. She’d already made up her mind to save him. Save them both. She clenched a fist around the tags. “If it comes down to it, I’ll do the same. My body will be yours if that’s the only way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny looked frustrated. “V…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My body, my decision right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a deep breath and steeled herself. “And I think it’s time to talk to Rogue.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That got every ounce of his attention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” he asked then he squinted suspiciously. “After all this time, why now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She fiddled with the tags. “We’re out of options. Said yourself, that last one almost flatlined me”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“…alright,” he said after a moment. “But I got a favor to ask you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adam Smasher,” he grit out through his teeth and rage lit up in the back of her chest. “The bastard that go the best of me. I want him zeroed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t even hesitate before agreeing. She had lived his last moments alive. Watched Smasher beat Johnny to hell and back. Shot off his silver arm. She’d felt Johnny’s rage and then the fear and then the terror when he realized he wasn’t getting out of that tower alive. Arasaka was his tomb and Smasher was the one who put him there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny nodded, pleased smile on his face. He leaned against the wall and took a drag from his cigarette. “Well Alright then. And take Rogue with you. She’ll want to be there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That made V pause. “You think she’s that sentimental? You saw her yourself. She’s changed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right that she’s a bitter bitch nowadays. But that’s why it’ll be me talking to her.” Johnny leaned against the wall by the window. “Just need to talk to her for a bit. Jog her memory about Smasher. Then after, you can talk to her about your little network problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” she agreed and her stomach burst into butterflies at the genuine smile that lit up his face. That heady, drug-like excitement flooded her veins. Her dose of Silverhand more potent then any street drug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Preciate it, thanks.” He was like the sun, his emotions burning bright in her soul and blinding her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her smile dropped as a thought occurred to her. “What about a lead? We got anything we can give her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thinking about it. Not sure. Gonna have to look for one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe she can dig something up?” V asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny glitched so he was sitting next to her with his back against the wall. “Or I can look.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>V raised a brow. “Got any idea where to start?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah. Gotta ask around. Find someone that might lead us there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could do it? Then we talk to Rogue?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny gave her a look and a sour feeling curl in her gut. She fiddled with his tags. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rather do it myself. My revenge and all,” he said. He wanted to run the show. Do his own legwork. Go on the hunt for the bastard that killed him and put him in the hands of Arasaka. She understood him because she would do the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Problem?” he asked sounding like he was genuinely curious about her hesitation. Being patient with her in a way she couldn’t have imagined a few months ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. No problem.” She shook her head, holding her hand out to him. “Just thinking that I understand why.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took her hand and she laced their fingers together and gave a single shake. A solid promise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just don’t get us flatlined hey?” she joked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny chuckled. “After all the shit we’ve been through? Not gonna get us killed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And maybe don’t fuck up my body? Don’t go too wild. Know you’ve been feeling trapped but don’t wanna wake up in a dumpster.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny snorted taking his hand back. V felt emptier for it. “Can’t get wasted with your liver anyways. You made sure drugs burn fast.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t be getting taken out by some gonk with a needle. What kind of top dog merc would I be then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny hummed. “Pretty smart. Remember seein’ a time where it saved you from being zeroed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gotta stay one step ahead. Speaking of- what’s your plan?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gonna start at the Afterlife,” Johnny glitched to stand by the door. The cue that he wanted to leave. “See where it takes me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” V got up and headed to the door. “Let’s get you to the Afterlife then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The wicked grin he gave her made her heart flutter and her stomach flip. Her dose of Silverhand.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Act Two: Chippin' In - Heroin(e)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  
  <br/>
  <i>//You tried to make me takе your pain away<br/>You tried enlisting me to be your saving grace<br/>I'm not responsible for your mistakes<br/>There's nothing I can do and you're to blame<br/>I can't save you, no<br/>I can't change you now<br/>Save your own skin<br/>I'm not your heroine<br/>I can't save you<br/>Now break these chains yourself<br/>Save your own skin<br/>I'm not your heroine//</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  <b>Heroin(e) Eva under fire</b></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The moments of clarity were spread out over the night. It seemed that she caught glimpses of what he was doing a few minutes before he popped another pill to stay in the drivers seat. Washing the pills that kept him in control with alcohol like it was water. Her synth-liver had done its job though keeping up and keeping him from becoming black-out drunk.</p><p><br/>
V could remember snatches of the night. Johnny’s hunt for revenge. He found a lead and chased it down like a man possessed. Single minded in his pursuit. In a few hours he’d managed to track down an actual, solid lead to find Smasher. V was impressed. She could see how he’d been a legend fifty years ago. The man was street smart and charismatic and able to make people dance to his tune with almost no effort.</p><p><br/>
He did whatever he wanted, taking her body for a joyride. She had figured he would go wild when he got behind the wheel. She knew what kind of man he was. Feeling trapped for months and then setting a stir-crazy Johnny Silverhand into Night City? She hadn’t expect anything less than to wake up feeling like shit.</p><p><br/>
She moaned as she turned on her side. Her stomach flipped.</p><p><br/>
“God I feel terrible,” she groaned.<br/>

“You look it too.” Rogue’s voice came from somewhere to the side of her.</p><p><br/>
V cracked her eyes open and saw the Queen of the Afterlife straddling a chair, arms hanging over the back, studying her and V wanted to go back to being blacked out. This was not how she imagined this conversation going. She thought maybe she would have had a bit more dignity.</p><p><br/>
V sat up slowly. There was a glass of water on the broken bedside table. Looked fresh. She wasn’t sure she should risk it though. Johnny wasn’t anywhere to be seen.</p><p><br/>
“Waters for you,” Rogue said, “I brought it with me. Figured you’d need it after a night with Johnny.”</p><p><br/>
V picked up the water glass and took a few sips. “Thanks,” she said eventually.</p><p>“So, Johnny tell you everything?”</p><p><br/>
Rogue tapped her fingers against the back of the chair. “Mhm. He called me early this morning. At first I thought it was a joke. You calling me? Never thought it would happen. Almost hung up on him. Then he told me something only he and I knew. Decided I had to come see it for myself. And what did I find when I got here? I found Johnny Silverhand.”</p><p><br/>
V cracked a grin hiding behind the rim of her glass. “Surprise.”</p><p><br/>
Rogue gave her a withering look. “Sure. One hell of a surprise, V.”</p><p><br/>
First name basis’ was not something V thought she’d ever be on with Rogue. Never heard her call her anything other than Knight. It was jarring.</p><p><br/>
V switched subjects. “He tell you why he needed you?”</p><p><br/>
“Smasher.” It was said with such venom a snake would have died from hearing her. Rogue got up and began pacing. “I didn’t even know he was in town.”</p><p><br/>
“Johnny got you that lead,” V pointed out, “Ebunike? Know what that is?”<br/>
“Not yet but I’ll find out.”</p><p><br/>
V nodded and took a sip of water and asked Johnny in her head, “Did you tell her I needed to talk to her?”</p><p><br/>
Johnny appeared by the table and hopped up on it, leaning against the wall. “Left that honor to you.”</p><p><br/>
She rolled her eyes. “Great. Thanks.”</p><p><br/>
“You wanted me to tell you about something you’ve been too scared to do for months?”</p><p><br/>
“Suppose not.”</p><p><br/>
“You’re welcome, V.”</p><p><br/>
“Prick.”</p><p>“Cunt.” Said with no heat behind it.</p><p><br/>
V shook her head fondly then looked at Rogue who was watching her with a curious expression. Waiting.</p><p><br/>
“Rogue, I need access to my network,” she stated. No fanfare. Just the blunt truth.</p><p><br/>
Rogue sighed, deep and heavy with a weight that told V all she needed to know.</p><p><br/>
“V, I get that you’re in a bad spot—“ V scoffed at the understatement —“But I can’t help you. You know the score. Whole team dead and your fixer? That’s not something you can come back from easily.”</p><p><br/>
“Right,” V agreed because she wasn’t a gonk and knew how it would look which was why she had put this conversation off for as long as possible. She tried her first option: good old fashion emotional manipulation. “But what about Johnny?”<br/>
Rogue’s face went carefully blank. She crossed her arms in a defensive pose.</p><p>“What about Johnny?”</p><p><br/>
“I need access to my network to help him just as much as I need it to help me.” V wished she could get up and pace. Move around. Work out her jitters but her legs couldn’t support her.</p><p><br/>
“Can’t do it on our own?” Rogue asked in a tone that made V’s gut clenched in anger.</p><p><br/>
“Think I haven’t tried?” V snapped, “the fuck you think I’ve been doing these past months? You know how a Red Brand works. I won’t do that to my people. Won’t put a target on their backs.”</p><p><br/>
V left out that someone had blocked her number worldwide isolating her like a criminal. Which she sort of was but her number shouldn’t have been cut off. It was meant as rope to hang herself and someone thought it was better to keep her from contacting anyone than letter her dig her grave deeper.</p><p><br/>
Rogue made an unimpressed face. V tried to calm herself down, taking another sip of water. Johnny was silent, watching the two of them with a carefully blank expression. Eyes hidden behind his aviators.</p><p><br/>
“You got your fixer killed, V.” Rogue reiterated as she moved to straddle the chair again. “Even if it’s not true that’s what everyone has chosen to believe.” She shook her head firmly- like the swing of a blade. “Red Brand stays. I’m sorry.”<br/>
<br/>

V’s heart plummeted into her guts. Rogue was really going to leave her out to dry like this. She was so comfortable in her throne, high above the mortals of her city and bulldog determined not to taint her flawless reputation that she was sentencing V to another execution.</p><p><br/>
V fixed Rogue with a glare, stopping just short of snarling at the woman. The fixer met her eyes without flinching but she’d gone stiff. Stiff like someone who knew they’d said just one messed up thing too many and was readying for a fight.</p><p><br/>
On the edge of her vision, V could see Johnny freeze in his spot on top of the table. V’s unfiltered rage at Rogue set the bond on fire, burning them both up in an inferno. He was watching her, eyes on her like a moth to a neon light. He wasn’t watching Rogue. Not his old Queen. V commanded his complete attention and damn if that wasn’t the most intoxicating feeling in the world.</p><p><br/>
“Don’t fuckin’ patronize me, Rogue. We both know you can snap your fingers and get me off the list. You really think I was the one who fucked it up? You’re the Queen of Fixers,” V sneered, “Shouldn’t you have known one of your court was dirty?”</p><p><br/>
Rogue narrowed her eyes. “What?”</p><p><br/>
“DeShawn,” V snarled and she wished she could get up and pace, “Tryin’ to shove this fuck up on me? You’re the one who let the dicktip back into the scene. We set up the job in you’re fuckin’ bed. DeShawn pissed in your pool, Rogue, not mine.”</p><p><br/>
V was sick with anger. If Rogue, a fucking corpo sellout, thought she could take everything V had clawed and killed and bled for right from her hands with an upturned nose and sniff like her own shit didn’t stink, V would rain hell down on her.</p><p><br/>
Rogue rolled her eyes with a sneer. “You’re fuck up is my fault? You sure that’s not Johnny talking? Sounds a lot like him.”</p><p><br/>
V shot to her feet, adrenaline pumping Rogue reeled back as V was suddenly inches from her. Rogue took one, two steps back before she caught herself, stopped her retreat, and squared her shoulders glaring hard at V, trying to claw some sort of dominance out of the situation. V curled her lip in a wicked smirk, a sense of satisfaction striking flint in her chest. Rogue wasn’t a merc anymore. V was the top dog for a good reason- she was the best. The Queen couldn’t hold a candle to the Knight if it came down to physical skill and Rogue knew it.</p><p><br/>
After a few tense moments, V backed off, moving out of Rogue’s space, and took a seat back on the filthy bed. Rogue stared her down.</p><p><br/>
V gave her a wicked smile. “This is all me. I can be just as ruthless as you are, your Highness.” She was surprised Johnny was still quiet. She thought he likes catfights. V clenched her fists to keep her from punching something. “You gonna try and tell me you didn’t know DeShawn was running from half of Pacifica?”</p><p>Rogue actually looked surprised. Genuinely shocked. It was quickly covered up with a mask of indifference but her toe started tapping.</p><p><br/>
“What’s your point?” Rogue grit out.</p><p><br/>
“My point is that you allowed a fuckin’ tainted, gonked fixer to work outta th’ Afterlife. Let him hire a crew. Let him hire me.”</p><p><br/>
Rogue laughed, a bitter rough sound. “That’s what this is about? That you got in trouble and now you’re looking to blame anyone but yourself?”</p><p><br/>
“Cut the shit Rogue,” V roared and Rogue flinched. “DeShawn should of never been workin’ back in NC. Not with Pacifica gunning for him. Liability. You know why they had such a hard-on for him? What he fuckin’ did? How the fuck didn’t you know?”</p><p><br/>
Rogue was silent. She couldn’t respond because she was damned either way. She either admitted to not knowing what DeShawn had done to get himself on a shit-list a mile long or she admitted to letting a corrupted fixer work out of the Afterlife. Her kingdom- teetering on the edge of a cliff and V was the one who could shove it over.</p><p><br/>
V stood shaking, rage boiling over. She needed to calm down. Needed to have an adult conversation. She fucking hated Rogue’s guts right then but she didn’t want to ruin her. She had a goal. A reason for talking to her. When had she become such a ticking time bomb? Was this her or Johnny?</p><p><br/>
V took a deep shuddering breath. “I don’t want to fight you Rogue. Just want to save me and Johnny.”</p><p><br/>
Rogue didn’t look at her. “Don’t want to fight you either V. We’ve stayed outta each other's way for years, no reason to clash now. And you’re right. If Dex is the one who fucked up, you don’t deserve to take the fall.” She made a ‘go-ahead’ gesture. “Tell me what happened.”</p><p><br/>
V swallowed hard. “He killed that kid, Vincent, in cold blood.” Rogue sucked in a breath and if V didn’t have the implant she wouldn’t have heard it. She’d heard somewhere Rogue had a son around Vincent’s age. “Shot him in the head like a fuckin’ animal. Then he shot me. I woke up in the junkyard. The fuckin’ junkyard, Rogue! I went back for Vincent and buried him ‘cause god knows no one else would have.”</p><p><br/>
She glared down at her clasped hands. White-knuckled between her knees to keep them from shaking. From anger or sorrow she couldn’t tell. DeShawn should have helped them lay low. Get new identities. Fix the mess. That was his fucking job. That was the whole reason mercs worked with fixers. Insurance.</p><p><br/>
“I didn’t know,” Rogue said softly and V’s head snapped up so quick she felt the sting on her hair as it slapped her back with force. Rogue gave her a look. “I’m not omnipresent despite what people say. After the heist, Dex went off grid. Didn’t even know he was dead till someone tried to locate him and saw he was flatline. Do you have proof?”</p><p><br/>
V raised a brow. “That he zeroed Vincent and tried to zero me?”</p><p><br/>
“Yes.”</p><p><br/>
“I think - I think I got a recording of it. Probably corrupted though.”</p><p><br/>
Rogue pulled a shard out from her pocket and handed it to V. “Transfer it.”</p><p><br/>
V slotted the shard in and copied the buggy recording over. It was slices and bits and more static than substance but DeShawn’s voice could be clearly heard over the corrupted video. Glimpsed of DeShawn could bec caught standing over her.</p><p><br/>
<em>“—seems like I’ve chosen the quiet life after all. No blaze o’ glory for me.”</em>
</p><p><br/>
She flinched when the gunshot went off. Relieved her death first hand.</p><p><br/>
“Damn, V. Knew he fucked you over but this?” Johnny shook his head. “Just fuckin’ pathetic.”</p><p><br/>
“Him or me?” She croaked out. Even her inner voice sounded beat to hell.</p><p><br/>
Johnny looked at her, his honey-brown eyes hidden behind his aviators. “Him, V. Definitely him.”</p><p><br/>
She handed Rogue the shard without a word. If her inner voice sounded that way her outer voice was going to be worse. Rogue watched the recording in tense silence. When it finished she didn’t say anything for a long while. V was fine with that. She didn’t know when she’d be able to talk around the lump in her throat.</p><p><br/>
Johnny smoked through an entire digital cigarette before Rogue finally moved. She got up and poured herself two fingers of tequila from a half open bottle. V had no idea where it had come from.</p><p><br/>
“Brought it with me last night,” Johnny supplied helpfully.</p><p><br/>
“ To continue the after party no doubt,” she joked.</p><p><br/>
“Relax V. You got that fancy synth-liver. Couldn’t get properly wasted anyways.”<br/>

She smirked, amused. “Couldn’t figure out how to change its settings?”</p><p><br/>
He didn’t dignify her with a response. She forgot sometimes that he was from fifty years ago and had used only the most basic of eye implants back then. He didn’t have the first clue on how to worn the fancier stuff. Might not even be able to get her mantis blades to work. Trying to adjust something like her synth-liver was way beyond him.</p><p>
  <em>-He didn’t like admitting that he was out of his depth in this future. Without her help— If he’d come back to life in a real body and not in her head, he probably would have been too lost to function. So out of his element he might as well have been on Mars.-</em>
</p><p>He kept his face turned away from her, already feeling vulnerable enough with her having easy access to his emotions and thoughts now. The line between them blurred everyday and sometimes neither of them knew who’s thoughts belonged to who anymore.</p><p><br/>
She shook him off, trying to bring herself back into her own head. What had she been thinking about? Right. How terrible she felt and the tequila he’d brought back. The bottle Rogue had just poured herself another two fingers from. V wasn’t hungover. Her liver managed to keep ahead of Johnny’s enthusiasm, keeping the worst of the effects from hitting her hard. It was probably the combination of the pills and the drink that had made her feel so awful.<br/>
Rogue refilled V’s glass with Realwater and straddled her chair again. She gestured to the glass in V’s hand.</p><p>“Drink.”</p><p><br/>
V stared at the glass not sure she wanted anymore liquid in her stomach that she may just throw back up.</p><p><br/>
“Drink V,” Johnny encouraged.</p><p><br/>
With effort, she picked up the glass and took a gulp. The water cooled her throat. Rogue and her worked through their drinks in heavy silence.</p><p><br/>
“You need to get out of town?” Rogue broke the silence. V felt Johnny warm a little at the concern in her voice. He missed that. The way Rogue’s voice went soft when she was worried about him.<br/>
V cleared her throat, immediately regretting it as pain scratched against the acid-burned muscles. She took a sip of water.</p><p><br/>
“No. They don’t care about me now.” Rogue raised a brow in question but V shrugged it off. “’Sakas’ got bigger problems now then a merc.” She stared into the trembling water of her glass. “I just need my network back Rogue. I can do the rest myself. Save both Johnny and me. promised him I would.”</p><p><br/>
After a heavy moment Rogue said “I’ll clear the brand.”</p><p><br/>
“Full and clear?” V had to double check. No surprises. She’d had enough of them for her lifetime.</p><p><br/>
“Full and clear,” Rogue confirmed. “I’ll make sure the right people know.”</p><p><br/>
“How soon?” V held her breath instinctively. Bad habit of hers.</p><p><br/>
Rogue looked grim and determined. “In twenty-four hours no one will speak Dexter DeShawn’s name.”</p><p><br/>
The breath in her lungs rushed out of her. For the first time in weeks the tension in her chest eased just a bit. “Preem Rogue. Thanks.”</p><p><br/>
“It’s the right thing to do,” Rogue said simply but there was a heaviness to her tone. V drank her water feeling like Rogue wasn’t done and needed a second to sort out her thoughts. She didn’t feel like filling the silence. “And I owe you.”</p><p><br/>
V choked on her water. She spluttered, coughing for a good few minutes until she could look at Rogue through her cough-tears. “What?”</p><p><br/>
In all the years V had avoided Rogue, she had never seen the woman be anything but an apathetic, cold hearted bitch. The Queen of Fixers was above everyone else but now she was unable to meet V’s eyes.</p><p><br/>
“I fucked you over V and never owned up to it. I was young and made a mistake and didn’t want to take the fall. So yeah.” Rogue met V’s incredulous gaze. “I owe you.”</p><p><br/>
V blinked, stunned to silence. That was…not at all what she ever thought she would hear. It was the closest thing to an apology she had ever heard from Rogue. She wasn’t about to waste it.</p><p><br/>
“Okay,” V said with a slow nod. “Thanks then. ‘Preciate it. And what about Smasher?”</p><p><br/>
Rogue hummed thoughtfully, eagerly jumping on the subject change. “Ebunike. It’s not much but I’ll find it.” She got up from her chair and headed to the door. “I’ll call you when I do.”</p><p><br/>
V nodded, no longer trusting her voice. Bile was starting to gather in her mouth and her stomach was turning sour and sharp.</p><p><br/>
Rogue stopped at the door and peered at her. V raised a brow in question. Rogue frowned. “Unbelievable that bastard is somewhere in your head.”</p><p><br/>
Then she was gone, closing the door softly behind her.</p><p><br/>
After a few moments of silence V’s stomach rebelled, finally giving up after the abuse from the pills and alcohol and the nerve wracking anxiety over the conversation. She leaned over and vomited onto the filthy carpet.</p><p><br/>
Johnny glitched in-front of her, peering at her. “Oh fuck.”</p><p><br/>
She spit a few times. Used some water to clean her teeth and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.</p><p><br/>
“-bleck- Damn Johnny. Just supposed to chase that lead and talk to Rogue.” Her voice was much worse now after all that talking. Her throat burned and itched.</p><p><br/>
Johnny glitched away to sit on a table across from the bed. Leaning with his back against the wall, tapping his head against it. She could feel his guilt that he was trying to bury and run away from. Him glitching across the room was him trying to hide from this. From his mistake. She knew he didn’t know the pills would cause this much problem for her. Never even occurred to him cause he mixed pills and drink all the time.</p><p><br/>
What hurt is that he was willing to die for her but wasn’t able to admit he’d fucked up. Say a simple ‘sorry’ and try to do better. She knew exactly why he was like this and she hated that she could read him like an open book.</p><p><br/>
He didn’t look at her, pretending he wasn’t bothered. That he didn’t feel guilty.</p><p><br/>
“Did talk to her,” he said.</p><p><br/>
“Yeah? What about all the other stuff? I got punched in the face! Didn’t need to get in that brawl.”</p><p><br/>
Her stomach rolled and she bent over to throw up again. “Ugghhfffffuck. Hurts…”</p><p><br/>
There was a pang of guilt and shame that went through the bond and then it was smothered.</p><p><br/>
“Came with the job. You know how it works, V,” Johnny deflected. He still wasn’t looking at her.</p><p><br/>
“Some of that I could have done myself,” she argued, trying to keep herself upright on the bed.</p><p><br/>
Johnny scoffed, lazily rolling his head to look at her. “You’ve been trying to do it yourself for months and got nothing. That’s why I had to do it. Cause you’re useless.”</p><p><br/>
V’s mouth shut with an audible snap and Johnny went stiff, his words catching up to him. He opened his mouth to talk but he was too slow for her whip-quick anger.<br/>
V’s emotions blared through the bond, she couldn’t have hidden them if she tried and she was too damn eroded to try. He sucked in a breath.</p><p><br/>
It was a feedback loop. Both of them feeding off each other’s emotions, ratcheting up and up and up until they were left panting for air that wouldn’t be enough to cool their screaming hearts and burning minds. Johnny’s words scooped her heart out with a fork, leaving it shredded and bloodied. On and on, memories being scrambled and shared like first-hand experiences. The line between them blurring more than ever before. Hurting then both. Erasing them both. Making them both fade away into each other.</p><p><br/>
The loop snapped in half leaving them untethered and reeling. They panted in sync. Johnny had glitched onto the floor and was sitting holding his head between his knees. V had fallen onto her side, curled up into herself as if it could keep the hurt from her heart. Tears streaming down her cheeks.</p><p><br/>
They were two people and one person. Two minds and one body. Two hurting hearts and one big mistake.</p><p><br/>
It took a long time for them to feel anything but the static of their emotions cracklings across the bond. Eventually she uncurled herself slowly and pushed herself up on shaky legs then making a beeline for the door, desperate to get away from Johnny even if it was an illusion of distance.</p><p><br/>
“V—”</p><p><br/>
Johnny glitched behind her and grabbed her arm, trying to stop her from leaving. She ripped her arm out of his grasp and went to punch him. He held his hands up in surrender and took a step back as she stood there panting in anger, waiting for him to talk. Give him his chance to explain himself. She scrubbed at her tears with the back of her hand.</p><p><br/>
Johnny looked wrecked. “Didn’t think the pills would affect you like this. Didn’t mean to take advantage of your body. Just needed to feel alive again, y’know?”</p><p><br/>
V clenched her teeth as anger rolled through her. “You think this about that?” She hissed.</p><p><br/>
Johnny took a step back before his face twisted in anger and he was shouting. “Then the fucks’ it about if it's not about me treating your body like shit?”</p><p><br/>
She got up in his face, finger poking his chest like he was a solid person. Johnny didn’t give any ground, staring down at her with anger in his honey-eyes.</p><p><br/>
“I know you Johnny,” she seethed. “Better than anyone else. With you twenty-four seven. I know your shit coping mechanisms. Know you run away from your problems. That you drown yourself in booze and drugs because you can’t process shit without them. I knew you’d fly out of control as soon as you got behind the wheel. Not surprised at that.”</p><p><br/>
She balled her fists, keeping herself from punching him. “You think I’m useless? Who the fuck are you to decide that? You know why I avoided Rogue. Knew about Raul! Knew about me not wanting to put my people in danger. Not wanting their lives on my conscious. I worked my ass off to save us. Us, Johnny! You n’ me because I thought we were in this together. You know me mind to mind. Soul to soul. And you don’t give a shit. Least have the decency to hate me to my face.”</p><p><br/>
“Don’t hate you V.” He sounded desperate, reaching out towards her. She stumbled back, hands out in front of her as if she could stop him from coming closer.</p><p><br/>
“Just don’t give a shit about me,” she growled. Her hands itched for a cigarette. Anger easy to reach. Burning her up in a rage. “I’m just useless to you huh? Back to square, fuckin’ one. Right where we started.”</p><p><br/>
She took his tags off from where they had been hanging between her breasts since he gave them to her, and held them up in his face. He looked stricken, wide eyes tracking the metals as they swung back and forth in the air.</p><p><br/>
“Tags proof of your promise? The fuck is your word worth Johnny? Doing me no wrong means I’m important to you. You don’t care about anyone but yourself.”</p><p><br/>
She wanted to throw the tags in his face. Leave them right there in the filthy hotel room but she couldn’t do it. She gripped them in her fist until the metal bit imprints into her skin.</p><p><br/>
“Not gonna wear these. Useless gesture when they don’t mean nothin’. Not even to you. If they did you’d have kept your promise to do me no wrong.”</p><p><br/>
She turned to walk away and almost fell over when a wave of dizziness hit her.</p><p>Johnny glitched over to her with a worried expression on his face, hands held out like he was going to catch her if she fell.</p><p><br/>
“Don’t,” she gritted out, holding her hand out as if she could keep him away and he froze, “Don’t talk to me again. Don’t fucking show your face to me. Fuck off to wherever the fuck you go. I don’t want to see you.”</p><p><br/>
Then she stumbled out of the hotel room, leaving Johnny to glitch out behind her when she got far enough away from him, his emotions clinging to her like a ghosts fingers.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Act Two: Chippin' In - Hearts on Fire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  
  <br/>
  <i>//I miss the days you would ask me anything.<br/>Say you know me, do you want me?<br/>But now you got me looking back and wondering<br/>maybe I act like it’s nothing to me-<br/>there’s only one way to know.<br/>I wish you could read my mind or gimme a sign,<br/>tell me you wanted to be mine.<br/>this is for the hearts on fire, singing alone.<br/>there’s only one way to know.//</i>
  <br/>
  <b>Hearts On Fire- ILLENIUM and Dabin Feat. Lights<b></b></b>
</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was in the middle of the night and she was unable to sleep from the unbearable feeling in her chest. Her's and Johnny's feelings tangled together like too-many wires in a netrunner-rig. She drove across the city and stood in front of Vik’s apartment for a long, long time, staring at the number on his door. Last time she'd brought them a bottle of her top-self rum to share. Now she only brought herself and the ghost of a legend.
 
She knocked on the front door.

Vik answered it in his sleep clothes, hair rumpled and eyes heavy with sleep but when he saw her he was immediately worried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“V? What happened? Is it the chip?” He pulled her inside gently, shutting and locking the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stood there, staring blankly at the floor. She had no idea where to start telling him everything that happened. No words to explain why she was turning up in the middle of the night like she only did when the world got to be too much. Vik knew. She didn’t need words. He gathered her up in his arms and held her. Like he always did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just so tired Vik,” she confessed in a whisper afraid that if she said it louder something would shatter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you wanna talk about it?” Vik asked, voice muffled by her hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. Not yet. She couldn’t talk about it yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please Vik," she begged and it had been a long time since she’d begged him to hold her together. To keep her from falling apart and crumbling under the relentless cruelty of the world. He’d always been her safe harbor. They’d been friends since she was seventeen and they had been in each other’s orbit as the one constant thing. Always.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vik was there when she needed him. She was there when he needed her. Their love was deep but it was familiar and she knew that’s why they sought each other out in moments of weakness and in loneliness. Decades of an easy friendship. An easy uncomplicated love. He was like a heated blanket for her, keeping her warm and she knew it was the same for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vik led her to his bedroom, hand held gently in his. He helped her peel off her jacket, pausing in his movement and swore softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“V, this your blood?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” She saw the blood on her shirt where she’d gotten into the habit of soaking up the nosebleed blood. “Ah, yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s everywhere.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah... sorry. Know you hate seeing it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vik sighed softly then tugged her towards the bathroom. “C’mon. Let’s get you cleaned up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She followed him in a daze. She had no energy to do anything but listen to him and move when he moved her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vik helped her out of her shirt, it stuck to her where the blood had sealed it against her skin, and tied her hair back with a string. He turned on the shower and pulled his own shirt off, undressing till he was standing in only his boxers. He helped steady her while she stripped down to her underwear, hands holding her forearms to keep her from toppling headfirst into the floor. She could barely stand up on her own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vik stepped back into the shower spray and pulled her with him. He washed her off with care- he’d done it many times when they’d been together and afterward- but this time was different. She kept thinking of Johnny. How he had done this for her, gently washing off her depression and filth after three days of being unable to pull herself from her bed. How gentle he had been. How he had tucked her into bed afterward and checked up on her through the night to make sure she was okay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the nightmares had gotten real bad Johnny would appear, sitting on her edge of the bed, calling out her name, telling her she was okay. One time had been so bad she couldn’t stop shaking <i>- Vincent’s lifeless eyes stared at her and blood trickled down his cheeks like tears-</i> and he had put his arm on her back and rubbed circles there. An echo of how Vik did when he was comforting her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once she was free of blood, Vik led her back into his bedroom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Be just a second,” he murmured then stepped away leaving her shivering from the emotions bleeding inside her. He came back quickly with a change of clothes for the both of them. He helped her dress and then took both her hands in his and backed up to the bed, sitting down on the edge and pulled her to stand between his knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want to talk about it?” He asked, gazing up at her with no judgment in his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She bit her lip feeling the prickle of tears gathering in her eyes. “I...he...<i>Vik</i>...” her voice broke on his name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He? What did Silverhand do?” Vik growled, fingers tightening on her hands. She shook her head. He watched her gently, waiting while she gathered herself, rubbing circles into the back of her hands with his thumbs.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm too soft Vik,” she finally whispered, "useless." Johnny’s words had broken her. The admission made the back of her chest throb with hurt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Why do you think that?” Vik’s voice was sharp but it wasn’t at her. Never at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head, their silent signal that she couldn’t put more words to it. There wasn’t a logical explanation for what she was feeling but she was feeling it all the same and it was breaking her into dust. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vik pinched his lips, holding back whatever he wanted to say and instead he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her down with him as he laid down in the bed. She ended up with her head on his chest and one of his hands on her upper back and one on her lower back rubbing little comforting circles into her skin. They stayed like that for a long time, V listening to his heartbeat and him holding her like she was worth something. His fingers stroked the bare skin of her arms. She shifted, tucking her face into his neck, breathing him in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smelled like smoke and cologne but it was wrong. Not the same smoke that hung around her like a part of her identity for the last few months. Not the same cologne that she sometimes woke up breathing in first thing because Johnny had gotten restless and was sitting next to her on the bed, waiting for her to wake up. She tried to chase the thoughts away by snuggling into Vik’s side, breathing him in deeper. It didn’t work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny had wormed his way into every part of her. She’d cared about him. Showed him things she’d only shown Vik before. She had wanted a connection with Johnny and she hadn’t recognized it for what it was. Now he burnt it out of her and cauterized the wound on his way out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thinking pretty loudly V,” Vik murmured but he was wrong. If she’d been thinking loudly Johnny would have said something by now. Glitched into the room like he was the only thing that mattered and said something that ruined the mood. Or ruined her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When had his opinion become so damn important? Was it the bleed? Was she thinking about Johnny because he was thinking about himself? Is that all her brain was now? An echo chamber for his ego?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“V...” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vik pulled at her forearms, gently encouraging her to move where he wanted her and she went easily. He maneuvered her so that they were face to face, chest pressed to chest, her hands tucked up under her and resting on his broad chest. His hands were warm on her lower back. Grounding her. He tilted his head, eyes soft and understanding and seeing her in a way that only came with years of knowing another person's soul. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or sharing a brain and body. Johnny knew her like that too and she knew him that way. They had been forced to get to know each other like that. Mind to mind. Soul to soul.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny had been too self centered to realize what kind of gift that had been. But V knew. She had known because Vik had shown her years ago how rare a thing it was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you need?” Vik asked softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>V swallowed, tears brimming in her eyes and falling without her wanting them to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” Her voice cracked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vik trailed his fingers down her face and she let her eyes flutter shut as he cupped her cheek. He brought their lips together and she melted. Tears spilled down her cheek as he kissed her. A kiss tinted with sorrow and hurt. He rolled them over so he was on top of her, shielding her from the world with his body. She let him move her however he wanted, let him take the weight of decisions from her for a single moment so she could have some peace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laced their fingers together and dragged her arms above her head, holding her hand and giving her a lifeline. He kissed the tear tracks away, leaving the wet skin warm. Swallowed her sobs with his mouth. Pulled out the sorrow from her lungs. His hands ran down her sides warming her skin and reminding her she was alive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still alive. Even if her soul was being eroded away by Johnny.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vik paused, fingers grasping the hem of her shirt, silently asking for her permission which she gave by guiding his hands to pull her shirt up. They sat up as it came off and she helped him remove his own then laid back down under him as he discarded it somewhere on the floor and followed her down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kissed the jagged scar on her stomach where she’d been stabbed on a gig and almost flatlined. Vik had been the one to patch her up and stitch her back together. His lips found the bullet hole scar that was a crater in her skin, right near her navel. She had bled in an alley, too weak to stand and drag herself to the street until Raul had finally tracked her down and carried her on his back to Vik.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not weak V,” he whispered into her mouth, his thumb tracing the katana wound on her thigh where an Arasaka ninja got the better of her during a raid on one of their warehouses. His fingertips traced another scar on her inner thigh and she couldn’t remember how she’d gotten it. Or the next scar he touched. Or the next one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She forgot how much of her body was made of scars and Realskinn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve survived this long.” He kissed his way up her stomach. “You’re not weak. Don’t let him make you think you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She squeezed her eyes tight at that. Vik knew her so well. She didn’t have to tell him about Johnny. Or how hurt she was. How fucking terrified she was. He just knew. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She cried silently, pouring her heartache out as he soothed the it away with his warmth, letting him take care of her and make her feel like herself again. Not like someone on the brink of disaster, one wrong step away from flatlining. His lips chased thoughts of Johnny away and his hands held her together where Johnny’s words had tore her apart.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>
  <span>In the aftermath of her breakdown, Vik held her close to him, bodies almost on top of each other, her body pliant and mind more at ease. More grounded than a few hours before. His fingers traced her spine comfortingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rogue’s clearing my name.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vik squeezed her a bit tighter. “Relieved is not strong enough of a word for what I feel hearing that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She chuckled, tracing the tattoos on his arms. “Should be able to make some calls tomorrow. Find something useful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vik was silent but V could hear him thinking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re thinking pretty loud,” she hummed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vik wrapped his arm around her shoulders pulling her even closer though they were already pressed skin to skin. “Don’t let him win.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She deflated. “Might not have a choice, Vik.” That place in the back of her chest where Johnny lived ached again. “If there’s no solution, the relic will replace me with him. He doesn’t even want that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Viks grip tightened. “Don’t care what he wants. You’ll find a way. You’re one of the only good things this city has. You’ve been fighting for the people here since you could hold a gun. He’s not worth it V. He’s not worth losing you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fresh tears brined her eyes, trickling down her face and landing on Vik’s bare chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why couldn’t it have been you,” she whispered into his skin, so quietly she hoped he didn’t hear her. But he had and he hugged her close. They’d never figured it out why they didn’t work as lovers and they knew they never would. But they had moments like this where they were there for one another. She knew this was a stolen moment. They didn’t have anyone else besides each other to reach out to when the world broke them down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vik was better at fighting the world than she was. He’d been in the ring and a legend himself long before she came along. He could stand on his own more often than not but he still reached for her at times. Or he let her reach for him and drag him down into her sorrow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vik placed a kiss to the crown of her head. “Sleep. You can fight tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a sigh she let her eyes flutter shut, letting Vik’s warmth comfort her against the cool ache in the back of her chest.</span>
</p><p>--</p><p>V stayed in Vik’s apartment the next day, napping on the couch and reading his books. The news was playing softly, giving her background noise and an excuse not to speak with Johnny. Filling her head with mindless drivel so it wouldn’t wander to thoughts of him. There was coverage of the Arasaka Parade going on. It looked like chaos on the screen. V turned up the volume.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>/“It has been confirmed that Hanako Arasaka was abducted from her parade float a few hours ago and has been rescued. She is currently under heavy security in an undisclosed location,” the news anchor reported./</p><p>V’s heart fell into the pit of her stomach.</p><p>Goro.</p><p>He was probably dead now. Another casualty of Night City. Trying to climb back up the ladder after his fall from grace. Like she was. Maybe she should have helped him more. Backed him up.</p><p>Her holo pinged. A rush of relief overwhelmed her at the sight of Goro’s name on her screen.</p><p><br/>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Frm: Goro</p><p>//V- I wanted you to know that I am alive. I owe you to tell you as much.// </p><p><br/>
</p><p>To: Goro</p><p>//thought you were dead. How’d you get out?//</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Frm: Goro</p><p>//Barely alive. I am currently somewhere very well hidden.//</p><p>//I must confess that I have doubts about Hanako-sama.//</p><p><br/>
</p><p>To: Goro</p><p>//’bout corpos? You? Thought you love that world.//</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Frm:Goro</p><p>//Hanako-sama gave me reason to doubt.//</p><p><br/>
</p><p>To: Goro</p><p>//wanna talk about it?//</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Frm:Goro</p><p>//Sometimes I wish to leave this city. Drive into the desert and not look back.//</p><p><br/>
</p><p>To: Goro</p><p>//Nothing’s stopping you. ‘Saka doesn’t need you anymore. You could be a free man.//</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Frm: Goro</p><p>//A free man alone and without purpose just enters another cage.//</p><p><br/>
</p><p>V paused, thinking thought about what she was about to offer the ex-corpo. She had no reason to. She’d paid her debt to him and it sounded like he had blown his second chance at his grab for redemption. She didn’t have to help him but found that she wanted to.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>To: Goro</p><p>//I can fix both.//</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Frm: Goro</p><p>//…how?//</p><p><br/>
</p><p>To: Goro</p><p>//Go to these coordinates. Someone will meet you. You’ll have a new life. New start. Free man without a cage.//</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Frm: Goro</p><p>//And if I do not go?//</p><p><br/>
</p><p>To: Goro</p><p>//up to you. I don’t care either way.//</p><p>//but why throw away a chance for the one thing you want out of life? A chance to live the way you want.//</p><p><br/>
</p><p>He didn’t respond. Not even when she sent the coordinates for the secret location she used with the Aldecado’s.</p><p>She called Saul, smiling when he picked up with a grin.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>“V! What can I do for you?”</p><p>“Hey Saul. I need to call in one of my favors.”</p><p>He raised a brow. “Huh. Never thought I’d see the day. What do you need?”</p><p>“Got someone who might want a second chance at life. Ex-corpo. Good fighter.”</p><p>“Well, if he’s recommended by you then I’m willing to give him a chance.”</p><p>“’Preciate it.”</p><p><br/>
</p><p>They set up the time and date and V forwarded the information to Goro with one last message.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>To: Goro</p><p>//if you don’t show on time they’ll move on. Hope you take the chance at freedom.//</p><p><br/>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p>A few hours later as she and Vik were eating dinner, Johnny still silent and absent through the entire day, she got a ping on her holo. She laughed with joy at the message earning her an interested look from Vik. She shook her head at him, letting him know it was nothing, but she couldn’t keep the smile from her face.</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Frm: Goro</p><p>//I have become a nomad. Freedom without the cage.//</p><p>//Thank you. My life is forever in your debt.//<br/>
</p><p>To: Goro</p><p>//your life is yours. Make it a good one.//</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Frm: Goro</p><p>//I plan to.//</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Frm: Saul</p><p>//V, the guy you sent is a stick up the ass ex-corpo who looks like he could take out an entire Raffen Shiv caravan by himself.//</p><p>//Mitch loves him.//</p><p>//Panam will take convincing but I know she likes him. Helps that he comes to us from you.//</p><p><br/>
</p><p>To: Saul</p><p>//Thanks. Take care of the guy for me.//</p><p><br/>
</p><p>Frm: Saul</p><p>//He’s in good hands.//</p><p><br/>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p><br/>
</p><p><br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was a rough chapter to write. It's very personal. I'd love to hear what you all think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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